I cannot emphasize how much we wish men knew these things, even the best of men fail to understand some of our basic needs. These things are no big deal but life would be so much better if men knew them.
1. Hear us out
We understand that you guys have though jobs and it’s hard to be all charged up when you get home after a tiring day. The thing is we have been working all day long too and we love you and there is no one in the world we would rather talk too. Us, women, need to vent out so please, listen to what we have to say.
It would mean so much to us. You have to know that communication is always going to be the most important aspect of any relationship. When you listen to us and make us feel heard, it’s such a great feeling in the world. There are very few things that are more comforting than knowing that we have someone in our lives who would be willing to really listen to us and pay attention to our needs.
At the end of the day, isn’t that what a relationship is supposed to be about? Isn’t it about having someone who has your back at all times? I need to know that you’re always going to have my back.
I have to know that you’re always going to be willing to lend me an ear for whenever I need to get something off my chest. You shouldn’t underestimate just how much I need someone who would be willing to pay attention to me. You can always choose to disagree, but at least make it a point to hear me out first. Don’t make me feel afraid or hesitant to talk to you about anything at all. You wouldn’t want it to get to a point wherein I just stop talking to you altogether.
2. Don’t pretend to listen
Don’t just pretend to listen to what we have to say. We talk to you because we trust you and sometimes we just need moral and emotional support. It’s very disappointing when we are fretting about something and you have nothing to say except, ‘huh’ indulge in the conversation it makes us feel loved and special.
Sure, it’s a great gesture that you make me feel like you’re listening to me, but I really need you to hear me out. Again. Don’t take me for granted. Whenever we say something to you, know that it’s important. No matter how simple or insignificant it might seem to you, it’s really important that you pay attention to it.
It hurts so much to know that we’re wasting our saliva and pouring our hearts out to someone who is essentially just letting everything get into one ear and out through the next. Of course, listening to what we have to say is only half of what we expect you to do.
We also expect you to engage with us. You don’t have to give us any insightful responses or witty remarks. We don’t expect you to always come up with words of wisdom. However, at the very least, respond to us. Engage with us. Make us feel like we’re not merely just talking to a wall. Let us feel like you’re truly invested in what we have to say. Help us understand what you’re not just posturing or patronizing us. When I talk to you, I need you to talk to me back too.
3. Pamper us when we are sick
Please make us feel cared for when we are sick. We know that you are very concerned when you say, take your medicines and go to sleep, I’ll handle everything else’ but that’s just not enough, we need your attention.
Treat us like a little baby when we’re not well. Of course, whenever we are functioning at optimal health, you can always count on us to be there for you and provide for your every need. We are always going to try our best to cater to your desires. After all, we love you and we want to do everything possible to make your life as comfortable and as happy as can be. However, we are only human and we get sick and tired sometimes too.
While our hearts might be powerful and full of love, we aren’t always going to have the physical strength to function properly in life. In these moments, we hope that you can be there for us.
Even simple gestures like having our meds ready or cooking our meals for us can go a really long way in making us feel safe and cared for. When we’re at our lowest and most vulnerable, this is where you have to shine your brightest. In marriage, they always talk about the idea of loving someone in sickness and in health. This is why I always need to feel your love whenever I’m sick or down with some kind of illness.
4. Help out in the house
Yes, we know you have a job but we get tired of going through the same routine over and over again. Help us out around the house once a week; on weekends we really need a break! As the cliché goes, it takes two to tango. I’m not the only one in this relationship.
I’m not the only one here who is trying to make it work. If that were the case, then we wouldn’t get very far in our relationship. In fact, no relationship would ever be able to survive a one-sided effort.
It’s always going to have to be a team affair. You have to make sure that you are also doing your part in trying to help me out with things. Maintaining a home is no easy affair. There are many components to creating a happy and healthy life at home.
A lot of it is some genuine hard work. Yes, I understand that you may get exhausted from the work that you do at your job. However, I also get tired of being the woman of the household. I also get tired from having to keep things afloat in this home. This is why I need you to step up and do your part as well. I need you to help me out with anything that is required in the home. There are a lot of things that you can do which I can’t.
5. Run errands
Help us run errands, don’t be selfish. Throw the trash out, pick up groceries, drop the children to school the list goes on. Just help us out a bit, trust me if you had to manage a job and a house you would appreciate us a whole lot more! Again, being in a partnership like this one means always having each other’s backs. I must always know that I can count on you to have my back for whenever I need you.
I need to know that I can rely on you to be there for me whenever I’m struggling to get things done. As much as possible, I’m going to run as many errands as I can to make sure that your life is a happy and comfortable one. However, I need to know that you would be willing to do the same for me. I need you to prove to me that I’m worth that same kind of effort.
Even if you don’t want to do something, I still need to know that you would be willing to do it just because it would make my life easier and more convenient. I need to know that you would be selfless enough to put my own personal happiness and my needs above your own every once in a while. After all, when it comes to true love, selflessness is always going to be key. This is why I wish you would run errands for me every once in a while.
6. Surprise us
Some times, just some times, do something amazing and surprise us. It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money, it about the thought you put in to bring a smile on our face. It’s really more about the effort that you put into any gesture that you do for me.
Sure, it’s so easy to go to a store and buy something expensive which you know that I would like. That isn’t to say that we don’t appreciate these lavish and luxurious gifts. We know that you have to work hard at your job to be able to afford these things. All that we’re saying is that gifts don’t always have to be so expensive.
We would love random surprises that come from the heart and don’t make a huge dent on your bank account. Come home with a bouquet of flowers on a random Wednesday. Fix me a delicious dinner by surprise just because you know how tired I can get from work.
Write me a love letter and leave it someplace you know I would be able to find it. It’s little gestures like these that go a really long way with regards to affection and love between the two of us. I would really appreciate any of that extra effort you provide. It further assures me that your love for me is real and that I don’t have to doubt any of it.
7. Don’t lie
Sh*t on the bedsheet and tell us, we can live with that, but don’t lie. Not only is it extremely immoral to tell lies. It makes us question the status of our relationship with you. It makes us feel guilty for not giving you enough space and damages the bond of trust we share with you, so don’t just don’t lie.
Never ever lie to me. I can’t accurately express in words just how much this matters to me.
Honesty is one of, if not the most important thing when it comes to building trust in a relationship.
The moment that I discover that you lie to me, you put everything that you have to say up for question. I will no longer find myself just automatically trusting you. Everything that you will have to say to me after you lie is something that I will come to doubt. And when there is too much doubt in a relationship, it can be really harmful. When there is no trust in the relationship, there is no real love. This is why I must emphasize just how important it is for you to never lie to me. It doesn’t matter how difficult it is for you to open up to me about something. If it’s the truth, then it really needs to come out into the open. I need you to be brave enough to open up to me about anything. More importantly, I need you to trust me with the truth no matter how difficult it might be to do so.
Let us help you out, morally, financially and emotionally. Let us support you, there is no shame in asking your partner for help when you need it. You have got to share the load. There’s a reason why the female empowerment movement is vastly gaining ground these days. Part of gender equality isn’t just about women getting to do the same things that men do. It’s also about men being empowered to express their vulnerability and their weaknesses towards women. We are all human beings and we all have shortcomings. Men shouldn’t have to feel like they should be immune to that.
In this world, men should still feel as if they are allowed to showcase their weaknesses. If you ever need help with anything, then don’t be afraid to come out and say it. After all, this is a partnership and I’m always going to have your back no matter what. Honestly, I love you and I would relish at any opportunity to make your life easier and happier. I would jump on any chance I can get to make sure that you always feel more comfortable whenever you are with me. Know that I am ready to be here for you whenever you need me. It’s just a matter of you opening up and telling me that you need my help with something.
9. Don’t be a baby
You know you will always be our baby, but don’t be a baby all the time.
Most of the time, we need a man. A fully functional grown man, who can make his own decisions and has the strength to take initiative, you know we will always be there to spoil you. At the end of the day, we’re going to pamper you to the best of our abilities. We are always going to do our part in making sure that you feel cared for and catered to. I would never want you to feel as if I don’t have your feelings in mind. I am always going to hold your feelings to high regard.
Whenever you’re feeling down and needy, I’m going to try my best to be there for you. However, I also need you to grow up and be mature whenever necessary. I need you to be strong. I need you to be the solid foundation on which I would live my life. I need you to be as sturdy as a rock. You can’t be immature when dealing with your problems and when you’re facing challenges. Yes, there is room for failure and development. But there should be no room for immaturity at all. If you really want to make things work with me, then you can’t be immature about it. You can’t be a baby. Remember that it takes two responsible adults to make healthy mature relationship work. We would never be able to last if you’re just going to act like a kid.
10. Don’t think we are stupid
We are not stupid, just because we are women things are no different. Honestly, we deal with much more than you guys do. So, respect us and our decisions. Okay, so I know that I’m not always going to make the right decisions in life. In fact, I’m probably going to screw up at a lot of the things that I want to try. However, that shouldn’t be a reason for you to ever assume that I’m an idiot. I have many redeeming qualities and I know for sure that there is so much more to my personality than my mistakes.
I have so much to offer the world and it would be insulting for you to think of me as a stupid imbecile who is incapable of getting anything done. At the end of the day, it all boils down to respect. Do you respect me enough to actually acknowledge that I am an independent and autonomous person who is capable of thinking for herself? Also, it comes down to trust. Do you trust me to be able to make the right decisions and call the shots in this relationship from time to time? It’s important to me that you understand where I am coming from and what you don’t just automatically dismiss whatever I might have to say.
11. Don’t sleep on the living room couch
You are heavy and it’s hard to wake you up once you are asleep and impossible to physically move you. We need our teddy bear to hug us and make us feel protected every night. It’s the best feeling in the world. First of all, we have a perfectly comfortable bed in the bedroom that we can use for sleeping. So, why would you want to subject yourself to an uncomfortable couch in the living room? Also, I sleep on the bed. Why would you ever want to sleep alone when you have the opportunity to drift off into a deep sleep together with me? But to be frank about it, I’m just clingy.
Honestly, I just love the feeling of being able to embrace you in the middle of the night whenever I’m feeling cold. There is just a very different and distinct kind of coziness that I get whenever I’m with you on the bed. It’s a comfort and coziness that no kind of pillow would ever be able to replicate. I’m always going to hope that you sleep with me on the bed for those reasons. But ultimately, it also comes down to the idea of getting to wake up beside you. The one thing that’s more beautiful than going to sleep with someone you love is waking up next to the person you love. So, please just stop sleeping on the couch and come cozy up next to us in the bedroom.
12. Leave space on the bed
Leave some space in the bed for us, we exist too you know. Sometimes we seriously consider pushing you off the bed. Okay, so we already talked about how much I love having you on the bed and how you should stop sleeping on the couch. However, that doesn’t mean that you should get full ownership of the entire bed. I want to be comfortable too! I understand that as women, we tend to be smaller and daintier than you. As men, you’re going to take up more space because you’re much bigger than us.
However, be mindful. We need space on the bed too. We also want to feel like we have a safe space where we can sleep soundly at night. We don’t want to have to go to sleep fearing for our lives in case you ever end up pushing us off the bed. Yes, we can cuddle. In fact, we would really love it if you spoon us to sleep every night. But please also respect the fact that we need a space in the bed of our own as well. We need you to please be respectful enough to be mindful of our safety whenever we’re sleeping. Yes, we SHARE a bed. This means that I should have a space in it too.
13. Don’t hurt our self-esteem
Just because you earn more than we do doesn’t mean you have the right to demean us. If you had to hire a maid for everything we do for you, you’d be broke! Typically, it’s the guy who goes out and earns a living for the household and the family. That’s how it used to be in a traditional sense. However, these days, more and more women have careers of their own and are perfectly capable of being the ones who provide for the family. Whatever the case, money is irrelevant when it comes to basic human decency and respect.
Regardless of how much money I contribute to this family, you should never do or say anything that would put me down or heart my self-esteem. My self-worth shouldn’t be tied to how many dollars I have in my bank account or how many zeroes there are on my paycheck. When you love me, you love who I am as a person and not just all of the perks that come with me. You don’t have the right to demean me or make me feel as if I’m less valuable than you are because of everything that you bring to the table. We should be appreciative of each other’s contributions. Yes, there is always room for criticism when it comes to growth. But that doesn’t give you a free pass to just insult me for the sake of doing so.
14. We may pretend to be superwomen but give us the benefit of doubt
Okay, so we are very strong and everything but remember, we are only human. We strive hard to meet your expectations but understand we have our off days and sometimes we fail. Whenever that happens, we don’t want you to scold us. Whenever we fall short of your expectations, we don’t want to be on the receiving end of snide remarks or any sass on your part. On the contrary, we need your love and your compassion more than ever. Sure, I can get really proud at times. In fact, I’m aware that I can let my pride get the best of me. However, I also acknowledge that I am human and that I’m not always going to be able to back up everything that I say. And whenever that’s the case, please don’t be too hard on me.
Instead, encourage me and try to give me perspective on the matter. Help me learn from my mistakes and grow into the person that I’m supposed to be. We should be lifting each other up and not tearing one another down. I need you to support me both in my successes and in my failures as well. After all, we are both only human and we both have our imperfections. Our love and support should still persist in spite of these lapses of judgment or imperfections that we have.
15. Blame it on the hormones if we have a nervous breakdowns
We literally have no control over ourselves during that time of the month, so please bear with us. Pamper us; get us lots of food and chocolate! We promise to make it up to you and love you better once our hormones are back to normal. Sure, it might seem unfair to you that the way that your body is wired doesn’t give you an excuse to lash out or act irrationally with your feelings. Of course, we totally get that. But science has already confirmed that overreactions due to hormones are a real thing.
And it’s not just a struggle for you. Trust us. It’s a real struggle for us as well to have to deal with stupid emotions that come out of nowhere. It can be really exhausting having all of these feelings during particular times of the month. It can also get really overwhelming. So, instead of piling onto that emotional load that we’re left to deal with, try to be a little more supportive instead. It would go a long way in helping make us feel better about the situations that we are in. Of course, it would also really help to know that we have someone who is being sane and emotionally sound whenever our hormones are going on overdrive. You need to be the one who has the voice of reason and understanding in the relationship during these moments.
16. We like to snuggle more
Please be our snuggle bees for the rest of our lives because we have no idea what we’d do if we didn’t have you to comfort us. Also, you should be thankful of the fact that we really want to snuggle you. The day that we don’t ask you for snuggles anymore is the day that you should really start becoming more worried about the state of our relationship. Remember that a huge part of what makes a happy and healthy relationship is having a good sense of physical affection and intimacy between two people who love one another. If we really enjoy each other’s company, then that’s great.
That’s important. However, keep in mind that physical intimacy is truly what separates friends from being lovers. And part of being physically intimate with a partner is snuggling. You might find it annoying or overly clingy. And that might be true. But the way I see it, it’s better that we are overly intimate than if we weren’t intimate at all. So, the next time you think that it’s rather annoying of me to want to snuggle with you all of the time, think of how bad our relationship would be if there were no snuggles at all. You should never deny my efforts to be more intimate and affectionate with you. This is all for the betterment of our love and our relationship after all.
17. Take interest in our clothing, we want to make you look good
Please be our snuggle bees for the rest of our lives because we have no idea what we’d do if we didn’t have you to comfort us. Also, you should be thankful of the fact that we really want to snuggle you. The day that we don’t ask you for snuggles anymore is the day that you should really start becoming more worried about the state of our relationship. Remember that a huge part of what makes a happy and healthy relationship is having a good sense of physical affection and intimacy between two people who love one another. If we really enjoy each other’s company, then that’s great. That’s important.
However, keep in mind that physical intimacy is truly what separates friends from being lovers. And part of being physically intimate with a partner is snuggling. You might find it annoying or overly clingy. And that might be true. But the way I see it, it’s better that we are overly intimate than if we weren’t intimate at all. So, the next time you think that it’s rather annoying of me to want to snuggle with you all of the time, think of how bad our relationship would be if there were no snuggles at all. You should never deny my efforts to be more intimate and affectionate with you. This is all for the betterment of our love and our relationship after all.
18. Screw the cap back on
Seriously, screw the lid back on, on everything. We don’t expect things to fall out of their bottles when we pick them up and if they do it’s very annoying. But the greater point here is that you should be more responsible and mindful of your actions and their potential repercussions. Yes, when we’re together, you can always be assured of having someone who is always going to have your back no matter what. I’m going to try my best to pick up the scraps for whenever you drop the ball.
However, that doesn’t mean that you have the excuse of being selfish and absent-minded. Simple gestures like screwing the cap back on can go a really long way in easing the burden in my life as well. When you make it a habit of cleaning up after yourself, then that means that I don’t have to do so much work for the spots that you may have missed while doing so. I love you and I would be willing to go to the ends of the earth for you. But I need you to show that same kind of effort by staying mindful of how your actions affect me as well.
19. Don’t turn the lights on when we are sleeping
Once our sleep is gone it’s not coming back, someone is going to have to give us company. Enough said. Okay, so it might be selfish of me. We don’t necessarily go to bed at the same time every night. Sometimes, I’m going to fall asleep a lot earlier than you do. And that’s fine. I can understand why you would want to keep the lights on. There are still a few things that you want to do and you wouldn’t be able to do them without light. I completely understand in those instances as to why the light should remain on. However, when you’re about to go to bed, I need you to be the one who turns those lights off for the two of us.
Obviously, it would be completely unreasonable for me to have to be the one who wakes up and gets out of bed to shut the lights off. So, if you’re not going to be the one who does it, who else will? Again, this all goes back to the point of staying mindful of how your actions might impact me. It might seem like such a small and insignificant thing. But it’s a really big deal when you think about it. In fact, it’s a really serious matter because it’s going to tell me whether you think about my feelings or not.
20. Pick that phone up!
We only call you when we want to talk about something important. Sometimes listening to your voice is very important. So, pick up those calls! Okay, this might be an exaggeration. This might be an overreaction. Of course, we acknowledge that you’re going to be busy sometimes and that you aren’t always going to have the liberty to pick up your cellphone especially when you’re working or when you’re in a meeting. However, whenever you don’t want to pick your phone up or respond to a text message just because you’re annoyed by us, think of how that would make us feel.
When I call or text you, it’s only because there’s a message that I want to get across to you in that exact moment. Sometimes, that message can be important. Other times, it can just be me missing you randomly and wishing to hear your voice. Whatever the case, you should be willing to indulge me if you have the time to do so. Don’t shut me out just because you’re tired of hearing my voice. Be thankful that you still have a girl who so desperately wants to hear yours all of the time in spite of the length of your relationship. One day, if you’re not careful, the phone may not ring anymore. And you’ll miss all of those opportunities wherein you could have picked up the phone.
21. Throw that worn-out boxer
Throw that dirty old boxer out. We can see literally see the elastic through the worn-out cloth. No, you’re not being economical by holding on to that boxer for dear life. You’re not being smart about your money. In fact, you’re being really dumb by clinging on to that dirty boxer short that is ridden with all sorts of holes and tears. Of course, there is value in being able to take care of the things that you own and maximizing all of your possessions. However, it can get really weird when we’re out in public together and I know that there’s a hole the size of the moon in your underwear.
It’s not like you’re poor and you can’t afford to buy new underwear. It doesn’t even have to be anything expensive! It just has to be something that works and is without any holes or dirt marks in it. Also, think about those times when we’re about to have sex. I get really into the mood and I’m so excited to get intimate with you. But then, the moment you unzip your pants and I see those worn-out undies of yours, it can be a really big mood killer. So, please, for the sake of our sex life, invest in better underwear.
22. We like foreplay
Saying that we like it is an understatement, we absolutely love it! Don’t make intimacy feel like a job! Just saying. It should probably go without saying at this point that sex is always going to be a very important aspect of building intimacy, love, and passion in a relationship, right? So, this should be enough incentive for you to be taking our sex life more seriously. As women, it’s much harder for us to reach climax as compared to men. That’s just the way that our bodies are wired.
And we don’t expect you to always help us finish every single time. It’s just that we would appreciate any efforts on your part to help us enjoy the sexual experience as a whole. This is why foreplay is really important to us. For one, it’s going to help us climax because of all the tension that is built up during this period. Also, we find it to be a lot of fun as well. So, even if you want to rush towards the eye of the storm, we hope that you’re patient enough to be able to accommodate our requests for proper foreplay. At the end of the day, if you indulge us in this, then know that our gratitude is always going to be there. And you’re efforts certainly won’t go unappreciated.
23. Tell your mom to not interfere so much
I do love her, but I cannot live my life the way she wants me too. I have my own preferences and ideals. Understandably, you love your mother. This was the woman who gave you life and brought you into this world. Naturally, she raised you and helped mold you into the man that you are today. She turned you into the guy that I fell in love with. And for that, I am extremely grateful. I am happy that she managed to raise you well. However, you are also your own person and you fell in love with me on your own accord as well.
Now that we are in this relationship together, I should expect you to respect the fact that our relationship is ours and ours alone. Your mom has the right to give you her input on our relationship. However, ultimately, it’s OUR choice as a couple that matters most. She should not get a bigger say than I do over how I’m going to raise our kids or how we’re going to do things in our household. You love your mom and she has a very important place in your life. But shouldn’t my place be just as important? Please tell your mom that she’s okay to express her opinion, but she shouldn’t be imposing it on us as if we’re kids.
24. Don’t forget important dates
Remember our birthdays and anniversaries; it’s so upsetting when you fail to remember your own birthday. But seriously, when you make an effort to be more mindful of these important dates and milestones, it really matters to me. The fact that you remember anniversaries is going to tell me that our getting together is something that is really important to you. When you try to remember my birthday, it lets me know that I’m one of the most important people in your life. At the end of the day, that’s all I could ever want to be.
I want to be a person of significance to you. I want to be a person of importance to you. It’s not enough that you tell me that you love me all of the time. All of that love and affection that you have for me should be manifested in the way that you behave and conduct yourself. If you ingrain these important moments, dates, and milestones into who you are as a person, then that tells me so much more about your feelings than your words would. So, make it a point to really remember these dates. They matter to me.
This list will be different for every girl, but I am sure there are many things you guys can relate too. No matter what we love our men very much. You now know how we feel about certain things so look out for us the next time will you?
Talk to me
Ladies, what do you wish to add to this list? Let me know in the comments below!