The Reason Why So Many Unhappy People Are Still Together

Why do some couples still stay together even if staying together makes them unhappy?

There is no denying that a marriage is the pinnacle as far as social institutions are concerned between two people. When two human beings love each other very much and choose to solidify that love with a covenant as grand as marriage, then there are always going to be heavy implications there. These implications cover a person’s emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical state. Marriage has the power to be the most enriching and meaningful social experience that two people could probably share with one another. However, the opposite is also true. A failed marriage as the power to break people down to their bare selves. 

We’ve all seen marriages disintegrate into nothingness in the past. We are familiar with failed love stories and sad romantic entanglements. But we also tend to overlook the couples who are still hanging in there; the ones who are struggling to find happiness in their union, but still they persist. We wonder, sometimes out loud, why they still choose to stay with one another even if they’re unhappy with the state of things. Why wouldn’t they just quit while they’re ahead and seek to find happiness in other more fulfilling ventures? Why is it so hard for them to move on from one another? This is the topic of today’s article.

Why do some couples still stay together even if staying together makes them unhappy?

Since the dawn of human civilization, the human being’s need for social interaction has been well-established and documented. No man is an island, as people always say. And throughout the millennia, we have also learned how to pick and choose the people we choose to associate ourselves with. Great philosophers and expert psychologists are in vast agreement that human beings essentially choose their partners with a basic cost-benefit analytical framework. If the benefits of a relationship outweigh the costs, then it is a happy union.

For example, you may be stuck in a marriage that demands a lot from you on an emotional level. Your spouse is constantly seeking validation and affection from you even when you’re uncomfortable with giving it. But you choose to stick with it because the happiness and joy of companionship that your partner gives you far outweighs all the hassles that you are forced to endure in the relationship. Therefore, despite all the bad parts of it, you are still generally happy with staying together. A lot of sourness and bitterness in a relationship comes when at least one-party feels like the costs are starting to outweigh the benefits in some shape or form.  This situation can lead to the emotional toll of saying goodbye, as you grapple with the difficult decisions that come with love and commitment. Facing the prospect of ending things can evoke a deep sense of loss, even if the relationship has been challenging. The fear of what lies ahead can weigh heavily, making it tough to envision a future without that companionship.

It is also important to note that relationships, commitment is a huge factor. The greater satisfaction a person feels in a relationship, the more likely that person is going to commit to it. Other factors that contribute to a person’s commitment to a relationship is the amount of time and effort that has already been invested into it, the lack of any acceptable alternatives to status quo, and the level of satisfaction that one feels with the current state of things. 

A lot of what constitutes a person’s level of satisfaction heavily relies on how that person perceives benefits in a relationship. But recently, new scientific data has emerged something new that changes the whole dynamics of a relationship. Data has shown that a lot of couples will apply a set of personal standards to a relationship to see whether this is still a social venture that is worth keeping. So that explains why a lot of people who aren’t necessarily benefitting from a relationship still choose to stay in it. Even though the benefits are way lower than the costs, as long as their standards are being met, then the relationship is worth sticking out for. The trend of unhappy couples staying together are likely to involve individuals who have very low standards for a relationship. These low standards can often arise as a result of heartbreaking or emotionally traumatic experiences in the past that have tainted their view of social interaction. 

Another very strong case for why unhappy couples still stay in relationships is a fairly new theory in the field called the interdependence theory. These are the kinds of couples who just can’t let each other go because the alternative would not be something they would be able to survive. They think that staying in a bad and unhappy relationship is a lot better than being single and alone. And the fear of being alone is what drives and motivates them to stay in the seclusions of a dysfunctional relationship. 

In any case, all relationships are unique, and it can be very difficult to generalize them all. It’s just important that people truly understand their feelings and their motivations in a relationship in an honest and mature manner. That’s why trust, communication, and open honesty are very important facets of what constitutes a healthy and long-lasting romance.