You are going to miss all those times when she asked to hold your hand whenever you were walking beside each other.
The day is going to come wherein you will just look at the life that you have and wonder where everything went wrong. You are going to think about all of the wrong decisions that you made which have led you here alone and without her; without the woman you love, the woman who completed you. You miss her terribly and you feel like a huge chunk of your life is missing now that you’re no longer together. You find great discomfort in the fact that you can’t reach out to your cellphone and call her. You are upset that you can’t just drive over to her place and expect her to receive you with open arms.
You are going to miss all the times that she wrapped you in the warm confines of her embrace whenever you were about to say goodbye to one another. You were always in a rush and you used to find these hugs annoying. She persisted because she loved you and this was the only way she knew how to love you. And you just couldn’t see that. You used to always laugh at her silliness whenever you were together. You always made her feel comfortable about being her weird self and she knew that that brought the joy out of you. She lived for bringing a smile to your face even though you rarely ever put in the same kind of effort for her. You are going to miss having her fresh scent around your apartment.
She always put on the best perfume and the most expensive shampoo just so she could keep you interested. She knew that you loved it whenever she smelled fresh and so she always made it a point to be fresh for you. You never reciprocated the gesture for her. You were a complete slob, but for the most part, she didn’t mind; so as long as you were her slob. You are going to miss all the times when you came home after a rough day at work and your favorite food was already laid out on the table for you. You are going to miss all those times where you woke up in the morning only to find a fresh batch of pressed clothes waiting for you on your bed. You are going to miss waking up to the sweet smell of bacon frying in a pan in the mornings.
You always found a way to criticize her for these gestures. You told her that the dinner was too salty. You told her that she picked out the wrong clothes for you. You told her that she was burning the bacon. But she took it all. All she wanted was a show of appreciation, but instead, you just gave her your bad attitude. You are going to miss all of those little sticky post-it notes that she would leave around for you to find. At the time, you though she was just making a mess of things. You never paid attention to the tiny little messages of love that she took the time to scribble down for you.
You never fully appreciated the gesture and you always made her feel bad about that. She always tried her best to make you happy, but you never once did the same for her. You are going to miss all of the apologies she ever gave you; and these were probably apologies that she never even had to give. She was always the first to apologize because she didn’t want you to be upset at her. But you just couldn’t control your emotions. You were never sensitive to her. You were never mindful of her feelings even though she was always mindful of yours. She never wanted to be the cause of your stress even though you were practically a walking ball of stress for her. She always gave off the vibe that nothing you could ever do would bother her,
no matter how mean you were. But it always bothered her. And you only realize that now that she’s gone. You are going to miss all those times when she asked to hold your hand whenever you were walking beside each other. You are going to miss the warmth of her skin. You are going to miss that feeling of security and safety that she always gave you when you were at your most vulnerable. You never once made an effort to make her feel secure or invulnerable. But she was stronger than you ever were; than you are ever going to be.
You’re going to miss the girl who made your life whole without you even knowing it. She completed you. She did everything for you just so you wouldn’t have to lift a finger. But it’s only now that she’s gone where you realize just how important she was to you. And now it’s too late.
