Of all the divorce letters people have written, this has got to be the most epic one.
“Dear Wife, I’m keeping in touch with you this letter to let you know,” a husband wrote to his partner.
He mentioned how his wife didn’t tell him about quitting her job and didn’t appreciate him when he cooked dinner for her.
“I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. … Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps.”
He further complained about their bedroom life and said he is not okay with his wife never becoming intimate with him anymore.
“You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want $ex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone. Your EX-Husband.”
At the end, the husband dropped the bomb and said he was leaving her sister and moving to West Virginia.
“P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!”
Now, check out his wife’s reply.
“Dear Ex-husband, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping too bad that doesn’t work.” She wrote.
Explaining her reason for not complimenting his new haircut, the wife said, “I DID notice when you got a haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment.”
Here comes the best part, “And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.”
“Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!” she penned.
Counterattacking him, she revealed at the end, “P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.”
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