So here you are. You’re free from that toxic environment but you still feel lost. You had somehow gotten used to being in such a bad relationship, you don’t quite understand what it means to be free from it. The lack of emotions have left you feeling very disoriented and you don’t know what to do about it.
Abusive relationships can wreak substantial havoc unto any person’s soul. There is just so much emotional turmoil that comes with abusive relationships; it can leave a person feeling very paralyzed on a spiritual and mental capacity. That’s why a lot of people have trouble with getting out of abusive relationships. It’s because the emotional weight of the situation paralyzes them into submission. That is why emerging from a really bad relationship with someone can feel like you’re coming up for fresh air.
But even so, it can take quite a while for a girl to heal after being in a relationship with a horribly abusive man. Yes, you’re relieved that you managed to survive such an excruciatingly difficult ordeal with a man who suffocated and isolated you. But the wounds are still fresh. You know that you have been scarred and it’s going to be a long time before you can recover and go back to being your regular self. It took every ounce of energy you had for you to be able to maintain that relationship. And it took even more energy for you to just gather the strength that you needed to get up and leave.
So here you are. You’re free from that toxic environment but you still feel lost. You had somehow gotten used to being in such a bad relationship, you don’t quite understand what it means to be free from it. The lack of emotions have left you feeling very disoriented and you don’t know what to do about it.
That goes on for quite a while until you decided that you’re ready to jump back into the ocean again. You decide that you’re ready to open yourself up to love once more. And so here you are, you’re dating a new guy and everything feels so different. It isn’t as toxic and as terrible as things used to be. In fact, everything seems quite terrible. This terrifies you. You think that it’s one of those things that are just too good to be true. But you don’t have to worry. Maybe it just means that you’ve finally found a quality guy with whom you can build a future with. You don’t have to fear it. Embrace it. Here are a few things that you can expect when you start dating a quality guy.
1. You will expect the worst, but it never comes.
You are always expecting your relationship to be like your previous one, but it never turns out to be. You expect an environment that is full of hate, abuse, and disappointment, but it never turns out that way.
2. You will want to overthink every aspect of the relationship.
You will have a tendency to overthink things because this is all unfamiliar territory to you. You don’t want to mess anything up and so you will think very carefully before acting on anything.
3. You will think that you don’t deserve to have him in your life.
In your previous relationship with that toxic man, you were always led to believe that you don’t deserve to have good things. That’s why now that this good man has entered your life, you still have your doubts.
4. You will push him away from you.
This new environment scares you because you know how hard it is to deal with the pain of heartache and disappointment. That’s why you try to push him away before he actually gets a chance to break your heart into pieces.
5. You will always brace for big arguments.
In your old relationship, not a day went by wherein you didn’t step on any relationship landmines. A simple comment from you would always lead to a big argument with your partner. Somehow, that isn’t the case in your new relationship.
6. You will apologize even when you don’t have to.
You were always compelled into apologizing in your previous relationship because your toxic ex made you believe that everything was your fault. Old habits die hard and you find yourself unnecessarily apologizing in this new relationship as well.
7. You will try to over-deliver.
You will try your best to be over the top with this new relationship. You know that what you have is something special and you really don’t want to come up short. You don’t want your partner to end up feeling like you are a mistake that he’s making.
8. You start to trust that he’s genuine.
Over time, he is going to be able to win your trust. He is going to make you believe that genuinely kind men do exist in the world and that he is living proof of it. He is going to make you forget all about your horrible past.
9. You start to discover what it really means to be in love with someone.
True love will start to reveal itself to you slowly and surely. And then, bit by bit, you will start to understand and discover just how truly beautiful love can be.
Talk to me
Have you been in this position? Talk to me in the comments below!
This is exactly what I’ve been through and felt every bit of the above. It does get better however… sometimes letting go of the past makes room for something new… hang in there and move forward when you’re ready!