At the beginning of any new relationship, it’s going to be practically impossible to pretend that neither of you has ever been intimate with someone else before. It’s very rare that a contemporary adult would have no experience in dating and relationships these days. And for the most part, it should be okay to talk about exes and past relationships.
In fact, those kinds of discussions should be encouraged so as to promote openness and transparency in a relationship. However, there are limits as well. You have to know the boundaries. You have to know your limitations. There are just some things that you shouldn’t be telling your new guy about. And here are a few of them:
1. Avoid making any direct comparisons with how they handle things.
Avoid making any direct comparisons between your ex and your current partner particularly with the way that they handle certain situations. For instance, when you’re not pleased with the way your new beau does something, don’t criticize him by saying, “This is how my ex always used to do it…”
2. A vacation or trip that he might have taken you on.
You never want to have your new boyfriend having mental pictures of you and your ex on a fun getaway to wherever. You can casually mention that you’ve traveled but make sure to never go into any specifics about those trips that you used to take together.
3. The size of his…. Junior.
This is a struggle that many new relationships are always going to have to face: the fact that partners have had intimate histories with other people. And when you’re still in a new relationship, you will want to limit the discomfort of such a topic as much as possible. So just avoid anything pertaining to your intimate history for now. And make sure to NEVER talk about the size of your ex’s “mini-me”.
4. The amount of money he made.
This is especially true if your ex made a lot of money in his career. It would be safe to assume that since you’re in a new relationship, you don’t really know how much money your guy makes. And you don’t want him to feel threatened by mentioning how much money your ex used to make. That might bring about a lot of insecurities.
5. The story of how you met.
The two of you have only just started going out with one another. So, it would be best for you to just focus on the details of your relationship for the moment. You don’t want to be talking about how you and your ex met considering that you and your new partner have only just met too.
6. The best qualities of his personality.
Here’s a little tip for you if you still don’t get it by now: your new partner doesn’t want to hear about your ex in any capacity. And he DEFINITELY doesn’t want to be hearing about how great he was at certain aspects. So make sure to NEVER talk about the best qualities that your ex used to have.
7. The fact that your friends really liked him.
You might think that this is a very casual and innocent thing to say to your current partner. But the truth is that this is how he’s going to take it: he will take it to mean that you’re actually threatening him to make sure that her friends like you as well.
8. The extent of the heartbreak he caused you.
Just avoid going into the details for now. Maybe you can broach this topic later on when you get really deep into your relationship. But for the moment, just keep things vague and ambiguous. Just say that you had a bad breakup and that you’re not comfortable talking about it just yet. He’s going to understand.
9. The gifts that he bought for you.
Again, this is going to rub him the wrong way. This is going to make him feel like you’re pressuring him into buying the same kinds of things for you. And that’s not the kind of pressure that you would never want to be putting on your partner at all.
10. The similarities that they might share.
No comparisons. Again. No comparisons. It’s really important that you understand this.
11. That you still love him… or hate him.
And of course, you never want to be telling him about any lingering feelings that you might still have for your ex. Regardless if these feelings are positive or negative, you always have to make sure that you exude indifference towards your former flame.