Sometimes, you are going to get into a relationship that just isn’t right for you. And when that’s the case, it’s likely that the relationship draws to a close at some point in time. It all starts with the two of you just somehow coming to the realization that things aren’t meant to be for you as a couple. And that is exactly what happened to me and my boyfriend. He dumped me and we broke up. But here’s the thing: that same boy who dumped me and broke my heart… is now my husband.
We started dating at a very young age. At that time, we didn’t really realize just how young we truly were. We were seniors in high school and we thought that we would be able to make things last. We had heard about how very few couples were able to make it past that time period in their lives. But we were absolutely determined to make it work. Even long after we had graduated high school, we were still going strong.
However, we didn’t really anticipate the ways in which we would change as individuals as we grew older. We became different people in college and early adulthood. We grew so much and with growth, change is inevitable. We needed space to find ourselves and to tap into our deepest passions and interests. We needed time to just figure things out on our own without having to worry about a relationship or another human being. But we still thought that we could do all those things while still maintaining the relationship.
We pushed forward. We decided to live together and we bought a house as a couple. We were starting out and establishing the foundations for our careers. And it definitely wasn’t easy. We had substantial difficult trying to make ends meet. There were so much tension and pressure in the relationship to the point that it was almost unbearable. It was starting to affect the way that we were interacting with one another. We knew that we had to find a way to reconcile our issues but we just didn’t know how to make that happen.
This is where I have to tell you that depression and anxiety make for a terrible combination even though they usually go hand in hand. We were so burdened with our finances that the both of us felt like we were growing apart from one another. My boyfriend at the time was having bouts with depression and I was battling anxiety. And having the two of those things in a single relationship isn’t really going to leave much room for love and joy. We really needed to work on our own demons in life in order for us to ease the tensions in the relationship but we didn’t have the emotional strength for it.
But then somewhere along the way, we began to feel like we were just forcing the issue. We felt like we were both just staying in the relationship merely for the hell of it. We had been a couple for so long that we didn’t really know anything else anymore. It felt like that was the only choice that reality had left us. But then we shattered our own shackles. We both knew that to feel that way meant something was wrong. We wanted to WANT to stay together. And we were just not at that place. We were merely existing as a couple rather than actually living up to the standards of love and romance.
And that’s when he decided to break up with me. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t expect it or that I didn’t think about it myself. I was so angry and confused. I was so stressed out. I was extremely disappointed and frustrated in my own self and in us. I felt like I had so many emotions that I needed to process but I didn’t have the willpower to do so. I tried moving back into my parents’ house to take a breather and just reassess my life.
I tried my best to distract myself and keep him out of my mind but I just couldn’t shake the thought of us no longer being together. I realized that breaking up was a lot of work even though both of us might have looked at it as a way out. We knew we had a lot on our plate and so as separate individuals, we went to work.
And I didn’t know it at the time, but that was the start of us rebuilding our love. We actually had some space to ourselves and we got to breathe. We worked on our issues as individuals. We built our lives as individuals. We started becoming the people that we needed to be. And in that process, we started discovering happiness again – but something was missing. And we both knew what.
We missed each other. And to make a long story short: we got back together. We were no longer the same people as we once were. But we had a renewed sense of love and passion for one another. And that’s what saved our relationship.