Don’t throw yourself at someone if they’re not paying attention.
It’s a classic scenario. You develop a liking for a particular guy. You can tell that he’s kind of interested in you too. You have a great conversation and you really hit things off. You exchange phone numbers in the hopes that things eventually lead to somewhere special.
And so you take your time and you send him a text message just to keep the ball rolling. But then, he doesn’t reply to you. You wait, but still, no response comes. It’s worrying you. It’s confusing to you. It might not seem like such a big deal; it might seem like a very small and insignificant event in the early aspects of a relationship. But you also have to keep in mind that in a fresh relationship, there are no events so small or insignificant.
Every single gesture, action, and occurrence carries heavyweight. They all have heavy implications. However, you choose to react to this kind of treatment is going to give this guy a very good idea of what kind of person you are. They are going to scrutinize how you are going to react to this situation and they will try to gauge just how much power they have over you in this early relationship.
There’s no denying that the age of smartphones and social media has revolutionized the way that people interact and communicate. It has completely changed the dynamics of dating and how people approach new relationships. You are now fully capable of making the moves on a person without even having to be in the same room as one another regardless of what time of the day it is even.
However, that convenience can also be seen as a potential tool for guys to see just how invested the women might be in their potential relationship. There are certain expectations that present themselves in the age of texting and social media that were never there before. And they have made things infinitely more complicated. In the old days, couples could go dates, weeks, and even months before hearing from one another.
And that was something normal. However, these days, if you don’t get to talk to the person you’re dating at least once every 1-2 days, it’s always going to be a cause for panic. It forces a lot of people to overthink everything. It’s an anxiety-inducing phenomenon that a vast majority of people still fall victim to.
So back to the matter at hand. You’re interested in him and you’ve sent the first text. But he hasn’t replied. What do you do now? Is there a substantial cause for you to worry? Should you be panicking at this point? Well, first, take a deep breath. The most destructive thing that you could do at this point is to just assume that everything has gone to hell.
Don’t automatically assume that he’s playing games with you or that he’s grown disinterested. Perhaps, he’s just been busy with things at work. Maybe he has a few family issues that are dealing with. Or maybe his phone is broken and he hasn’t been able to check his messages yet.
There are so many possibilities and you shouldn’t automatically assume that the worst-case scenario is true. You never know that the reason he hasn’t replied to you has absolutely nothing to do with you. So the first thing that you need to do in this situation is this:
1. Nothing.
Just do nothing. As mentioned, you can’t just automatically assume that things are over between the two of you. And it’s going to seem very desperate and needy on your part if you send another text message. So just take a passive approach for now. You already did all you can. You sent the first text message and the ball isn’t in your court anymore.
2. Remember your worth and value in life.
Don’t let the fact that they haven’t replied to you convince you that you are less than your actual worth. Again, the issue might not have anything to even do with you. And besides, your sense of self-worth shouldn’t be tied to whether or not a man replies to your text message.
3. Do what makes you happy in the meantime.
Keep yourself busy. You’re only going to kill yourself with anxiety if you just wait by your phone. Do what makes you happy. Engage in your hobbies. Go and exercise. Immerse yourself in your work. Go ahead and learn new skills.
4. Wait for 2 days before you send a follow-up message.
If he still hasn’t responded after a couple of days, then go ahead and send a second message. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he just forgot to reply to you and he needs a little reminder or an extra nudge.
5. Move on if he doesn’t respond.
If he still doesn’t reply, then move on. He doesn’t deserve a third text message from you. If he wants to be in your life, he will make an effort to be a part of it. But if he doesn’t, then you deserve to find yourself someone who does.
Talk to me
Has this happened to you? Talk to me in the comments below!
I have this chatmate, a korean guy. I made it plain at first that all i want is just friendship, and that flirting wd hm is just fun. Bt then, he started hinting0that he misses me, and that makes me so aware of hm, especially when hes the one insisting me to admit that i like and love him, to which i just laugheae at. I once turned my whatsapp privacy setting to nobody, which causes hm to question if im already nt in whatsapp. He sees my status updates sometimes. Now, when i had admitted and apologized 4 missing hm, and assured hm that i cn stop myclf, he made it clear that he misses me and that hes serious of telling me he missed me. When i send hm a message, he just replied be safe, and called me a soldier, then he has nt replied to my chats eventho hes online several tines. what happend?
I have been allowing this exact scenario to play out over and over again for almost 2 years. ?
We only “dated” for less than 2 months. ?
Long post: Started talking to a guy I met on an app beginning of March. I was getting over someone else at the time. We hit it off pretty well and agreed to start things casually, yet open to seeing where things went. I said I open to casual, but believed in being honest about what I am doing with who out of respect to all involved. He said that was ok by him. So we were talking every other day and planning to meet up, when Covid hit and we were quarantined. We continued to talk pretty much daily, we are both somewhat introverted so it wasn’t the most terrible thing that could happen, but about a month in so end of March we had a pretty hot sexting session (with steamy pic sent back and forth of course not nudes). After this I sort of dropped off a bit, because I needed to process everything but we continued to talk about every other day, and discuss plans for meeting up once the quarantine ended. I said maybe May. So then mid April he sort of drifted off a bit (for 7 days), and I had a feeling in my gut like there may be someone else, but we were’t exclusive and I wasn’t sure what I wanted at that point so … I casually reached out with a crazy story about my cat and a mouse. He replied. Said that he’d been feeling depressed. He mentioned that he’d had a history of depression, was medicated and talking to therapist to manage. So I figured that he was feeling the weight of the pandemic etc etc. We initiated chatting regularly. And I should mention that his texting has always been a little sluggish, but he normally responds a few hours later or the next day, and I pretty much mirrored these response times. But through out the entire time, there are a ton of I like you, and wish I could se e you texts, along with convos about family, life, etc. So we enter May (two weeks ago) and we are both like let’s just bite thebullet and meet. We plan on a walk in the park with masks on to keep safe. I’ve mentioned to him that I have not been physical with anyone since quarantine. He said he hasn’t been the best about quarantine, but didn’t make mention of dates. (Maybe I should have asked but I didn’t). We hang out for a few hours, and then text the rest of the night and plan on a virtual date the following week. He wanted sooner, but I said no the weekend is best. So we have our virtual date … it’s going well, got a little steamy which was cool and then he’s like I really need to see you, when can I see you. I said maybe next weekend. I reiterated I haven’t been physical with anyone during quarantine. At this moment: he couldn’t reciprocate and I was so shocked I can’t remember if he said he was still seeing someone or had seen someone. I remained calm and said: I’ve had a really great time with you, but I can’t be physically intimate with someone who is intimate with other people during this pandemic. If this changes for you please let me know. He replied… But you said you were seeing other people. I replied: yes, before Covid and I told you I wasn’t physically intimate. He insisted that he’d told me about it, to which I replied you didn’t and there is text proof. He finally said: I understand. And I ended the call. The next day I felt that maybe I had miscommunicated earlier so I texted: I know that these are lonely and complicated times but I appreciate you keeping me safe and letting me know about you other partners, before we became physically intimate. I said that I was hurt because I felt that we were on the same page regarding Covid safe exploration, and that I was open to discuss ways we could keep things safe; but that if he had other priorities I was open to friendship until a later time when we understand more about the virus. He replied a day later: I’m sorry I made you feel hurt. To which I replied: Are you open to working this out in a Covid safe way… (I said it a little bit more sexually charged and light then this) … He hasn’t responded in 4 days. (?)
I started seeing a guy three months new.I got t now him through his uncle. this a man doesn’t reply In time saying he is busy….he told me to take slow for him…but this time he isnt responsing at all yet he is online it confusing me and am worried.what do i do.i like this guy