Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t always like what I see. I have to be honest with you about that. I’m not always happy whenever I take a long hard look at my life and the person that I’ve become. I’m the kind of girl who reads too much into things. I blow things out of proportion. I also have a tendency to really focus on things that shouldn’t really warrant my attention. I can try to manufacture drama out of things that shouldn’t really matter. And on that front, I can be incredibly childish and immature. I know that I do a lot of things that I shouldn’t be proud of; things that you wouldn’t be proud of either.
I know that I can be an idiot sometimes – but I’m still hoping that even if you see all of these things in me as well, you can still love me. I hope that you can acknowledge these flaws in my personality and still choose to stay with me. I know that I can be a hypocrite sometimes. There are moments wherein I see myself just being a complete and utter demon. It’s like I have an out-of-body experience wherein I’m looking down on myself; and I’m judging everything that I’m doing. I can sometimes be a person that I have difficulty respecting. I am my biggest critic – and that’s warranted.
There are plenty of things about me that warrant criticism. I’m not always going to be on my best behavior. And I know that even when I’m at my best, I’m going to be far from perfect. But I still hope that you can give me that perfect love – the kind of love that I know I’m undeserving of. I hope that you would still choose to stay and love me regardless of my personal shortcomings. Because after all, isn’t that what true love is supposed to be? Unconditional? I know that I can really be a handful most of the time. It’s not something that I’m proud of. It’s important to me that you know that.
But there are times wherein I just feel too weak and I lose control of my senses. I do things that I would think to be out of character. I do things that I regret even as I’m doing them. I say the nastiest things even when I know the kind of effect that my words can have on other people. I am lazy with how I deal with my problems. I let other people pick up the slack for my own ineptitude. I stir the pot and make a mess of other peoples’ lives just because I’m bored. I might not do these things a lot; but still, I have my occasional weak moments. And in those moments, I need you to still be there for me.
I need you to still look me in the eyes and tell me that even though you’re not proud of what I did, you still love me the same. I need you to just hug me and tell me that you’re still going to be there when I wake up in the morning; to tell me that you love me and that you believe that I can be better; that I can do better. There are times wherein I can be tactless. I know that. There are moments wherein I can be such a slob. I am very much aware of that. I know I need to gain better control of my behavior. I know that I need to get my life together. I know that I need some structure, guidance, and direction –
and these are all things that I need you to help me with as well. I don’t need you to love me to the point that you choose to accept my faults. I need you to love me to the point that you push me to be a better human being. Because isn’t that also what love should be about? Shouldn’t loving relationships be about two people who are trying to enrich one another’s lives? I know that my life is in need of much enriching – and I also know that you are the person for the job. when love means giving space, it sometimes requires stepping back to allow each other to grow independently. It’s about understanding that fostering personal development can ultimately strengthen the bond we share. Together, we can discover that love does not always demand closeness; sometimes it flourishes through respectful distance and mutual encouragement.
I need you to promise me that you’re never going to judge me until you know the full story. I need you to promise me when I say that I’m never going to lie to you; that I’m always going to try my best to be upfront with you about everything. I need you to promise me that every time you look at me, you won’t block anything out. I need you to look at me and see me for who I really am – with all my dark spots and imperfections included. And I need you to love me the same.
