A wife who recently received a large sum of inheritance refused to pay her husband’s student loans and left him wondering if he was married to the right person.
Taking on Reddit’s AITA platform, user u/sloanaita said his wife is a stay-at-home mom to their two children while e he works full-time and is the family’s sole income provider.
However, when OP asked his wife if they could use some of her inheritance money to pay off his student loans in order to put the family in a better financial situation, she refused.
“My wife recently received a large sum of inheritance, about 5x the amount of my student loans,” OP wrote.
“A month after everything regarding the inheritance was settled, I talked with my wife about using the inheritance to pay off my loans. She refused to give me any of the money and said the inheritance belongs only to her.”
“I told her that yes legally that’s true,” OP continued. “But we are a family and we should share our resources to make our burdens easier. She disagreed and said my student loans pre-date our marriage and are my sole responsibility.”
The father-of-two said added that after his wife refused to help him pay his student loans, the next day he told her since she had her inheritance money, he was not going to pay for any expenses that were solely hers like flights, makeup, spas, clothes, etc.
“Instead I will be putting that money towards my loans to pay them back faster,” he said. “She accused me of being controlling with money and abusing my position as the income earner but I don’t see why I should be responsible for all that when she has her own money now.”
The man then asked if he was TA in this situation.
Some people agreed with the OP and said his wife should have been a good team player in the relationship. However, others disagreed and said it was her money and she was not obligated to help him pay his debt.
“Here’s a problem from her standpoint. She is a SAHM. So she is totally dependent on his earnings and, and this is important, her work history and personal earning potential are taking a hit over it.
If she spends a chunk of this inheritance on his debts and he bails, she will be SOL. Whereas if she doesn’t and he bails, she has more of a cushion,” one wrote.
“Yeah, it would be sensible of her to use that money to help you with your loans to generally put your family in a better financial position.
Yes, it’s abusing your position as income-earner to deny her money for herself. Unless you’re paying her a salary for watching the children, then she is enabling you to make your salary and is entitled to money too,” a second said.
“This. Ultimately it’s her money and OP isn’t entitled to it, but one would think if they had a happy healthy loving marriage then she would want to help out her husband by paying off the loan. They’re both being AHs here,” a third commented.
Let us know your thoughts in the comments…
Source: Reddit
she should pay it even it was his to pay that’s how she gets to sit at home or she can take that money and get a baby sitter and go to work I think he is in the right and she is selfish!
She should keep her money, it is his responsibility. However, she should now contribute to 1/2 the household income to pay the bills. This will have extra funds from his own money to payoff his students loan.
I would not, learning from life experience , I helped my husband with his said bills and now I have nothing to help if we actually have an emergency of any kind… I came to realize that he never helps, even when he has extra money to help. Very selfish!!!
She could at least pay half of the loan. If she’s not willing to help him, then they both have some decisions to make.
Yeah she should pay off his student loans
Need more information to make a correct judgement.
The wife stated the loans were pre-dated before their marriage. How long before the marriage? How old are the loans? Were they classes for his current career? Has he made any payments or attempted to pay off the loan? What’s the monthly payment he makes?? How long have they been married? How’s the relationship? Did she work before kids? Who decision was it to be a SAHM??
She is the AH. She wants to take from the parts of their relationship that benefit her like being able to stay at home and have him pay all the bills, and throw away the parts that require sacrifice from her. There is NEVER a such thing as MINE when it comes to money in a marriage. What’s his is hers and what’s hers is his, PERIOD! If she wants to open the selfish door, her husband has every right to walk through. If her money is hers, then his can be his, and if she doesn’t like it, she can get a job or leave. Her husband does not owe her money for being a wife and mother. And in that vein, he can help with cooking and cleaning on occasion and give her a break from their children. This husband better wake up and realize that someone in their family boat is not rowing in the same direction as him.
This inheritance came to her during thier management and therefore is a marital asset and he is entitled to half.
1000% Incorrect…. Inheritance is sorely yours no matter your martial status. He isn’t ENTITLED to shit.
Seriously ! I would definitely help my husband out with his debt to help better our family situation. This wife is super selfish. I agree with him not paying her luxuries. He’s already paying all the bills, groceries & mortgage.
Presumably his student loans led to a higher income which she is benefiting from. She inherited 5x the loan so yes she could pay it off. She is very selfish!
According to the husband, she has an inheritance 5x what the husband owes. I think she could pay it off, or at least half, and still be just fine. Unless her plan is to leave him because she is able to now that she has the inheritance. There is a need for some more information here.
The wife is TA. Having said that legally it’s her money and the husband also asked for help is not controlling at all. They are married, and so with that you are responsible with each other. Say, the wife is a home maker, taking care of her children and the house, while the father provides. Also, the husband provided things that the wife also just uses for herself, like makeups, clothes and the flights as he mentioned. She should help him atleast. He’s not even saying to use all her money for all their expenses or even mortages and the like.
Inheritance is for the next generation. The kids.
If the government gets rid of the debt from school loans…she has just thrown it away.
He can slow pay until he is 80.
She can get part time while kids are in school to help.
If the marriage fails she has something to fall back on. By the sound of it she may need it.
If he wants to restructure the financial needs of the household they will have to actually sit down and discuss it. It is her right to hold on to it.
Both better figure it out or neither will be there for the kids…money breaks up families.
I been married for 30+ . I have done this before too. Now you pay your stuff I pay for mine. It work better even though he make more money than I, but I always have more money to spend than him!
Husband is NTA, the wife is. Think of it, if it’s the husband who received such inheritance, 100% sure the wife would definitely demand the husband to give all the money to her because she’s a SAHM, and that she’s the one taking care of everything at home (kids, cooking, etc.) But since it’s the wife who received the inheritance, she could have at least spare some amount to help her husband pay off his student loans. But then yeah, she’s very selfish and definitely TA. Husband should really stop giving her money for her own expenses (makeup, spa, flights) as mentioned above.
I assume its money left to her by a deceased parent. In that case it is hers to do what she likes with eg she could buy a holiday home with it and have something to remember her parents by. Her husband could have got support from his own parents to help out with his student loans. If she puts the money into a holiday home then he still gets the benefit of family holidays and she still retains her asset that she may need someday. The timing of her parents decease and hence her receiving the inheritance should not be treated as a windfall to cover costs that the husband could have paid back before they were married. The student loan payments will not be refunded to her if the marriage fails so of course she should not use her money from her parents frugality to allow her husband to be free of debt.