It really had nothing to do with the sex. That’s not the benefit that I was talking about. It’s not the benefit that we’re going to be concerning ourselves within this discussion.
We were friends and we had so many benefits that had nothing to do with sex at all. We benefited through the little intimate moments that we shared together; the times wherein we really connected with one another on a very intimate emotional level.
It was beneficial every single time we gave each other compliments without any prejudice or ulterior motives. It was in those sweet little instances wherein you just looked at me straight in the eyes and I could just tell that you were always keeping things real with me. It was when you looked at me and I really knew that you liked me.
It wasn’t my face. It wasn’t my body. It wasn’t my physical self. It was more than that. You liked me as a human being. You liked me for being me.
I really got to benefit out of having a friendship that was continuously growing and getting stronger. I was in a friendship that always made me feel safe and secure. It was so freeing to know that I was in a friendship with someone who I know I could text at any moment of any day. I got to benefit from sharing so many funny inside jokes with you.
I got to benefit in the form of learning so many things about you. I got to benefit in being to share in intimate little secrets with you. I know that you set a lot of firm boundaries surrounding the dynamics of our friendship. You wanted to make sure that there were no blurred lines between us.
But that didn’t really stop us from getting intimate with one another. There were times wherein you hugged me like there was no tomorrow. There were days wherein you texted me nonstop because you had so much fun talking to me.
There were times wherein you gave me compliments that were a little more than friendly. You stayed the night a few times. You cooked breakfast. You always looked at me as if you were falling in love with me.
I really got to benefit from spending so much intimate time with you where it was just the two of us. I loved the times wherein you and I could be alone because no one else could judge us or make us feel insecure.
It was just the both of us being our true and authentic selves with one another because we were both unafraid. I always loved listening to the stories that you told me; the stories that you would never really reveal to other people. I always loved the look on your face whenever it was my turn to share a story about myself.
I loved being able to get to know you better. And I also loved the feeling of knowing that I always had your utmost attention. I always loved the feeling of us having a lot of fun even though we never planned on it. Yeah, the sex was amazing. But it wasn’t about that at all.
It was everything that led up to it and everything that we did after it. We had a lot of fun in the bedroom but we also had a lot of fun outside of it. We never shared a single night together only for one of us to leave right away after the deed was done. We always stayed and talked. We connected. It was more than just sex and you know it. In fact, the sex played very little part in it.
I wasn’t really in the “Friends with benefits” scenario just purely for the sex. I agreed to the arrangement but we both know that I wanted more than that. I wanted to spend more time with you.
I wanted us to get to know one another more. I wanted to be able to devour you with my kiss. I wanted to really get a taste of what it would be like to be your real-life girlfriend even though we never really discussed labels.
I wanted to have a chance to be actually called yours. I wanted you so bad even if all we had was something casual. I wanted you even if it was temporary. Because what we had was definitely better than nothing.
But now, things are over. And I’m trying to get over the fact that we never really did turn what we had into anything serious. It meant a lot to me and it pains me to know that we couldn’t have been anything more. Or maybe we could? It looks like I’ll never find out.