This might come off as really immature, but I know that you already know how I feel about this. What I’m about to relay here is something that I would never typically want to open up to you about because I know that it puts me in a position of weakness. I treat our relationship like a game that I must win; and I know that that might be an unhealthy way to look at things – but that’s just how I am. Is it possible for a narcissist for me to fall in love with another person? When I tell you that I love you, I really mean that ii appreciate all of the hard work that you put into this relationship. It means that that I am deeply appreciative of the way that you make me feel;
of the way that you go out of your own way to take care of me and make sure that all my needs are being met. I mean that I am thankful for how hard you try to meet my expectations and to always bring a smile to my face. And I also mean that it means a lot to me to know that you don’t expect me to be the same way towards you. I really do love this power that I feel like I have over you; I feel like you just willingly give yourself up to me. I feel like you put me in a position to just abuse your kindness to its limits. I feel like you put me in a position to just take advantage of how much you’re willing to do for me;
of how far you’re willing to go to keep this relationship alive. And it really amazes me that you’re so willing to put yourself in such a position of weakness against me even when all I do is demean you and make you feel like a lesser being against me. It’s as if you’re feeding yourself to the wolves – and I represent the whole pack. I really do love being able to look at you and remind myself of the kind of stronghold that I have over your person. I love that I am always somehow able to convince you to believe that you are never going to be enough for me; that no matter how hard you try,
you are always going to disappoint me. I love that I am always able to convince you that everything bad that happens in our relationship is always going to be your fault. I love that somehow, even though I am always forcing you to lower your expectations of me, you still keep your hopes up because you think that I’m worth it. I love that I am just able to disappoint you at every turn and yet you still keep on coming back for more. I love that it’s so easy for me to convince you that your sole purpose of existence is to serve me and make my own life as easy and as comfortable as possible. I love that you are so easy to just manipulate and control;
that somehow, you’re like a little puppet I can bend to do my bidding whenever I want. When I tell you that I love you, I really mean that I love the way that I feel whenever you are together. To be more specific, I love how I get to see you as a mere object and you don’t really mind. I love how I can be possessive and territorial with you; like I am entitled to have a sense of ownership over how you live your life. I like the status that comes with having you attached at my hip. I love the feeling of having you cling at my arms whenever we’re walking down the road; just because of how other people are going to see me.
I love that I am the dominant one in this relationship; how I’m the one who gets to call the shots. And most of all, I love knowing that other people want what I have; I love it that people are jealous of the fact that I can treat you this way and you still keep coming back for more. I love that I am able to make you feel like you have to work even harder to earn my love; I love that I have the power to make you feel inadequate and unworthy.
I love that I am always somehow able to convince you that your actions are never enough; like somehow, you are never going to be someone who is deserving of my time and attention. I love how you always strive harder to try to make me love you even when you know deep down inside that I’m never going to love you more than I love myself.
