It all just happened so fast. I first met my wife Sarah many years ago and it was such a beautiful encounter. I felt everything that people talk about in those books and movies. Time was really slow and the world seemed to be moving in slow motion. She was wearing a beautiful white dress and to me, she was the prettiest girl in the world.
I was so quickly attracted to the kindness of her eyes, the easiness of her smile, and the infectiousness of her laughter. I courted her for two years and we ended up getting married. She has been my wife for more than 7 years, and we look after two children and a dog together. But she’s no longer with us and I miss her every day.
Two weeks ago, my wife was taken away from me. And the smile that used to bring me so much comfort and warmth now brings me a lot of nostalgia and sorrow. It’s like a physical pain right in my chest whenever I think about her and what I’ve lost. My wife left this world two weeks ago and my entire life fell apart right before my eyes.
The doctors had told us that she was no longer responding to treatments and there wasn’t much more than they could do. That’s when the fear really started to hit me. That’s when I started slowly accepting the reality that I was going to lose my wife. I looked at her and she had a sense of calmness on her face. It’s as if she knew that this was how everything would turn out all along.
She didn’t look fearful. She didn’t look angry. She was merely content.
And I realized just how mature and wise my wife was in those moments. She was able to find herself in a place of serenity in spite of the whirlwind that was enveloping our lives. She decided that she wanted to get out of the hospital and just spend the remainder of her days in our home. She wanted to be in the presence of her children, our pet dog, and the familiar sights of home.
She still wanted to be able to cook us breakfast in the morning and lay down on the grass of our yard together. I shed a tear as I listened to her tell me about all of the things that she wanted to do in the little time that she had left in this world. I wanted so badly to do all of these things for her.
I jotted down everything that she wanted to accomplish in what remained of her life and we moved back into the house. I decided it would be best for us to move all of our belongings to the bedroom on the ground floor so that she wouldn’t be fatigued by having to go up and down the stairs. But she was adamant about keeping things the way that they always have been and so we just stayed in the room upstairs.
We would have only a month left together, and in that time, she taught me valuable lessons that I think every man in a relationship should learn about before it’s too late.
I watched her laugh as she talked with our kids and I hated myself for never appreciating such moments in the past because my head was too caught up in what I had to do for the office. I hated myself for never really taking those moments in and just learning to be present in those situations.
She hummed to herself whenever she was taking a bath and I decided to grab my phone to record her. It was always the same song and it always managed to make her feel relaxed and happy. But I never really found comfort in that music until that point. She had hummed that tune so many times before and I never really paid any mind to it.
There was this one time where the two of us decided to take a little walk because the kids went to bed early. And we stayed silent for a very long time as we walked alongside one another. I reached out to her hand and I held it as tightly as I could. And I realized that I wasn’t ready to let her go just yet. I also realized that I should have held her hand a lot more when I had so many opportunities to do so.
She felt so weak as I squeezed her hand tightly. I knew that walking was a struggle for her. But she kept at it. She knew that she had to be strong – not for herself, but for me.
She passed away a month after we moved back home.
And to all the men out there who are reading this, learn to appreciate your woman while she’s there. Once she’s gone, you will realize that the time you spent together could never be enough.