You’re probably familiar with the stories of women who just can’t seem to get out of the relationships with men who hurt them or manipulate them. These women are sick of being in their relationships. But they seem to be with men who just can’t let them go; of men who refuse to let them leave. And it’s because of this stubbornness that these women end up staying anyway.
They think that because these men refuse to let them go, they must love them for real. These women believe that they should stay because their men express a desire for them to stay. They think that it’s okay to stay in that kind of relationship since their men still let their desires be known to them.
But a lot of the time, that shouldn’t really be the case at all. If you happen to find yourself in that situation, then you just might be making yourself a little too easy or convenient. You might be a little too damn beneficial to this man and that’s why he doesn’t want you to walk away from him. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he loves you or that he deserves to have you.
There are so many women in the world who act as mothers to the men that they are with. It’s okay for you to want to take care of the man that you love. But it shouldn’t be at the expense of your own self-care and self-love. When they talk about unconditional love in a relationship, they don’t mean that you should always love your man regardless of how terribly he treats you. You still have to make sure that he is deserving of the love that you give. Because if you’re not careful, you’re going to have misplaced love instead of the unconditional kind. And you don’t want that.
You shouldn’t be with a guy who serves as a financial burden to you. You shouldn’t be with a guy who you allow to get away with far too much. You shouldn’t be with someone who cheats on you and flirts with other girls in front of you. You shouldn’t love a man who breaks you down mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. And you definitely shouldn’t be with a man who is physically abusive towards you.
It doesn’t matter if he tells you that he wants to be with you. It doesn’t matter if he keeps on asking you to stay with him. Sometimes, you just really have to put your foot down. Sometimes, you just really have to call him out on his toxic masculinity and misogyny. You deserve to be treated well by the man you love. He has to be doing his part in earning your love.
Remember that if he is truly in love with you, he wouldn’t be doing anything to deliberately hurt you. He wouldn’t be acting hot and cold with you. He wouldn’t be allowing himself to be inconsistent in his positive treatment of you. He is a selfish human being and he isn’t deserving of your love.
You have to keep in mind that you only have so much love to give to other people. That’s why you need to make sure that you don’t waste your love on someone who is undeserving of it. And if you find yourself in a toxic relationship like this; a relationship that you can’t seem to get out of, then you might want to keep a few of the following things in mind:
1. Understand that your needs aren’t being fulfilled.
You can’t just stay in a relationship purely because you love a guy. You need to make sure that your emotional, mental, and spiritual needs aren’t being compromised in the process as well.
2. Don’t allow yourself to be too easy.
You can’t be too easy. You have to make him EARN your love. You have to make sure that he is putting in the effort to make him deserving and worthy of whatever love that you are ready to give him.
3. See the reality of the situation.
You need to be able to see the reality of the situation. You can’t let your love blind you from the things that are taking place right in front of you. Don’t be so naïve to believe that everything is fine just because you love him.
4. Focus more on what he does and not just what he says.
Sure, he can tell you that he loves you and that he wants you to stay. And that might make you feel really good and warm. However, it’s all moot if he doesn’t back his words up with real actions.
5. Don’t work too hard to make excuses for him.
If you find yourself having to defend him to your own thoughts, then you know that you’re with the wrong guy. He should be the one who is defending himself. You shouldn’t have to be coming up with excuses on his behalf.
