You are going to end up regretting the chance that you didn’t take on her, but you will also understand that you’re just a little too late.
You are always going to be thinking about her. She is going to hold a permanent place at the back of your mind.
At night, you’re going to be lying awake on your bed. You’re going to be browsing through your social media feeds and by chance, you’re going to see her name and her face. You’re going to be reminded of her once more even though you’ve been trying so hard to forget about her. You don’t like to think about her because it makes you feel bad. You miss her and there’s not much you can do about it. Eventually, the sadness is going to consume you and you drift away into dreamland. But the moment you wake up and you turn over to an empty side of the bed where she used to lay, you’re going to be stricken with sadness once more. You’re going to hurt trying so hard to grab at the memories of her just laying there with her eyes closed in a deep slumber you, just waiting for her to wake up.
You try to shrug the sadness off and you go about your day. You walk the streets where you once used to walk together, hand in hand. You buy your favorite cup of coffee from the place where you used to have countless dates. You sit in your office and you stare at the phone she used to send random text messages to just to check up on how you were doing. And then, when the day is done, you go back home to your empty apartment where your girl and your food would be waiting for you at the dinner table. Everything that you do just reminds you of her and you hate how that’s the case.
But the pain of her absence is going to be most prominent whenever you are idle and quiet. Whenever you are being passive and you don’t know what to do with yourself, the silence is going to consume your life. She always used to bring a lot of noise, color, and vibrancy to your day. She used to fill your home with so much laughter. But now you’re left alone and silent to ponder on your own thoughts. You look at all of the spots of the apartment where you used to just hang out and stare at one another not having to say a thing. You just enjoyed each other’s presence and being around one another was always enough.
You are also going to regret not taking a chance on her during all the fun and exciting times of your life. When you’re throwing a Super Bowl party at home with your group of friends and you suddenly realize that she’s no longer around for you to hug and give a high five to whenever your team scores a touchdown. You’re going to miss her when you’re catching a concert of your favorite musician and you realize that you won’t get to hold her hand when your favorite song starts playing that you won’t get to dance with her when that music starts swaying. You are going to miss her on your long commutes on the train when you’re drowning in a sea of people and you don’t have a familiar face to turn to.
You are going to end up regretting the chance that you didn’t take on her, but you will also understand that you’re just a little too late.
You’re going to realize that you had your chances. You could have just taken the dive. You could have just taken a leap of faith. You could have stopped yourself from thinking about it too much. You could have not allowed the doubt to cripple and consume you. You could have just cast all of your fears and apprehensions aside. You could have followed your heart instead of letting your brain talk you into indecision. But you didn’t, and now you have nothing to show for it but regret.
It’s an unfortunate situation. She was hurt when you chose to not take a chance on her. It hurts you now that you somehow let her slip from your grasp. But that’s what choices do they force you to deal with the repercussions whether good or bad. And here you are, being forced to deal with it in ways that you don’t want to.
Sure, regrets are always going to be a part of life. People will always end up making a few wrong decisions as they try to make their way through this world. But at the end of it all, you are mostly going to regret the things that you didn’t do; the chances you didn’t take. You are going to regret not taking a chance on her the most.
