Have you been someone who was self-obsessed?
You are often told that you need to find a way to make things work because you don’t want to be known as the person who gave up on a relationship. And to an extent, there is some truth to that piece of advice. But there is a limit. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to make things work in a relationship, there’s just no fixing things. You don’t have to live by that rule especially when you know that you’re stuck in a helpless situation. Open your eyes. Be humble enough to know that you don’t have what it takes to make things work. And move on. It’s for your own good.
You deserve to be in a relationship with a person who isn’t self-obsessed. You have to remember that relationships are made up of two individual people who are looking to share a love with one another. When you are unlucky enough to fall in love with a person who is self-obsessed, you are never going to be able to experience that kind of love in return. A self-obsessed individual is never going to be able to reciprocate the kind of love and affection that you are willing to give to them.
And when you do realize that you’re in a relationship with someone who is self-obsessed, then you have to act fast for your own sake. You have to call him out on it or you have to walk away. Either way, you have to keep yourself protected. If you let things draw out for too long, then you risk hurting yourself for life. And it will be much harder to recover from that kind of pain.
And when you do muster the strength to walk away from a relationship with someone who is self-obsessed, there are a few lessons and realizations that are in store for you.
1. You are going to learn that your partner was a great illusionist.
He was an absolute master at making you see things that weren’t there. He was very good at making you believe in the wrong things. He gains your trust with his charm and his wit. This self-obsessed individual knew the right words to say and the right things to do to have you eating out of his palm. And just like that, as if in a flash, you will let all of your defenses down. You will allow yourself to become vulnerable to an incredibly dangerous individual who doesn’t really care about your well-being.
And he will know how to milk this for as long as he can. He will give you enough just to make you think that he’s invested in your well-being, but he really isn’t. And he will be withholding to a point where he will continuously make you work for his love. At the end of the day, he’s the only one who benefits from your efforts and he doesn’t really give you anything in return. Everything that he’s going to do in a relationship is for his own personal gain and you are a fool to believe him.
2. You are going to learn that it’s okay to put yourself first in your relationships.
Your self-obsessed partner is going to guilt you for your selfish behavior even when they are guilty of it all of the time. And throughout the entire stretch of your relationship, he made you ashamed to ask or demand for the things that you needed from him. He would tell you that you were being selfish and that you had no right to demand such things for him. He would make you feel bad about wanting anything for yourself and he would use your own feelings against you.
He was perfectly okay with getting you to do things that he wanted you to do for him, but he was never okay with you requesting anything of him. There was a double standard there and you may have failed to notice it for a very long time. And maybe that’s why you subjected yourself to that kind of treatment for so long. You didn’t realize just how much you were being wronged. But now that you’ve woken up; now that you’ve opened your eyes to the grand injustice of things, you learn that it’s okay to demand what you want in a relationship. You’ve discovered that it’s okay to have standards in love and that you don’t always have to back down just to keep the love alive.
3. You are going to learn that you can love yourself and love someone else at the same time.
And when you do discover your own freedom, you will learn to love yourself again. And when you fall in love with yourself, you will give other people to do the same. And life will never be better.
Talk to me
Have you been with someone who was self-obsessed? Talk to me in the comments below!