You Showed Me What Real Love Was And Now I’m Afraid Of It
During the time that you and I were in a relationship, you actually managed to show mean what it means to be really in love.
I was just sitting in the backseat of my Uber ride when suddenly, our song decided to come on the radio. And the weird thing, our song isn’t necessarily one of the top hits that the radio stations play too often. It was a random occurrence and so I couldn’t fully wrap my head (or my heart) around the absurdity of it all. But most of all, I felt overwhelmed at the rush the wave of feelings and memories that just overcame me.
We allowed ourselves to fall in love for one another. We knew what we were getting ourselves into. We knew all of the risks that were involved with falling in love. We knew what it meant to allow ourselves to become vulnerable to open up to one another. We understood the rough journey that lay ahead of us. We knew the challenges that we were bound to face. We knew about all of the effort that we were going to have to put into our relationship. We put ourselves at the mercy of the universe. We were puts who could see our own strings.
There’s just something incredibly calming about having to face a clouded future while holding the hand of the person you love and trust the most in this world. It’s incredibly comforting, despite how dire a situation you may be stuck in, to know that you have someone at your side who would willingly take a bullet for you. You suck it up, you close your eyes, and you take your steps towards the unknown and the unknowable in seamless unison.
During the time that you and I were in a relationship, you actually managed to show mean what it means to be really in love. You gave me the valuable perspective on love that I badly needed. You were the one who really opened my eyes to the sheer power of love and the great potentials of what a real love could do to a person.
It was more than us just telling each other that we loved one another. No. it transcended mere verbal expressions of affection and intimacy. Love managed to manifest itself in how we went about our everyday lives. It was love that truly added little blots of light in an otherwise very dark picture. Love is the subtle reason we woke up with huge smiles on our faces every morning. The great thing about real love is its consistency. It’s there when things are going swell when life is filled with butterflies and rainbows. But it’s also there when life gets really rough when we’re at each other’s throats over a very heated argument. Love was there when we had our expensive dinners at the most luxurious restaurants. But love was also there when we just chose to have some Chinese takeout while lounging around on the coach at home. Love was there when you bought me all of those expensive and lavish gifts. But it was also there when we were struggling to pay our bills. Love was there during our most intimate moments cuddling in bed. Love was also there when we had to make space for one another to give ourselves the chance to breathe.
It was fascinating to see just how far love could reach and to witness just how powerful an effect it could have on the lives of two people. You really taught me just how significant a mark love could make on someone’s world. You showed me the real face of love and I fell in love with that face. But you also exposed me to the fear that comes with that kind of love.
Because despite all of the love that we had for one another, things still didn’t work out. Despite how much we loved one another, we still grew apart and we had to call it quits. I didn’t want to have to detach myself from you but it was something that I needed to do. I had my feelings hurt substantially and it was all because of everything that your love made me feel. I had grown accustomed to a certain way of loving and I had all of it stripped from me right before my very eyes and I was helpless to it. I couldn’t do anything to salvage the situation. It was like being stuck in a burning room as I slowly watch the flames consume everything around me.
Yes, you showed me what real love looked like, but you also showed me just how afraid I am of losing a love like that. And while I still dream of falling in love with someone the way that I fell in love with you, I’m afraid to do so. I’m afraid of losing someone the way that we lost each other.