At the end of the day, it’s not really about whether you have arguments in your relationship or not. It’s about how well you move on from moments of conflict and find a resolution as a couple.
It may seem counterintuitive at first, but it’s true that the constant presence of arguments in a relationship may actually mean that couples love each other a whole lot. Technically speaking, an argument is a discussion between two people who are expressing opposing points of view. In this event, both people are honestly manifesting their personalities and ideologies through words directed to another person. Yes, a lot of us think that our relationships should always be a perpetual honeymoon stage where we’re always smiling, kissing, laughing, and holding each other’s hand. We get flustered whenever we emerge from those blissful stages and start stepping into the reality of love and relationships. We are forced to confront the idea that not everything is going to go as smoothly as we want it. We are going to have to make some compromises and we are going to have to make some concessions.
It is through these acts of compromising and conceding wherein we truly reveal who we really are as people, and also get better glimpses into the personalities of the people we are with. And by extension, because we have a better understanding of each other, we are granted the tools of mobility to love each other in ways that we never would have discovered before. Relationships are like muscles in bodybuilding. It may take a few breaks and damages to occur before it can be rebuilt to something greater and stronger. Relationships are always a learning process and it would be too foolish and prideful to say otherwise.
However, like everything else in life, there must always be a balance. While arguments can be good for a relationship, people must know that not all arguments carry equal weight. There are the good necessary kinds of arguments that couple need to have, and there are the unnecessary ones. To go along with that, there are proper and more productive ways to argue as opposed to shallow and unconstructive manners of argumentation. If we are going to argue in our relationships, we must always do so in a healthy and civil manner so as to preserve the chemistry and bond in the union.
You should always be careful with your words. Words have the power to be either a piercing sword or a gentle blow. You must always make an effort to watch what you say so that you never end up saying something you’re going to regret. Always try to stay on topic whenever you’re arguing, and make sure to never bring up past arguments. Make an effort to listen to each other as opposed to just waiting for an opportunity to make your point. If you are feeling angry or upset during the argument, be honest about it and let your partner know. Also, when you find that you are being irrational and illogical in your arguments, never be afraid to admit that you’re wrong.
If at any point during the argument, things start getting personal, you have to pause and take a moment to recollect yourselves. Learn to manage your anger better and deal with opposition or conflict in a more constructive manner. Sometimes, arguments get so heated that they become destructive more than they are constructive. When you feel like the heat is just a little too high, then take a breather.Always make an effort to place yourselves in the shoes of your partner. You will never really understand another person if you just refuse to see things from alternate perspectives. You have to understand that your world-view isn’t necessarily going to be truth, and that you may not just be looking at an issue from the same perspective. Be openly communicative with one another and always try to be more receptive of views that contradict your own. An open-minded person is someone who always goes far in life. Remember that the goal here is for the both of you to be happy, and you can never be happy if you just refuse to see things from each other’s point of view.
Do your best to remain level headed at all times during an argument. You never want your emotions to get the best of you because that is just a recipe for disaster. You must always make sure that you are making sound and reasonable arguments. If the topic of the argument is particularly sensitive, then it’s even more important for you to keep your emotions in check. The goal of an argument is not to hurt each other; but rather, to reconnect with each other in a way you didn’t before.
Lastly, maintain a sense of grace, class, and dignity during your arguments. Never resort to name-calling, teasing, yelling, or profanities. You have to be adults about it. You can’t afford to be acting immature if you want to save your relationship. No successful relationship has ever been built on the personalities of two immature people.
At the end of the day, it’s not really about whether you have arguments in your relationship or not. It’s about how well you move on from moments of conflict and find a resolution as a couple. It should be about the strength of your love and your determination to overcome any obstacles together.