Today’s Reddit story is about a 20-year-old woman who refused to teach her 24-year-old boyfriend basic household chores before moving in together.
She lives in her apartment, and the couple was thinking of getting a bigger place together. But things took a drastic turn when her boyfriend told her he didn’t know how to do basic household chores.
The Story
Our story was posted by a woman who goes by the username napsandhugs on Reddit. She posted her question on the AITA subreddit – where people ask the community whether they’re an a**hole or not. Here’s her story:
“I’m 20F, my boyfriend is 24M. We’ve been dating for a while, and are thinking about moving in together. Right now he still lives at home, I have my own apartment. The idea would we’d find a bigger apartment together.”
“Here’s the problem, in a different conversation he dropped ‘I’d wear a nice shirt out, but I don’t know if my mom has done laundry yet.’ I was surprised, and asked him if his mom always did his laundry. That’s how this conversation started.”
“Turns out, his mom does everything. And I do mean everything. He can’t cook anything, doesn’t know how to clean anything, never had to budget his money..”
“I told him I didn’t want to move in with him until he could at least do the basic things. I’m scared of taking on the teacher/mom role in the relationship, and not being able to escape it, if that makes sense.”
“I told him that I enjoy cooking, and if he spends weekends here I’d have no problem teaching him then. But that he needs to learn the basics of cleaning somewhere else. And that maybe we should wait a bit before getting an apartment together.”
“He doesn’t like that, at all. He’s annoyed that I don’t trust him to learn these things, and that I don’t want to teach him, so I must not care about him that much.”
“I genuinely like him, but I’m pretty busy. I’d rather spend our time together hanging out, than showing him how to vacuum or do laundry. Plus I just don’t enjoy taking on that role.”
“AITA for not wanting to teach him, and wanting to wait to move in until I know he can (and will) do some things?”
“TLDR: Boyfriend doesn’t know how to do any chores, wants to move in together so I can show/teach him, I don’t.”
After receiving a lot of replies and comments, she updated her post with a few edits.
“Edit: I suggested he ask his mom, he doesn’t want to. He wants to move in together ‘and then we’ll figure it out’.. that scares me.
“Edit 2: I think I might be an a**hole just based on his reaction, and not wanting to help someone seems a**holeish.
“Edit 3: Going to sleep. Won’t be replying to comments for a while, but thank you everyone who responded already. It’s been helpful.”
The Responses
Her post received over 2.5k comments where everyone was supportive and commended her for standing her ground. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.”
Reddit user LakesideCitrus said:
“NTA. Girl, I love your spine.”
allthecactifindahome said:
“NTA. Laundry is not exactly brain surgery; if he can’t read the instructions on the machine, he could always google it. Vacuums aren’t complex either. These are not things an adult needs coaching with, I kind of suspect he wants you to get frustrated and decide it’d be easier to do the cleaning yourself.”
sufficientmilk also commented:
“NTA stand your ground. First you’ll be his teacher, then you’ll be his mom because “you’re just better at laundry/vacuuming/dishes” or “I would’ve done it if you told me”.
“His mom can stop babying him and show him how to do things. He needs to step up. And don’t take on the mental load of sending him Youtube videos; he can search just as well as you can.”
You can read all of the comments on Reddit here.
Our Take
We think she totally did the right thing here. Household chores are something everyone should know how to do. A happy home consists of people who do their part by being responsible and committed – without acting like it’s something they’ll just learn later. NTA.
Source: Reddit – AITA for refusing to teach my boyfriend to do basic household chores?
What’s Your Take?
What are your thoughts on this story? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
NTA…take it from someone who is dealing with the exact same problem, only I let him move in…it’s been 4 years and he still can’t do his own laundry and I have to rewash any dishes that he did attempt to clean. It’s been 4 years of hell…stand your ground girl; if he can’t man up and get his shit together then your better off without him. There will be another man that will come into your life that will already know how to be an adult.
It sounds like he doesn’t want to learn from his mom because he probably figures once he’s in you will just pick up the pieces for him around the house and he still won’t learn anything. Agreed! Don’t get stuck and stand your ground! Little stuff like this are causes for more serious problems in the long run, especially finances!
Me and my fiance both do the household chores together,at first he didn’t know how to cook,but soon learnt after I showed him and helped him. Not everyone has the help from the mothers.No NTA,she could ask his mum if he doesn’t want to do it himself. Some men find it hard to ask for help from anyone.
I would say “good riddance” to this man. I don’t have every domestic skill either. However, I enjoy cooking and baking. I wash the dishes and I mop and sweep. I clean the toilet before it becomes a dilemma. I clean the bathtub after I take a shower. I clean the bathroom sink when I notice buildup. I give away books ( read and unread) when I realize my new books need more space. Adulthood requires checks and balances. The young man in this young lady’s dilemma is already a burden, otherwise she wouldn’t be asking.
Ladies and gentlemen, every adult needs to have at least three domestic skills. That way, you’re considered useful and perhaps even invaluable. Develop skills to take care of other people so that you can enable yourself to be taken care of!!! To be lovingly taken care of feels magnificent. It’s a blessing to have other people look out for you.
Please read and take this advice.
Much love to all!!!