Recently, researches from the University of Virginia were tasked with finding out the most important things to have to ensure a quality marriage and long-lasting relationship. More than 3,000 men and women were involved in the study and the findings were indeed staggering.
The leaders of the study assumed that the responses would center around things like “frequent sex” or “constant communication”, but they were in for a big surprise. It turns out that most of the responses centered around the idea of “generosity” in a relationship.
Does that shock you as well? It definitely shocked the researchers at first. But upon further analysis and study, it’s not really all that hard to see why.
In 2014, John Gottman, a relationship expert, and researcher has said that kindness and generosity are the two most important aspects of forming a long-lasting union. And lately, more and more studies have been coming out about how generosity is very much linked with happiness within one’s self and a relationship as well. And it totally makes a lot of sense too.
When you get into a relationship with someone, you are no longer just accountable to your own life. You are taking in the life of another person as well. You are accommodating another soul. And it’s important that you are able to give up some sense of self in order to accommodate this human being into your life.
But if you’re still not completely sold on why generosity is going to be important for you and your relationships, then perhaps you should read this article in its entirety. Just remember that in a relationship, it always pays to be selfless. Here are some things you might be interested to learn about generosity and why it’s so important in relationships.
1. Generosity is something that you can learn.
Scientists have already confirmed that there are those of us who espouse a kind of natural generosity. Some of us are just more naturally inclined to generosity especially when we are exposed to it at very early ages. However, that shouldn’t be taken to mean that those selfish people can’t “learn” generosity.
It is actually a very trainable trait that you can work on every day. It will get better over time the more that you practice it. And if you’re genuinely interested in making your relationship work, then you will want to make sure that you practice your generosity on a daily basis with your partner.
2. Generosity is more for others than it is for yourself.
You should never really look at generosity as something that you can be keeping score with. It’s not something that you can use as a bargaining chip later on in the relationship. Generosity is not a “you scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours” type of situation. And it should never be seen that way.
True generosity happens when you are able to give without expectation. It’s when you are able to give without necessarily expecting any returns. True generosity is always extrinsic. It’s something that is focused on the person that you’re giving to and it’s never about yourself. That would be contradictory to the essence of generosity.
3. Generosity is an important aspect of forgiveness and moving on.
In a relationship, it’s always important to practice patience, understanding, and forgiveness with your partner. And generosity plays a huge part in that as well. In any kind of relationship, forgiveness is essential because no one is ever going to be perfect.
We are all bound to screw up to a certain degree. And that’s why it’s important that we are with partners who are able to forgive us for our faults. And when you forgive, you would always have to espouse a certain sense of generosity. You want to be able to make your partner feel okay with the fact that they’ve just committed a mistake. It would be selfish for you to hold it over their heads.
4. One of the best ways to practice generosity is giving the benefit of the doubt.
A lot of times, we can often let our biases get the best of us. And that’s what you call selfish behavior. We only ever really think about our perspective on the matter and we don’t take into consideration the other sides of the story. But when you are generous, you don’t automatically jump to assumptions.
You really think about how your partner factors into the whole situation before you start casting your accusations and assertions. You are always mindful of what your partner has in mind.
5. Generosity can really help with your sex life.
Generosity is really something that’s going to help in a couples’ sex life. Studies have shown that couples who have a more “Giving” and “generous” philosophy in the bedroom tend to be the ones who are most pleased and happy with their sex lives.
