This Is How Anxiety Has Made It Harder For Me To Date

1. I am too scared to send the first text message.

I know that I am significantly decreasing my chances of finding success by never being able to make the first move. I’m just too scared. I don’t know what to do to approach a person without coming off too strong. I always feel like I’m out of place. I always feel like I don’t deserve to be reaching out to people. And so people typically feel like I’m not interested.

2. I get freaked out by dates and I chicken out of them.

As much as I want to date, they frighten the hell out of me. I am always so anxious when I have to prepare for a date. I am scared of getting stuck in such an emotionally intimate and compromising position. I don’t really look forward to being on dates because they really freak me out. And sometimes, they freak me out to the point wherein I end up cancelling on them. I let the fear and anxiety cripple me.

3. I have serious self-esteem issues.

I know that it’s essential for you to fall in love with yourself before you can let anther person fall in love with you. But that’s the problem – I find it hard to fall in love with myself. I am very critical of myself. I am always so quick to point out my flaws and I always downplay my strengths. I focus more on the flawed aspects of my personality; my weaknesses and my blemishes. And I make it more difficult for those around me to convince themselves that I am lovable.

4. I am not the most skilled communicator.

I am not always going to be so good at expressing myself; at gathering my thoughts and conveying them in a clear and articulate manner. I have a very chaotic mind. It is always very cluttered. And instead of being able to clearly say what’s on my mind and in my heart, I ramble on and on about senseless ideas that make no sense. I am the living embodiment of incoherence.

5. I am not the best at listening either.

I am so easily distracted. I am not always going to be able to focus on everything that you’re saying. I’m not going to be able to really pay attention to the things that you want to tell me. And the reason for that is because my mind is running at a hundred miles an hour. And instead of focusing on your main points, I’m going to focus on the parts that don’t matter. And I’m going to be too anxious thinking about how I’m going to respond to you.

6. I will attach too much meaning into everything you say or text to me.

I am going to read a lot into the things that you say. I am going to attach a lot of meaning to everything. I will probably conjure a lot of things out of nothing. I will blow things out of proportion a lot. And I know that that’s really frustrating to deal with. I know that I can really be a big headache for a lot of people. But I can’t help but be that way. It’s just something I can’t help with my mind.

7. I don’t really do well in public places.

I’m not someone who really gets comfortable with being in public places. I’m not someone who really does well in social situations in general. So if anyone would want to take me out, I wouldn’t really be able to respond in a normal way.

8. I am too afraid of making myself vulnerable.

I know that a lot of what makes relationships work is being able to get closer to another person; and you can’t really get closer to someone else if you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable. And that’s just something I’m not really willing to do. I don’t want to put myself in a position of weakness. I don’t want to put anyone in the position to hurt me. I don’t want to give other people that power.

9. I have serious trust issues.

I am someone who really finds it hard to trust others – and I know that trust is absolutely essential in any kind of relationship. I know that trust is something that I need to be able to give someone I want to be intimate with; but it doesn’t come as easily o me as it does to other people.

10. I am more of a homebody than anything else.

I’m not as outgoing as I’d like to be – as I have to be. I am a homebody. I don’t really like to go outside of my comfort zone. And I know that part of dating is being able to go beyond the four walls of what I know and what I’m used to.

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