I want to talk to you and see how you’re taking it.
Breakups. Just by witnessing a breakup, you have a vague idea of how hard it can be to deal with the pain that comes with it. But it’s an entirely different animal altogether once you’re actually living in that emotional hellhole. It’s an unfortunate situation for all parties involved really. There are always going to be the hurt feelings, the disappointments, the anguish, the pain, and the tears. Oh the tears. They’re going to come whether you like it or not. It’s an emotional whirlwind every single time. You’re left feeling helpless. You only want for things to work out the way that you originally envisioned them to, but it’s just not meant to be. The feeling of powerlessness breaks you. It makes you feel completely worthless and there’s just no getting out of that hole. You desperately hope that things don’t have to be this way; you cling to the hope for an escape route. You wish there was some way that you could just salvage the situation, but you can’t.
You feel so many things that are borne out of so many experiences and memories. You are overwhelmed by the blanket of sentiments that just continue to plague your mind. You try to tell yourself that eventually, you’re going to get better. But the weight of everything that you’re feeling is just too much; it even forces you to doubt and question yourself. You try so desperately develop the mental fortitude that is needed to move on in life. But you can’t seem to conjure the strength from anywhere. You look so deep into yourself and yet, you’re still left with nothing to grasp at. You’re practically trying to grab air. So you just stay there; you sit down; you keep still; you keep to yourself. – Continue reading on the next page
I want to talk to you and see how you’re taking it. I want to know if what I’m feeling at this very moment is normal. I need to know if you feel the same way. Because currently, I miss you with all that I am. I miss everything that made us who we were as a couple. I miss all the moments whether good or bad. I miss all those times where you would just look at me in silence, and I would smile at you knowing that you loved me. I miss all those times we argued and fought because I knew that we were desperately passionate people who never hid our emotions from one another. I even miss all those times when I felt like we were growing apart from one another. I miss those times because at least I knew that I still had you in my life. It was a much better alternative to what I’m experiencing now. I’m all alone. I don’t have you at my side and it’s killing me. I’ve gotten used to just having you around and I can’t seem to function properly anymore. This breakup is killing me inside, but I know I’m going to have to move on eventually. I know that I’m going to have to carry on with my life without you. But I don’t know how I could ever bring myself to do so considering that you were such a huge aspect of my life. I always saw you as an extension of myself. When you chose to leave behind what we had, I felt like a huge chunk of my body was just ripped from me without warning. I felt the weight of the world just crash down on my shoulders and I didn’t have the strength to absorb the blow.
But here I am. I’m just going to have to accept the fact that we’re no longer together. I know that you said goodbye and that was that, but that’s the part that hurt the most. It’s that we culminated our relationship by still wishing each other well. I still want what’s best for you and I know that you also want what’s best for me and that’s what hurts the most. It’s that we could never be what the other deserved. It hurts to know that I could never live up to become the person that you needed me to be. It hurts to know that it was my shortcomings that led you to want to end things. It hurts to know that despite our best efforts and noble intentions, things didn’t work out the way that we wanted them to.
But here we are. We have to keep our eyes on the future, but it still hurts. It hurts having to imagine a future where you’re not there. It hurts having to think about a tomorrow that doesn’t have you in it. But most of all, it hurts having to wake up in the morning knowing that you said goodbye yesterday.