Women are always going to want to feel accepted and validated by the men that they are with. They will crave for the appreciation and gratitude of their men – and a lot of times, they will gauge that appreciation in the manner in which their men give them gifts. In a woman’s mind, the value and degree of a man’s gift-giving skills are going to directly equate to his level of adoration, commitment, and love in the relationship.
A woman will believe that a gift can tell so much about whether a man really cares about her or not. When a girl receives a terrible T-shirt or a wilted bouquet of flowers, she’s going to feel like she’s merely an afterthought in her man’s life. But if a guy actually gets her a ticket to a play that she’s always wanted to see, then she’s going to feel very special. Other examples of gifts that would make a woman feel special would be her favorite items of clothing or bookings to fancy restaurants.
But here’s the real truth. Here’s the harsh reality that you are just going to have to wrap your head around. Just because your man gives you all the Rolex watches, Chanel bags, and Jo Malone perfumes in the world doesn’t guarantee that you’re going to feel complete and fulfilled in your life.
If you are always going to depend on your man to feel happiness and fulfillment in your life, then you should know that you’re just setting yourself up for failure. When I was growing up, I always used to feel so undeserving of the love of a man and his commitment to our relationship. I had a father who was so emotionally detached and quick-tempered. He was always very strict.
He was an absolute cheapskate who never believed in treating me. He would only ever really give my mother some money for the bare necessities in the household. When I used to be in elementary school, my mother worked her absolute hardest to buy me the things that I wanted and needed. Everything that I had always came out of her own paycheck. When I was a teenager, I used to beg and grovel for my dad to give me enough money to go out with my friends to watch movies or buy new clothes. He was always so stingy. He always made me feel so unworthy and dejected.
When I was a young adult, I used to crave for a man’s adoration and validation. I was constantly craving for the attention of the men that I was with. And I always equated the amount of love that he had for me with the quality of the gifts that he was willing to give me. I used to think that the more money he spent on me, the more he loved me. I used to think that if a man didn’t spoil me with gifts and presents, then he didn’t really love me sincerely. I used to think that if a man didn’t give me nice presents, then he didn’t really value me. I used to think that if a man wasn’t willing to pay for expensive dates with me, then it wasn’t real at all.
And that was the real problem. I was a real problem. I just failed to love myself enough to actually find happiness and fulfillment within myself. I failed to attach any sense of worth to my own life that I was constantly looking to my men for validation. I was driving men away left and right. All of my relationships had to come to premature ends and it took me a while to figure out what was doing wrong. But I eventually came to the realization that I was the problem. I discovered that I was being toxic. I realized that I was the one who was driving my relationships into the ground. I realized that I was the one who needed to change.
I decided to take responsibility for my own life. And that meant setting goals and expectations for myself that I needed to live up to. That meant me actually working hard to make a name for myself. I realized I needed to start building a life for myself that I could actually be proud of.
And that’s when I also learned that the essential parts of a relationship weren’t the material gifts or the lavish presents. I discovered that love in itself was the gift. And I didn’t need any material items to remind me of how much love I could receive in this life. I learned to focus more on the essentials – the things that you can’t buy in a store. And that’s when I really started to find success in love.