Maybe it’s safe to assume at this point that a vast majority of grown-up women in this world have long fantasized about someday meeting the perfect man. I know that I have had my share of daydreams and fantasies in my own life. I have personally dreamed of meeting a big and strong man with a soft and welcoming face. I envision him having blonde hair, blue eyes, a little scruff, and a smile that can light up a whole town. He would probably be wise beyond his years and I would always look forward to hearing whatever comes out of his mouth. He would also be the kind of guy who would be a character straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel. I want him to always be loving and romantic. I want him to be a writer who makes great poetry; someone who leaves random little notes for me to find every day.
I crave to be with an artist; someone who plays some kind of instrument. There are so many things that I want in my ideal man; I could go on and on. And I’m sure that it’s the same for a lot of other girls as well. And like most other girls, I have always been taught to believe that I shouldn’t settle for anything less than I think I deserve. I am told to always pursue the best because I am only going to end up unhappy with someone I’m going to have to compromise with.
Of course, there is some wisdom to that advice, but it can also be incredibly misleading. It doesn’t necessarily tell the whole story. There’s nothing wrong with you wanting the best for yourself. No one can blame you for that. As a woman, you deserve to clamor for quality man who ticks all of your boxes. However, you shouldn’t forget that men are entitled to do the same. And that’s something that you really need to keep in mind.
I significantly remember being told when I was younger to list down all of the traits and qualities that I would want in a man. I was told that this was a great way for me to weed out the guys who shouldn’t even be worthy of my attention. Of course, I listed all of the common stuff; the kind of stuff that most girls would want in their own leading man. I wanted a guy who was attractive, brave, musical, artsy, intelligent, hardworking, etc. And as time wore on and on, and the more I talked to y girlfriends about how hard it was for us to find our ideal men, the realization struck me: we’ve been so caught up talking about the kind of men we want, we didn’t give much time to talking about the kind of women we wanted to be. And that’s when I understood that we were approaching everything all wrong.
That’s when I found out that a paradigm shift was needed. We were always talking about the kind of men that we needed in our lives; but we never really talked about the kind of women we needed to be to attract these kinds of men. And that was wrong. That was selfish. We needed to change.
Society is always teaching us to think about what we deserve in this life; and it’s always encouraging us to pursue these things. However, a lot of us can also fall victim to having a false sense of entitlement. And that’s bad. Just because we want the ideal man doesn’t mean that we are automatically going to be deserving of him. There are so many women out there who think that they’re worthy of being loved by prince charming and yet they fail to act like princesses themselves. Remember, prince charming isn’t going to go after you unless you actually give him something that is worth chasing.
Yes, you are deserving of the best love story possible; but you shouldn’t be missing the point. You have to make sure that you EARN a person’s love. You are never entitled to a great love story. It’s one that you’re going to have to go after and write for yourself.
You think that you deserve to be treated like a queen; like absolute royalty by your man. And that’s fair. However, you have to be willing to act like a queen yourself; and you need to be treating him like a king. The better you present yourself to your man, the better he’s going to treat you- and vice versa. That’s just how love works. It’s a constant give and take; and you just can’t be content on always getting everything that you want without giving anything back in return.
