A marriage consists of two people equally taking care of each other; it fails when the balance breaks. Every happy marriage has two people sharing a healthy emotional bond together. Today’s Reddit post is about a wife who told her mother-in-law and mother that she’s not here to babysit her husband.
A Reddit username who has now deleted her account posted her situation on Reddit’s AITA (Am I the A**hole?) subreddit. Her situation is below:
“I (30f) have been married to my husband for a year. We are expecting our first child and its a really tricky pregnancy for me.”
“My husband grew up as a mommas boy but throughout our relationship that dynamic changed and he became more independent. His mother always cooked for him, cleaned for him even when he was an adult he was never required or taught how to do house chores. He learnt all that through me.”
“I’m working a really hard job since I was 25. I work at a warehouse and I always work overtime because my boss is horrible but that’s another story. My husband is working from home even before the pandemic.”
“Now, my MIL and my mom call me a bad wife for not caring for my husband properly. They claim its my job to do the cooking and cleaning. My mom justifies my MIL intervening in our household matters. She says I’m not a proper housewife.”
“My husband complained to my mom today that I’m too lazy. That I haven’t cooked a proper meal in a week and I only cook easy quick meals. I’m working a 12 hour job while pregnant and he’s working from home. My job is also a 2hour drive from the house. I’m away 14 hours a day overworking myself while he does nothing to help around the house and the few times he does help he rubs it on my face while calling me lazy and complaining to my mom and his mom.”
“While I was at work today my MIL called me and complained about how her son has lost weight since he married me and how I’m not feeding him and she’d never let him marry me if she knew how shi**y I am as a wife. I told her her son is a grown man who’s fully capable of taking care of himself, also told her to never bother me again while I’m at work and hang up.”
“My mom called me few minutes later to also complain and I told her I’m not my husbands babysitter I’m his wife and if she and MIL want to act like babysitters to him then be my guest.”
“I was having a chat with my friend from work about that and she told me I’m TA because that’s what I signed up for when I married my husband and I should take responsibility when I’m not doing my wife duties the right way. She said I let online feminists get in my mind and I forgot what a proper wife is like and I’m being an ass by trying to rebel against my husband while also offending my MIL and mom. So AITA?”
After receiving a lot of responses to her question, she posted a few updates to explain her situation further:
“Edit : hey. Thanks for your feedback. I want to update and also comment on some things I’m seeing.”
“First of all I really don’t appreciate the victim blaming in some comments, people blaming me for getting in an ab*sive relationship and having a baby. You know it’s not always that simple and easy. My husband worked on himself for the better when we started dating years ago. While we were dating and while we were engaged and lived together he was always helping out. He grew up with the mommas boy mindset but once we became more committed he started changing his mindset and behavior about gender roles and treated me as equal. Even when his mom tried to intervene certain times he’d put her in her place and defend me. His behavior started shifting back to the gender roles mindset slowly after we got married. At first it was more subtle but the signs were there though not as obvious. As time passed I also found out I’m pregnant and it was getting worse and worse. The cherry on top was now that he has been also complaining to my mom about how lazy I am. For many years we were equal and he never displayed that misogynistic mindset since he bettered himself. It only happened after the marriage.”
“Secondly, I talked to my sister about it. My twin sister lives in an entirely different continent and had no idea of these things. She was furious when I told her and called our mom to defend me. Then my mom called and said I’m trying to cause a rift between her and my sister because I refuse to take responsibility and accept I screw up as a wife. She said that if I keep screwing up she won’t support me and I’ll end up alone so I better watch my steps. I don’t know how to feel about this and how to react, what I should do. I’m completely alone. The only person who could possibly support me is across the globe.”
“Edit 2 : To everyone asking where I’m from, if I’m non western. I’m a white American from Illinois. My MIL is a lawyer and my mom is a school teacher.”
The Reddit community came to this wife’s support. Everyone told her she did nothing wrong. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the top comments:
“NTA, if he wants it like that, then he needs to make enough that you can stay home and do all that, and even then, only if you agree to it. Had a similar conversation with my husband’s gramma. She got upset when I said I don’t like to cook all the time, asked who was gonna make dinner. Uh, he can also cook??? We both work full time so I dunno where she got off telling me I needed to be a housewife.”
“NTA- it’s not the 1950’s and if he’s really ‘starving’ he’s perfectly capable of getting up off his lazy a** and cooking! His behaviour and laziness is quite disgraceful really and I’m sorry that you’re married to somebody and have a family with such misogynistic views”
Opagea spoke facts:
“Easy solution. Announce that you will become a proper traditional housewife and do all the cooking and cleaning. You will also be quitting your job (that you hate) because providing is 100% your husband’s responsibility as the traditional man.”
This post has over 1.5k comments; you can read them on Reddit here.
NTA. This wife did the right thing by speaking her mind.
What’s your Take?
What’s your take on this wife’s situation? Let us know your take in the comments below!