Does Lack of Physical Closeness Lead to More Frustration? Here’s What Science Says
You know that feeling? The one where something just feels… off?
Maybe it’s tension. Maybe it’s distance. Maybe it’s the way you sit next to each other but don’t actually feel close.
Yeah. That.
Physical closeness—it’s more than just touch. It’s the way bodies communicate without words. The way a simple hand on the back can calm a storm you didn’t even know was brewing.
So what happens when it’s missing? Does the frustration build up? Does the connection start to fade?
Science has a few things to say about that.
1. Your Brain Needs It
Let’s talk biology for a second.
When two people share physical closeness—holding hands, hugging, just being near—your brain releases oxytocin. The bonding chemical. The one that makes you feel safe, connected, at ease.
Without it? Cortisol, the stress hormone, starts creeping in. Little things annoy you more. Conversations feel colder. The warmth you once had? Feels distant.
Not because you don’t care. But because your brain is wired to crave connection.
2. Emotional Distance Follows Physical Distance
Ever notice how couples who stop being physically close start arguing more?
There’s a reason.
Touch is reassurance. It says, I’m here. We’re okay.
Take that away, and suddenly, every misunderstanding feels bigger. Every silence feels heavier. Instead of solving problems together, you start keeping score. Who’s more distant? Who pulls away first? Who seems less interested?
And that’s where frustration builds. Not because you want to fight. But because your body is looking for a signal that everything is still okay—and not finding it.
3. Stress Goes Up, Patience Goes Down
Life is stressful. Work, responsibilities, endless to-do lists.
Normally, physical closeness acts like a pressure release. A hug after a long day. A hand on your knee when you’re overthinking. A simple brush of fingers that says, You’re not alone in this.
But take that away? And suddenly, stress has nowhere to go.
You start feeling more irritated. Less patient. More likely to snap over the small stuff—because, deep down, what you actually need is to just feel close again.
4. The Mind Starts Creating Stories
Here’s where things get tricky.
When physical closeness fades, the mind starts filling in the blanks.
Are they not as interested anymore?
Is something wrong?
Am I overthinking this?
Doubt creeps in. Overthinking takes over. And instead of just missing the connection, you start questioning the relationship itself.
Even if nothing’s actually wrong.
5. Fix It Before It Feels Too Big
Here’s the good news.
Frustration from a lack of physical closeness? It’s fixable. And it doesn’t take grand gestures.
Start small.
A hand on their back when you walk past.
A few extra seconds in a hug.
Sitting a little closer, even if no words are spoken.
Because the thing about closeness? It’s built in the little moments. The ones that say, I see you. I feel you. We’re good.
And sometimes, that’s all it takes to turn everything around.
of course it does… lack of sex cause insecurity, and causes a man to search else where for sex and affection… my ex di it to
It is important to consider the ages of the couples involved. During a woman’s menopausal years she may be in need of more physical and/or emotional support and the same goes for the male. this phase happens around 50-60 years of age. If both are taking meds that effect their libido then emotional support is more important than physical support. ln late years the need is both but in small quantities and usually no sex is necessary . Holding hands is sufficient.
Been “married” 42 years , so 4 years in , wife tells me “she loves Jesus instead of me , because He provides EVERYTHING for her” ! I told her to “let me know when you have sex with him – let me know how that went “! Even though I provided for her & 2 boys ever since & Jesus not once showed up & lifted a finger to provide her a penny or anything else , I have felt NO love , companionship or anything else positive you would expect being married – Only the feeling , with enormous amount of proof , of being on this earth to only be USED ! My like has been all work supporting her that has no appreciation of anything – thus no enjoyment , I wish I had not even been conceived !
@Stevo,
Sorry to read what you posted. I can definitely relate to being overshadowed by a third party in my relationship. It is even worse when it is Jesus. (I am an ex-Christian and know the foolishness of believers. )
Your situation sounds tough and is probably worse than you can share in a single post.
My encouragement to you, brother, is not to give up on yourself. Get help, get involved in a community, and if you must, separate yourself from that relationship with much thought and planning. Timing is everything as you don’t want to jeopardize your relationships with your children.
You matter and your needs matter. Do not give up on yourself. Find ways to get your needs met and restore to yourself your sense of value in who you are. Give yourself small wins until you can amass larger ones.
Hope this helps.