Why you need to realize that love is not an obligation
Love is universal, yet, the way everyone perceives love is different; for someone love might mean making breakfast for their significant other every day, for another person it might mean having someone with whom you can go out for a drive at 3 a.m, some might even perceive love as just being able to sit in silence with their soul mate and not feel awkward. Point being, everyone has different perceptions and ways to express love and maybe that’s one of the things that make love so beautiful.
I personally don’t believe that we fall in love only once in our lives, we fall in love a number of times, sometimes with the same people, sometimes with new ones. And the reason for that is simple; people change, situations change, and the way we feel changes along with that. So a lot of times we fall out of love, and that is as confusing for us as it is for the person we love. We know it’s going to hurt them and we don’t want to hurt them, yet it is so fatalistic in the sense that you can do nothing about it.
Imagine, every time you look at your S/O you feel a spark, every morning you wake up, look at their face as the sunlight streams on it and you feel that spark, then one day you turn to look at them and that spark just isn’t there. It’s gone.
All that love you had for them is gone and in its place you are filled with that sinking feeling in your chest, that choking feeling in your throat. You don’t know what to do. You begin to ask yourself, was it something I did? What happened? Should I have tried harder to keep things exciting? Should I have said I love you more often? Is there something wrong with me? What happened?
Truth is, we cannot control the way we feel and trying to do so is counterproductive because you can’t stop what is inevitable.
A lot of times when people fall out of love, they don’t know what to do and that stems from trying not to hurt the person you loved. A lot of times the people still try to make the relationship work out of a sense of obligation, but you need to realize something; love is not an obligation. You can’t force a feeling that isn’t there; nothing good can come out of it. In the end someone is going to get hurt no matter what. So why not just be upfront about it the minute you realize it?
If one day you wake up and you just don’t feel that spark for your partner anymore, tell them, be honest with them. They deserve that much, don’t lead them on because the truth will come out in the end, and it will cause more pain than if you had just told them straight up.
I remember once that a guy told me he loved me; he was a really good friend and I cared about him a lot, but I didn’t love him. Yet, when he told me he loved me, in an attempt to not hurt him, in that attempt to fulfil the obligation I felt of returning his love, I told him I loved him too. Throughout the course of our relationship, I told myself that I would eventually fall in love with him, but it never happened.
And, when I finally convinced myself that it had to end and ended it, the outcome was horrible. He hated me and I can’t even blame him. I lead him on and I would hate someone who did that to me too. Relationships built on obligation rather than on love don’t last long. After a while you start resenting your partner because you get sick of having to do things for or with them instead of wanting to do them.
This served as a lesson that I have carried around with me always in every relationship I have been in. Love is not an obligation. People who do not realize this even tend to stay in toxic and abusive relationships. They make excuses for their partners saying that they can’t help it, despite everything he/she still loves me’, I can’t hurt him like that’. They go through all this suffering all because they view love as an obligation and not something that is voluntary.
Also, try to remember just because someone tells you they love you does not mean you are obligated to love them back. Have you ever thought of why some people get so angry when they are rejected? It’s because for them love is an obligation that has to be fulfilled and if they tell you they love you, whether or not you love them does not matter, they demand to be loved for the mere reason that they chose to love you. And, that is not what love is about. Love is about mutuality.
Don’t ever let someone make you feel bad for walking out of a relationship. You have the right to choose to do so. If you are unhappy, if you are hurting, if you just don’t think it’s not workable anymore-walk out. You aren’t obligated to love someone just because they say they love you. You aren’t obligated to be hurt and abused under the guise of love. Love is not an obligation.
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