There are just no words that can accurately describe the kind of pain that I felt when you chose to cheat on me.
The idea of forever used to always come up in your conversations. And so it’s strange to think how things turned out to be: forever was never in the cards for you after all.
We made our promises to each other. We proclaimed our love for one another. We manifested all of our deep feelings through words and actions. We could never have imagined a scenario wherein we weren’t together. We thought we would have never been able to cope with the idea of being without each other. But in the end, none of these mattered. Nothing turned out the way that we intended. This is what blind hope does to people. It builds them up only to break them down.
But I guess hope is always going to be a necessary aspect of human life. We can’t help it. We can’t possibly go through life in a happy manner if we didn’t have hope. Hope is what gives light to most of our days. Hope is what gives us the motivation to power through our darkest and most desperate hours. So you can never blame a person for hoping.
But if you think that you care about a person and hope to have a future with this person, then why would you ever decide to cheat and be unfaithful? The answer is simple. You don’t care about this person as much as you think you do. You aren’t as hopeful about a future as you think you are.
And no, your animal instincts and your needs aren’t an excuse. We all have instincts. We all have our share of needs. It’s just that my needs differed from yours. You had a need to pleasure yourself with someone else. I needed you to be loyal faithful to me. I needed you to commit to me.
You will never know just how much it hurt to find out that you cheated on me. I can’t even think of any other experience in my life that could conjure up the same kind of emotional trauma that you gave me. I can’t think of any other time in my life wherein I felt so down, so betrayed, so unloved, and so uncared for. I couldn’t imagine ever being able to survive this kind of situation ever again. I felt like I hit rock bottom when you cheated on me.
There are just no words that can accurately describe the kind of pain that I felt when you chose to cheat on me. But consider this a literary attempt at trying to express my heavy feelings at that time.
For the first part, you won’t want to acknowledge the truth that is being thrown at your face like scalding hot water.
You won’t want to let go of all of the hope and the love that you once held so dearly to your heart. You will not want to let go of all of your optimism and idealism about your relationship. You will not want to acknowledge that your relationship is probably in shambles and you might not ever be able to fully recover from this. You will not want to come to terms with the fact that your partner did something so incredibly despicable; something that you never would have expected them of ever being capable of doing. You will not want to believe that everything you once believed in was a lie.
And then once you have some time with it, you’re going to learn to accept the truth. And then the real weight of the situation is going to hit you like a brick.
This is when you are going to feel all of the pain that you wish you could just get rid of. This is when you are going to be forced to deal with your broken heart. This is when you are going to try your best to act rationally but you won’t be able to because your feelings and emotions are just a little too much for you to handle. You try your best to act like a stone, but in reality, you are practically a puddle on the floor. And life’s shoes just keep on stepping on you.
Then all of the self-doubt is going to creep in. You are going to unreasonably blame yourself for not being able to prevent this situation for happening. You will doubt that you will ever really find anyone who is going to love you the way that you deserve to be loved. You are going to think that perhaps true love just isn’t in the cards for you because you aren’t worthy of it.
But once all the emotional fog clears, you are going to be left with just yourself; and you’re going to realize that you’re all you need to get better and move on. You will understand that you don’t have to let this unfortunate act of infidelity cripple you into being someone that you don’t want to be. You know that it’s going to be difficult, but you will try your best to be okay again.