It doesn’t matter whether you believe in “The Secret” or “The Law Of Attraction” or not. There really is a significant effect on a human’s psychology whenever they are able to make structured list of details and qualities that they look for in life – and in this case, the list and qualities that you look for in a potential mate. The reason why it’s so effective to just make a list is because it’s going to really force you to confront your needs and expectations in love. It’s going to really force you to organize your thoughts; to really think about what you want in a romance with someone.
You can’t go into the dating game with just a vague idea of what you want. If you do, you aren’t going to be able to recognize what you want when you see it. The more you shape your thoughts and the more you concretize your ideas, the better it will be for you to identify a quality man when he’s right in front of you. A lot of times, people make the mistake of just focusing on the negatives with the people that they date. Maybe this guy was just too much of a creep. Maybe this guy had some real emotional baggage that you didn’t want to deal with. Maybe this guy just didn’t have any direction in his life and he couldn’t land a job.
Yes, you shouldn’t settle for these kinds of people. But it’s also important that you don’t just focus on the negatives. You can’t go into relationships already seeking out the bad parts of a person. You need to be able to see the best in people.So instead of focusing on people who “shouldn’t be creepy, crazy, and unemployed”, you should be looking for men who are “respectful, smart, and hardworking”. When you focus on the positives, you will find that it becomes so much easier to spot these people in a crowd.
You’re clearly defining what you’re looking for and you will learn to focus on seeking these traits in everyone that you meet. Does that make sense to you now? Do you understand why that’s important?
1. Look at your relationship history.
Think about all of the men that you have dated in the past. Think of all of your relationship experiences. What was it about these men that attracted you to them? What traits did they have that you would want to find in your future relationships as well? Granted, the relationship ended and things didn’t turn out as planned. But you would still probably be able to extract some kind of good from these romances. Really try to think long and hard about the stuff from these relationships that made you want to hold on; the stuff that made you want to fight harder.
For instance, perhaps you liked how this one guy always held your hand when you walked together. Or maybe you liked how this other guy was always such a fun conversationalist. And then maybe this one guy was always willing to give you so much of his time. Take all of these positive qualities from the different men that you’ve dated and combine them all to form one ideal man. Of course, you shouldn’t be limiting yourself to the positive traits and characteristics that you have already experienced. It’s also important to look into the aspects of those relationships that you felt were lacking; the stuff that you never got to experience.
Maybe you wish your exes could have been more mindful of your feelings. Perhaps you wonder what it would be like to be with a man who is driven and ambitious. You could also be wishing for a man who has no problem with expressing his true feelings and opinions to you. Take all of these ideal scenarios and mix them all into the pot as well. You don’t even have to limit yourself to the “deep” stuff. You can also list down the “shallow” parts that people don’t usually talk about. Maybe you want a guy who has blonde hair. Perhaps you’re interested in an athlete; a guy you can work out with.
You could also wish for a guy who reads. These little details are perfectly valid and it’s okay for you to list them down. Once you’ve completed your list, take a read through. Run through it again. Review everything that you’ve written and then throw that piece of paper away. You don’t need that list anymore. Your ideal guy has been ingrained in your mind. You can go out and look for him now. But it’s still essential for you to stay flexible. You aren’t going to find this perfect guy. He doesn’t exist. However, at least you now know what you’re supposed to be prioritizing when you analyze the men that you date.