I put up so many walls. I built so many fences. I strengthened all of my defenses. But in spite of all of these things, you could still tell that I wasn’t being genuine.
I made the mistake of succumbing to the pressure of turning myself into a person I was not comfortable with being. I was guilty of living a life that I wasn’t okay with living just because I wanted to gain the approval of those around me. And I was doing a good job of living that charade. I did a good job of maintaining that faГ§ade. I managed to fool a lot of those around me. I maybe even managed to convince myself that I was okay with the life that I was living. But you were different. You could see right through me. There was no fooling you. There was no deceiving you. You understood me better than I even understood myself.
I put up so many walls. I built so many fences. I strengthened all of my defenses. But in spite of all of these things, you could still tell that I wasn’t being genuine. You could still see right into my heart and you knew that I wasn’t being myself. And I just have to make this admission: it’s intimidating to meet someone who just seems to understand me better than I even understand myself. It’s exciting but also scary at the same time. And that’s how I know that this is a good thing.
And while it can be scary to meet a person who knows you better than you know yourself, it’s just as scary to meet someone who is so much like who you are deep inside. Because once you realize that the both of you are living life on the same wavelengths, you really can’t dupe one another. You can’t pretend around each other. You can’t deceive each other. Whatever walls or defenses that you put up for yourself will be rendered futile. You might as well be who you truly are because there is no way your acting skills are going to prevail this time.
This is the person who takes the time to try to hear not just everything that you say, but all the things that you leave unsaid. This is a person who knows that the things that you don’t want to admit are just as important as the admissions that you’re willing to make.
This is a person who sees that there is a deep pain behind the smile that you’re forcing. This is someone who sees the tears that you refuse to let flow. This is someone who sees the anxiety that lies behind the calm demeanor that you try so hard to exude. This is someone you could never win a poker match against. This is a person who knows all of your tells and your habits. This is a person you could never bluff or fool.
This is a person who understands the nuances of the way you carry yourself and your manner of speaking. This is someone who can accurately gauge how you are feeling with your mere choice of words and the tone of your voice. This is someone who knows what type of mood you’re in based on your texting style.
They are the ones who know whenever you’re hiding something from them and so it would be pointless to try to conceal your innermost thoughts and feelings. They are the ones who understand when you’re trying to cover something up.
This is a person who knows when you’re just trying to put on a brave face even though deep down, you’re a just a frightened little child who needs a hug. This is a person who knows that your tears aren’t because you’re sad at your own weaknesses; but because you’re just so passionate about life and about living. This is a person who notices and takes to heart all the little details about you that no one else really pays attention to. This is a person who takes a vested interest in your life because they make you feel like you are more important than you believe.
And at the end of the day. You were this person for me. You were the one who really understood me when everyone else didn’t. You are the only one who took the time and effort to really figure me out even when others didn’t give me a second glance. You were the only one who really put in the effort to break down my defenses because you knew that that was key to winning my heart over and gaining my trust. You were the only one who really showed resilience in trying to figure out the enigma of my life. You were the one who really knew who I was and what I am still capable of being. It’s because of your faith in who I am, I still believe in my worth as a human being.
