For the longest time, I thought that we were fine.
I’m just goingto be honest here because there’s no point in being anything otherwise. Thevery moment I met you, you struck a chord within me; but it wasn’t a good one.You left a bad impression on me. You weren’t necessarily someone I fanciedbeing around. But there was just something about you that I really couldn’tshake. I knew that deep down, there was something inside of you that was justreeling me in and I was powerless to it. It’s as if a gravitational pullmanifested itself around your body and chose me as its victim. It wouldn’t beuntil much later on wherein I would discover why. You turned out to be the mostimportant girl to have ever entered my life; and there’s probably no changingthat.
It took a while,but eventually, I had my way. I had to let some time go by and wait for you tostart getting comfortable with the idea of having me in your life. When youstarted to open up to me, it was like a gateway drug. I felt hooked. I wasaddicted. I saw glimpses of your universe and I knew that I wanted more. I knewI could never get enough of it. I saw you for who you really are without anywalls, illusions, or obstructions. I saw just how pure and reliable your heartis. I saw just how kind and loving your soul is. I saw just how delicate youare and yet, you still possess the kind of strength that is rare to find.
Never in mywildest dreams could I have imagined a life as robust, as thrilling, asexhilarating as it was when I was just first falling in love with you. I canstill feel everything I felt back them. It’s almost tangible. It’s almost as ifit were something I could reach out and grab. It was so real and vivid to me.It took over my entire body and I didn’t fight it. You were just toofascinating a person for me to overlook. You had so much depth within you. Iremember being taken aback by you day after day; peeling away at all the layersto your soul only to find more and more surprises. The more you chose to revealyourself to me, the more immersed I was into the black hole of your life. Icouldn’t escape and I frankly didn’t want to.
I was forced tostep out of my comfort zone. I don’t usually like making myself vulnerable topeople. You already know that. But at the time, I was totally disoriented. Ididn’t know what I was doing. I wasn’t sure about what I was supposed to befeeling. I didn’t know what steps to take, but I know I just had to moveforward or else I might have risked losing you for good. So I started to openmyself up too. I started to allow myself to become a little more tolerant. Iknew that I was setting myself up for pain and disappointment, but that was arisk that I was willing to take. You are always going to be a risk that I’mwilling to take. There’s just no denying the kind of impact that you’ve made onmy life. At this point, there was no turning back. I either had to go all in orjust turn my back completely. As expected, I went all in. I went all in foryou.
For the longesttime, I thought that we were fine. We were stable. We were consistent. I trulybelieved that what we had was special and was something that was worth holdingon to. I knew we had our ups and downs but every couple goes through thoserough patches, right? I thought that our love would be enough to pull youthrough. At least, I thought my love for you would be enough to pull usthrough. I was smitten by you. I thought about you and about us day and night.You were constantly on my mind. I was always looking to make you happy. Butthen, you chose to leave. I was shocked. I was taken aback. Everything that Ihad feared most in the world lay in front of me and I didn’t know what to do. Iwas paralyzed. I was confused and disoriented. I was caught in a daze. But mostof all, I was heartbroken.
I didn’tunderstand it at first, but eventually, I learned to just face the truth.However, just because I’m facing the truth doesn’t mean that I’m going to becontent with it; that I’m going to accept it. I still want you back in my life.I still believe in us.
I still want us to see things through and I’m going todo whatever it takes to win you back. But for now, I’ll just wait for you to beready again.