This isn’t necessarily a rare phenomenon. In fact, a lot of girls all throughout the world bear the struggle of this experience on a daily basis. It happens a lot and it’s not a particularly pleasing experience. It’s when a girl gets caught in the twilight zone with a boy. It’s when she thinks that he happens to be expressing an interest in her, but he isn’t really doing anything about it. She doesn’t know what to do. She’s caught in a limbo. She feels uncertainty and she doesn’t know how to remedy the unfortunate situation that she has found herself in.
These girls desperately want to know why they are stuck in this situation. They want to find out why things are the way that they are so that they can gain a more profound understanding of their circumstances. She just doesn’t seem to understand. He acts like he’s into it. He acts like he’s actually going to make a move. But then he does something (or nothing at all) that makes it clear that he’s not really ready for anything serious with her. It’s frustrating. She’s kept on a leash but she doesn’t know if she should release herself from his hold or not. She doesn’t want to waste an opportunity but she doesn’t want to waste her time either. He’s hot and he’s cold. He’s loving and he’s distant. And she doesn’t know where she stands in the midst of all of this. She doesn’t understand her own role in this conundrum.
There’s a certain desperation that arises within her. She wants to know the answers to all of the questions that are raging on inside of her head. She’s feeling devastated that she’s investing so much of her time and her emotions into something that might or might not actually exist. It’s disconcerting to be devoting so much of herself to someone who can’t seem to tell her where she stands in his life.
Well, it’s time to clear up all of this ambiguity and vagueness. If a man were truly interested in you, you would know it. He wouldn’t be coy about it. He wouldn’t be hot and cold. He wouldn’t’ be inconsistent or unstable. He likes you and he would want you to know it. If you find yourself having to question how he really feels about you, then the answer is likely that he doesn’t feel anything worth wasting your time over. You shouldn’t have to be wracking your brain for the answer anymore because it’s staring you right in your face. Sure, maybe he likes you to some extent. But the fact that you’re not sure about it is a sign that he doesn’t like you enough to actually warrant your attention.
You just have to make sure that you don’t get sucked into the hole of confusion and ambiguity. You shouldn’t be wasting so much of your time and energy in trying to find the answers to something that’s just plain obvious already. You shouldn’t have to try and rationalize how we can be so sweet, romantic, and kind to you now, and then just completely be a different person to you later on. Consistency is always something that you will find in someone who truly wants you. And when he’s inconsistent, it’s because his feelings are as well. It’s because he doesn’t really take what he feels about you seriously.
And if he doesn’t commit to you, you have to make sure that you cut yourself from that chain of wanting commitment from him. You are only causing more suffering for yourself. Of course, he is likely not going to come right out and say that he just doesn’t like you enough to actually want to be stable with you. He doesn’t want to do that because he still likes you just not to the point where you would be his first option. He would want to treat you like a fallback in case things don’t work out with the other girls he prioritizes.
But there’s no need to villainize him either. Perhaps he has his reasons and maybe to an extent, they are valid. But that doesn’t mean that you have to prolong your suffering. That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be cutting your ties from something that’s just plain toxic.
But at the end of the day, the reasons for why things are the way they are just become irrelevant. All that matters is that this is what it is and you have a choice to make and it’s this: you have to choose yourself. Make yourself happy and move on. Don’t settle for something that makes you uneasy. Pursue certainty. Pursue stability. Pursue a love that gives you real security.