You Are My Favorite Distraction

You are what I wake up for every morning. You are what I think about when I’m not thinking. You are what brings me life, and you are what blinds me from it.

I am just absolutely in love with the way my mind just seems to wander back to vague outlines of your body; to the shadowy depth of your eyes; to the bright and blinding light of your smile. I love how you just continue to run across my mind; reincarnating yourself in different forms of you. I love how I can always clearly imagine the subtle curve of your lips which plays well with the distinct strength of your jaw. I love how I can imagine myself turning into butter at the sight of you smirking at me with your eyebrows raised and mouth slightly ajar. Again, here you are pacing through my mind as if you’re running a marathon. My heartbeat tries to adopt the rhythm of your steps. It tries to keep up with you as you pace back and forth. You sprint, you stop, you walk, you run. You can’t make up your mind. My heart can’t decide on a pace. It skips beats and beats. It normalizes. It doesn’t again. And it’s all your fault.

Now, we’ve managed to get caught up in a little dance. In my mind, we are trotting our way through the old memory lane. The tap dancing has my heart racing again at irregular intervals. And now you’ve managed to slow it down into a mellow waltz. It’s structured. It’s sure. It’s safe and secure. Now we’re boogieing down into something less innocent. My heart is used to this kind of action and it lights up with excitement. The music is blaring louder and louder with only the two of us as an audience. Suddenly the lights start to dim and he music just gets softer and softer. But somehow, the light around you doesn’t seem to diminish. You only continue to illuminate the darkening spaces of my mind. I see you smile. I smile in return. I see you laugh. I stifle a giggle. I feel a relentless urge inside of me. I want to reach out and touch but you I seem paralyzed in my own head. I want to be able to feel your skin on mind, but my mind as numbed my senses. I want to be able to rest my head on your chest, but somehow you seem to get farther and farther away. The music is practically gone at this point, but we’re still caught in our little dance. We’re swaying against the wind in an attempt to defy time, space, and logic. We are safe in our little cocoons of love and I don’t know what to do to get out of it; nor do I want to. 

Suddenly everything seems to spiral down into nothing. An abyss takes over the confines of my head and I am left feeling very disoriented. Just when I’m about to give up and let go, your face suddenly appears. The small crinkle in your nose is still there. The slight twinkle in your eye brings me back to life. You lick your lips as if to brace for something hot and steamy. I smile at you hoping that you smile back at me in return. You do. I feel a warmth inside of me that I can’t explain. It’s like a thousand rays of sunshine meet the steaming hot cup of coffee in the mornings and they managed to have a baby inside of me. That’s the kind of warmth that the thought of you brings into my life. Suddenly, the world shifts and you’re right next to me. I feel your hand rustle through my hair. Caressing it into order, the way you caress my life into place. I feel you breathing into my ear as you whisper your sweet intangibles. My heart is set on fire. My head is ablaze. Smoke is pouring forth from my ears and my nostrils. I feel our bodies merging into one and I don’t want to do anything to stop it. I let it happen.

We have a tangible connection between us. I can see it like a magical electric spark. Whenever our hands touch, it ignites a flame. I see the way your face lights up whenever you lock your eyes on mine. I feel my heart wanting to rip itself out of my chest whenever you start to hold my hand. You are the song that fills my life with enchanting melodies and mind numbing harmonies. You are the ray of sun that brings life and colors to my days. You are the water that freshens and hydrates my soul into being. I see all of these things that are essential to life in my head, but in the center of it all is always you. You are what makes my life worth living. You are what I wake up for every morning. You are what I think about when I’m not thinking. You are what brings me life, and you are what blinds me from it. You are my favorite thing to think about.

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