Be happy that you survived and that you can move on to bigger and better things that are more worthy of your time.
At first, you’re going to have a very difficult time trying to say goodbye to your toxic ex. These people are toxic for a reason and there are many terrible qualities about them. They are manipulative and abusive. They have little regard for the feelings of others and they have no problems leading other people on into the middle of nowhere only to leave them out to dry. They will make you think twice about saying goodbye because they are effective mind controllers. They know how to force you to think a certain way so as to make saying goodbye so much more difficult than it really has to be. They know the right words to say at the perfect moments just to keep you on the leash. They know how to tap into your emotions in a way that benefits them. They know just how much they have to hurt you in order to make you think that you are inferior to them and that you need them. They normalize disappointment and heartache in your relationship so as to make you think that this is how things are really supposed to be. They want you to believe that you are always at fault in the relationship and they know damn well just how to make you think like that.
They know how to alter themselves to make their personalities fit particular situations in ways that benefit them. For instance, they know just when to be sweet and caring to you just so you end up craving for all of that goodness. But then they will hurt you and cause you pain just to remind you that they still have full control of the relationship and that you are entitled to nothing. Then whenever you call them out on their actions, they’re going to apologize and you will be back to eating out of the palm of their hand once more. Whenever they are faced with trials or difficulties in life, they are going to somehow find a way to pin it on you. They will try to guilt you into believing that you are the source for all of their hassles in life. Thy want you to think that your existence stresses them out and that they are making huge sacrifices just to be able to accommodate you. In that weird way, they will make you feel grateful for the chance to be a part of their toxic life. They will make you feel grateful about being constantly abused, used, and manipulated. They will try to make you believe in your own worthlessness and co-dependence even though they are the ones who are guilty of being so.
For your part, you invest a lot of yourself into the relationship because you were always taught that that’s what it takes to make a relationship work. You aren’t hesitant when it comes to showering them with all of your love and affection. You expect to get the same kind of treatment in return even though you never ask for it. But your expectations are never met and so you get caught in an endless loop of disappointment. You think that if you double your efforts, eventually, things are going to go your way. But it just never turns out like that. You keep on trying harder and harder to make things work but you never manage to reap the fruits of your labor. It’s as if everything that you’re putting into this relationship is virtually going nowhere and that you are just wasting all of your time and valuable effort. They have this way of making you believe that you really have to fight for the right to actually earn their love. But that’s not the case. You should both be loving each other unconditionally without reservations or hesitations. But instead, it’s you who is always giving but never receiving.
The problem with the whole situation is that you are still trying to see the best in this toxic person even though there’s no evidence to support your idealistic hopes. They are never going to turn into the people that you want them to be. You can’t change a person; not even with all the love in the world. You have to stop deluding yourself into thinking that your love could ever turn a person into something that they’re not. Sometimes people just are the way that they are and you can’t do anything about it.
And so the only logical move to make in this scenario is to move on. You should learn to be okay with the fact that you tried and failed to make things work with this toxic person. Be happy that you survived and that you can move on to bigger and better things that are more worthy of your time. This toxic person was only holding you back and now you can finally spread your wings.