There are still a lot of conflicting arguments surrounding the idea of love at first sight. Some say that it’s a completely impossible experience and that love can never be so instantaneous. While there are also others who say that even though it’s a rare experience, it doesn’t mean that it’s completely impossible. Whatever the case, it’s always a different experience for everyone. But is there really a definitive and methodical way to figure out whether someone is “the one”?
Okay. Not all of us are going to be as lucky as Meghan Markle and Prince Harry who claimed that they knew instantly that they would be meant to be together forever. For the vast majority of us, it’s not always going to be so simple. We aren’t always going to have that one prince or princess who will barge into our lives and sweep us off our feet.
You always have to be willing to go through the motions when it comes to love. But it also gets to a point wherein you want to know whether the love affair that you’re in is truly the one you should be fighting for. And that’s exactly what you need to understand as early as now what it truly means when you’re with “the one.”
Here’s the truth: there isn’t really just “one” person out there for you. There are hundreds, maybe even thousands of people out there who have the potential to make things work with you. But the thing is that it’s not just up to you. You must also take into consideration the many variables and circumstances surrounding your relationship. It also has a lot to do with the choices that you make.
Two weeks into dating a person, it might be possible that you experience a kind of outrageous moment where all of the stars in the sky happen to align for you and you know that you’re already with the person you’re meant to be with forever. And when that’s the case, then that’s amazing.
However, just because you have that realization early on doesn’t mean that it’s going to stay that way. Feelings and people can change. And that’s exactly what relationship expert Irene Fehr thinks about the matter as well.
She says, “This grand, sensationalized feeling that you’re referring to is like the hot sex that couples often experience at the beginning of relationships,” says Fehr. “It’s a starting point, but one that is often clouded by a heavy cocktail of hormones and chemicals that we emit when we click with a new person.”
It might sound exciting that you and your partner would just elope and run off into the sunset together to spend the rest of your lives with one another. But Fehr cautions people by saying that making such serious decisions in the midst of hysteria and excitement might not always be the best idea. In fact, it can prove to be rather detrimental to the future of your relationship.
“Rather than grand and sensationalized, clarity and confidence often feel calm and grounded,” Fehr goes on to say
“And while you might feel that clarity early on, it is still equally important to get to know how your partner actually shows up in action (rather than merely portrays him/herself to you through word).”
Before you can really know for certain whether the person you’re with is “the one”, you really need to take the time to get to know that person. But more importantly, you must also take the time to really discover what you want in a relationship yourself. Self-discovery is an often overlooked aspect of peoples’ journeys to love.
“Each person has to become aware of what the other person is ‘right’ for. Everyone has different desires and values for a relationship,” explains Fehr.
You must also understand that the things that you look for in a partner when you’re in your 20s can still change as you get older. People change, and with that, priorities and preferences can change as well. The person you are most attracted to in your 20s might not be the one you are most attracted to in your 30s. And that’s okay. That is a part of it.
Fehr also says that the realization that you’re with “the one” doesn’t necessarily happen instantly. “There is an underlying assumption that we should ‘know’ on our own, if they’re ‘the one,’ without actually discussing it with our partner. Yet, talking to your partner about what they’re the one for is crucial to creating and building a relationship where your partner can actually meet you and become ‘the one,'” she explains.
At the end of the day, you can’t really meet someone and just immediately know that the two of you are meant to be together forever. But that’s okay. Remember what they say: all the great things in life take time.
