Sex can be found in just about most modern relationships these days. And yet, a lot of people still struggle with common misconceptions, myths, and taboos surrounding sex. It’s important that couples are really able to come to terms with what sex truly is and what role it plays in relationships.
When you are in a relationship long enough, you might get to a point wherein you experience diminishing sexual activity and engagement. And that can be a soft spot for a lot of couples. There are plenty of people in relationships who are very sensitive about the problems concerning their sex life. A lot of us can feel shame, insecurity, panic, and even anger about the deteriorating state of sex in the relationship. And yet, we still eat our feelings because we find it awkward to talk about sex with our partners. Weirdly enough, even in intimate relationships wherein we feel very close and connected to our partners, sex can still be something that is uncomfortable to talk about. And that is very weird because sex is a theme that seems to dominate a lot of mainstream media. We see it in our movies, we read about it in our books, and we hear about it in music. But despite all of that, a lot of people still feel uncomfortable and awkward whenever they try to talk about sex with friends and partners. And that shouldn’t really be the case.
Sure, we can refer to a lot of studies and research that has been conducted on the matter. But it’s still important that we are able to contextualize all of the data that is associated with sex. We all have to take into consideration the complexity of the human individual. Every single one of us will go into relationships with certain expectations, standards, assumptions, and experiences that we all identify with. All of these things will shape our personal tastes and preferences when it comes to sex. A psychotherapist and author named Cheri Huber said that all of us are exposed to many different ideas about sex as we grow up. One of the most basic instincts in sex is a physical attraction between people. Cheri also found that a lot of people buy into the notions that sex is something dirty and immoral, about how sex is something that you shouldn’t be missing out on, or about how sex is only reserved for the “bad” people. And all of these notions seep their way into the modern culture and mainstream media as well.
But what do we really mean by sex?
Sexuality in itself can mean so many things to so many different people. The act of sex can be defined as the penetration of a penis into the vagina or anus. Sex can also be the presence of a climax in the form of an orgasm. Sex is two people pressing their bodies together in a very close and intimate manner. And there are many kinds of sex too. There is straight sex, homosexual sex, phone sex, cybersex, group sex, masturbation – and the list goes on and on and on. And it’s likely that your ideas of sex aren’t exactly going to seamlessly mesh with another person’s. It’s fairly common for two people to be weirded out about their contrasting ideas of sex.
It’s normal. There is always a chance that we will have different sexual needs than our partners. Judith Martin, an authority figure in human psychology and behavior, said that “a situation where one marriage partner is feeling playfully amorous and the other is taking the bar examination in the morning is an etiquette problem of dangerous proportions.” A lot of long-term couples will go through a kind of ebb and flow in their sexual lives. It’s constantly fluctuating because sexual energy isn’t necessarily a constant state. It’s a dynamic energy that can change depending on a person’s mood, feeling, or experience. You just have to make sure that you really respect your partner enough to acknowledge their own personal understandings and perceptions of sex. You both have to communicate these things to one another in order for you to stay on the same page.
Yes, sex is important in any kind of romantic relationship. However, it isn’t the MOST important thing. A lot of times, sex is going to have to take a backseat to other aspects in a relationship such as financial stability, career fulfillment, family planning, and so on. And that’s okay. It’s just important that two people in a relationship are able to manage their expectations about sex and that they communicate their feelings about sex with one another all the time.
Sex isn’t just a physical act – no matter what anyone might tell you. It’s always emotional regardless o the nature of the relationship. And that’s why you can’t keep your feelings about sex bottled up on the inside.
