THE marriage advice from a man who just got divorced

You might think that he wouldn’t be the best person to give marriage advice considering his 16-year long marriage came to an end. But very often, your worst mistakes become your best teachers. Since people are always in need of advice to better their marriage, let’s look at the wisdom this guy has to share;

  1. Never stop dating

Now that you’ve been married doesn’t mean you’re allowed to take her for granted. Make her feel wanted. Keep doing what you did to win her over. If you love her, never fail to show it.

  1. Love yourself first

Loving yourself will teach you how exactly you should love your better half. And only when you love yourself enough, can you focus on other things and people. However, she deserves a special place in your heart, which is exclusively for her, and you shouldn’t allow anyone to take her place.

  1. Keep falling in love over and over again, with each other

Life changes constantly and people have to mould themselves accordingly. Change being the only constant, is a little difficult to deal with when it comes to people. You’re going to be a very different person from who you are now in a couple of years. Make her fall in love with the new you, if you want to keep her around.

  1. Focus on the good

She isn’t going to be perfect, but neither are you. Don’t make it feel like you two are settling for each other. Rather concentrate on the good so much, that it outweighs all that you find bothersome. You only find what you go looking for. So if you’re nit picking for flaws, that’s all you’d ever be able to see. So choose wisely. There’s always a little good in everyone, and you fell in love with her for a reason; never forget that reason. – Continue reading on next page

  1. Don’t try to change her

Loving someone requires you to embrace them for who they are, which means loving them for their imperfections as well. Wouldn’t you want the same? So would she. Accept her the way she is, and never be critical. And if you see any changes, support them as well.

  1. You alone are responsible for your happiness

You choose how you feel. No one, not even your wife can control your feelings or emotions. And it’s definitely not her responsibility to make you happy. Find joy in the small things, and the happier you are yourself, the better you can do your part in the marriage.

  1. You are also responsible for other emotions as well

If you’re ticked off by something that your wife says or does, then again, it’s not her fault. Find out what surfaced those feelings and the unresolved issues behind them. Don’t take it out on her at any cost.

  1. Be there for her

Even more so when her life is messy. Being there for her does not mean that she needs you to fix everything. She’s as capable of dealing with a situation as you are. Trust her to figure it out, but be the support that she needs. Keep her from giving up and giving her the push she needs. Be attentive and patient.В  – Continue reading on next page

  1. Laugh

Life is only what we make of it. So take it easy. Find the humor in all the little things. Laugh with and at each other. It eases even the worst of situations. And if you can make her laugh, she isn’t going to lose interest in you all that easily.

  1. Learn her language of love

As her life partner you should understand her language of love, without any excuses. Try to understand what you could do to make her feel loved. You might think that telling her you love her every day would do the job, but it might not be so fulfilling for her. Find out what works for her instead and give her that.

  1. Be attentive

When you’re with her, shut out the rest of the world. She deserves your undivided attention. It shows how much you respect her and actually value everything that she has to share with you.

12. There’s only so much room for mistakes

You both are going to make mistakes. No need to panic. Don’t repeat those mistakes and try learning from each one of them. Also bear in mind that avoidable mistakes are a deal breaker. Don’t test her patience too often.В  – Continue reading on next page

13. She deserves time to herself

If she’s a career woman, juggling work and house wouldn’t be a piece of cake. And if she’s a housewife, even then she wouldn’t get too much time for herself. And after you have kids, some alone time would become a rare luxury for her. The only way to show that you understand and appreciate her struggle to keep things together, give her the space she needs. Only when she is satisfied, will she be able to become the wife and mother she has to be. If she doesn’t have time for herself and is too occupied with everyone and everything else, she’s going to grow resentful.

14. Be vulnerable

Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you’re a superior being. Tell her and show her that. You don’t need to pose to be someone you’re not in front of her. You’re human. And like all humans, you have your shortcomings and your fears. If there’s one person who should know these intimate details about you, it’s her.

15. Be completely open and honest

No secrets, lies or withheld truths. Tell her everything. If you want her trust, you have to be vulnerable in front of her. Showing her the side of you that you yourself wouldn’t rather see, that earns her trust. And she’d love you even more when she sees how hard it was for you to open up, but you did it anyway, for her sake.В  – Continue reading on next page

16. Grow together

Set common, achievable goals. You obviously have your individual life goals. But you should always have targets for your relationship and your life together as well. Something to keep working for, the struggle for which makes the bond of marriage stronger than ever.

17. Don’t make money too big of a deal

Figure out a way to spend money in such a way, that neither of you has to sacrifice what they want for the other person. Be good with money. Make all decisions regarding expenses and savings together. You share your life and it’s only reasonable to share the money as well.

18. Learn to let go

Once you forgive each other’s mistakes, don’t hold on to them. They’d only weigh you down. Focus on the things you two do right. Take a mistake for what it is and get past it. The sooner you get over it; you’ll find better things waiting for you.

19. Allow love to rule your lives

Whatever decision you make, think of your wife. Your love for her will never let you come to a decision that does not benefit her or harms her in any way. If you allow love to take over every situation, you’d get through it with no one getting hurt. In fact it would in the best interest of you and your wife.

So this is what he had to share with the hopes of doing for some guy what he’d have wished for himself. This realisation for him proved to be too little too late. But don’t let his advice slip away. If your marriage is going through a rocky phase, adopt all these things. You’re not responsible for your wife’s part in the marriage, but you’re responsible for your part. Play it to the best of your potential. Be the husband that she deserves.

Your turn to talk

If you’ve had marriage trouble, did you get past it? And if you did, how? Were any of the things above helpful for you? Let me know in the comments below. And as always, stay blessed and keep the love alive.

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