A marriage consists of two people equally taking care of each other; it fails when the balance breaks. Every happy marriage has two people sharing a healthy emotional bond together. Today’s Reddit post is about a wife who told her mother-in-law and mother that she’s not here to babysit her husband.
The Story
A Reddit username who has now deleted her account posted her situation on Reddit’s AITA (Am I the A**hole?) subreddit. Her situation is below:
“I (30f) have been married to my husband for a year. We are expecting our first child and its a really tricky pregnancy for me.”
“My husband grew up as a mommas boy but throughout our relationship that dynamic changed and he became more independent. His mother always cooked for him, cleaned for him even when he was an adult he was never required or taught how to do house chores. He learnt all that through me.”
“I’m working a really hard job since I was 25. I work at a warehouse and I always work overtime because my boss is horrible but that’s another story. My husband is working from home even before the pandemic.”
“Now, my MIL and my mom call me a bad wife for not caring for my husband properly. They claim its my job to do the cooking and cleaning. My mom justifies my MIL intervening in our household matters. She says I’m not a proper housewife.”
“My husband complained to my mom today that I’m too lazy. That I haven’t cooked a proper meal in a week and I only cook easy quick meals. I’m working a 12 hour job while pregnant and he’s working from home. My job is also a 2hour drive from the house. I’m away 14 hours a day overworking myself while he does nothing to help around the house and the few times he does help he rubs it on my face while calling me lazy and complaining to my mom and his mom.”
“While I was at work today my MIL called me and complained about how her son has lost weight since he married me and how I’m not feeding him and she’d never let him marry me if she knew how shi**y I am as a wife. I told her her son is a grown man who’s fully capable of taking care of himself, also told her to never bother me again while I’m at work and hang up.”
“My mom called me few minutes later to also complain and I told her I’m not my husbands babysitter I’m his wife and if she and MIL want to act like babysitters to him then be my guest.”
“I was having a chat with my friend from work about that and she told me I’m TA because that’s what I signed up for when I married my husband and I should take responsibility when I’m not doing my wife duties the right way. She said I let online feminists get in my mind and I forgot what a proper wife is like and I’m being an ass by trying to rebel against my husband while also offending my MIL and mom. So AITA?”
After receiving a lot of responses to her question, she posted a few updates to explain her situation further:
“Edit : hey. Thanks for your feedback. I want to update and also comment on some things I’m seeing.”
“First of all I really don’t appreciate the victim blaming in some comments, people blaming me for getting in an ab*sive relationship and having a baby. You know it’s not always that simple and easy. My husband worked on himself for the better when we started dating years ago. While we were dating and while we were engaged and lived together he was always helping out. He grew up with the mommas boy mindset but once we became more committed he started changing his mindset and behavior about gender roles and treated me as equal. Even when his mom tried to intervene certain times he’d put her in her place and defend me. His behavior started shifting back to the gender roles mindset slowly after we got married. At first it was more subtle but the signs were there though not as obvious. As time passed I also found out I’m pregnant and it was getting worse and worse. The cherry on top was now that he has been also complaining to my mom about how lazy I am. For many years we were equal and he never displayed that misogynistic mindset since he bettered himself. It only happened after the marriage.”
“Secondly, I talked to my sister about it. My twin sister lives in an entirely different continent and had no idea of these things. She was furious when I told her and called our mom to defend me. Then my mom called and said I’m trying to cause a rift between her and my sister because I refuse to take responsibility and accept I screw up as a wife. She said that if I keep screwing up she won’t support me and I’ll end up alone so I better watch my steps. I don’t know how to feel about this and how to react, what I should do. I’m completely alone. The only person who could possibly support me is across the globe.”
“Edit 2 : To everyone asking where I’m from, if I’m non western. I’m a white American from Illinois. My MIL is a lawyer and my mom is a school teacher.”
The Responses
The Reddit community came to this wife’s support. Everyone told her she did nothing wrong. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the top comments:
Worldly_Science said:
“NTA, if he wants it like that, then he needs to make enough that you can stay home and do all that, and even then, only if you agree to it. Had a similar conversation with my husband’s gramma. She got upset when I said I don’t like to cook all the time, asked who was gonna make dinner. Uh, he can also cook??? We both work full time so I dunno where she got off telling me I needed to be a housewife.”
Child-o commented:
“NTA- it’s not the 1950’s and if he’s really ‘starving’ he’s perfectly capable of getting up off his lazy a** and cooking! His behaviour and laziness is quite disgraceful really and I’m sorry that you’re married to somebody and have a family with such misogynistic views”
Opagea spoke facts:
“NTA”
“Easy solution. Announce that you will become a proper traditional housewife and do all the cooking and cleaning. You will also be quitting your job (that you hate) because providing is 100% your husband’s responsibility as the traditional man.”
This post has over 1.5k comments; you can read them on Reddit here.
Our Take
NTA. This wife did the right thing by speaking her mind.
What’s your Take?
What’s your take on this wife’s situation? Let us know your take in the comments below!
Source: Reddit – AITA for telling my MIL and mother i’m not here to babysit my husband
NTFA: This man needs a reality check & needs to come back down to earth. He is not helpless, he has 2 hands, 2 feet and obviously a mouth, he is capable of helping out! AND if he dont know how to cook he can pick up the phone and order out!! I feel for you when your baby does get here bc he’s really going to be a crybaby when the baby is getting all of your attention and he is getting none!
Get a divorce. He’s not worth it!
Turn the table back to him. Let him be the sole family supporter and bill payer and as a good wife she can stay home, clean house, grocery shop and take care of the kids. He also needs to maintain all vehicles, mow the lawn and take out the garbage as these are part of the husband’s role. If he wants to go back to the 1950’s show him the way.
I would consult a REALLY GOOD divorce attorney!! You need to be proud of ALL you do! Good luck,and I hope that you have some people who are truly supportive of YOU!!!!
I have a friend her partner always goes home to mommy and has everything cooked for him. Plain lazy. Share it equally. None of this she the household wife. Hopes he’s willing to get 2 jobs to support. One income isn’t enough in this day and age. My ex was the same I was told to stay home n cook n clean. Sometimes men aren’t worth it most men tight to mommy’s apron strings
Get a divorce. You unfortunately married a loser with a loser mother. And your own mother is a disgusting for not supporting you. You do not need this stress especially while pregnant.
Stay strong.
PLS, RUN.
it’s bad enough that he’s not supporting you during this crucial period of pregnancy, he’s acting like a child complaining to mama about his hungry tummy.
WHAT
THE ****. get the hell out of there!
I have 2 grown sons, I did everything for them when they were at home, including, they know how to cook and do laundry. Don’t get me wrong they did not do it at home. But this day and time it is a 50/50 deal. I believe the man should do his part at home. I also would never get into the middle of a good relationship and make trouble the way this MIL is doing.
Tell your mother and motherinlaw to mind their own business. Furthermore, if they would like to come cook and clean for some lazy son of a bitch that is home 14 hours a day that you aren’t, they are more than welcome to, maybe cook extra so you get something when you get home. You need out of this relationship NOW, take you and your baby and run as far away as possible!!! This situation will only continue and get worse, men are spoiled, mommas boys are sickening!! 24years in and would have definitely done it different, if I had a clue!!
Well it is sad to say but he most likely not help you with the baby either. If he really want to implement the gender role and you are willing to as well, then he needs to provide everything you and the baby needs.
Wow. Just wow. The nerve of your husband first of all for being a complete idiot and jerk and going off crying to mommy dearest and your mother. It sounds like to me all three of them have lost their minds and are true narcissists. What a thing for your own mother to say… a mother should never turn her back on her daughter or threaten to if you “don’t straighten up”… Really??? I agree with you 100% and you have every right to be angry and hurt. They don’t think about your health or your unborn child’s health and well-being. You’re doing what you can do, and from what it sounds like more than him. It’s a messy situation, but it’s only going to get worse if you stick around there. It’s actually a form of abuse from all three. Nah man get out while you can. Good luck!
Thumbs up to you for standing up for yourself, an your husband went in to the marriage with dishonesty an pretense,,an I assure you when the baby comes it will get worse. But place all your burdens at the foot of your Lord an Savior Jesus Christ an he will guide you because Marriage is something that God Blesses.. So pray an let him help you he’s the only one who can believe me..Pray with a sincere an meaningful heart an he will see you through. Have Trust an Faith in Go🙏😘😘
Both of your Mom’s should be supported – for you!! He’s home home he should quit whinning –and when you have your baby you’ll probably need a sitter as he’ll need Help ( Not) he needs to pitch in -and it isn’t going to get better unless Grows some Balls and grows up NOW!!!! he can start dinner, take the trash out make a bed !! and some Laundry too.