My friends warned me about you going in, but my pride wouldn’t budge. I always thought I was special, and that I could be the one to break your spell. That was my mistake early on. But to my credit, I knew that I wasn’t entitled to anything, and that I had to work to earn your love.
My friends warned me about you going in, but my pride wouldn’t budge. I always thought I was special, and that I could be the one to break your spell. That was my mistake early on. But to my credit, I knew that I wasn’t entitled to anything, and that I had to work to earn your love. I knew that you were always withdrawn; whether because you were shy or afraid, I just don’t know. In fact, I still don’t know now that we’re not together. Our story was a peculiar one.
A lot of people think that this was a phase that I never should have even entertained. But I think different. If given the chance to go back in time and stop my younger self from ever falling in love with you, I wouldn’t take that chance. You were a necessary evil; a necessary pain in my life. I needed to learn from you and grow with you. Being with you helped me discover more of what I want out of life; more of what I’m able to give back to life. Most importantly, being with you helped me realize that I’m not always going to get everything that I want, and I should always be ready for disappointment. It was your love (or lack thereof) that taught me to just give and give without any expectations. Expectations lead to heartache and pain, but the giving of love without condition is as divine an act as any.
I should have seen it from the start. You were always very cold and distant with everyone that you were around. You wore me down instantly when you would surprise me with your rare moments of vulnerability. You allowed me quick glimpses into the doors of your soul and somehow these instances made me believe that I was special. I poured my heart and soul out to you as well trying to reciprocate the vulnerability but somehow the reception wasn’t what I expected.
I shrugged it off; thinking that this was just the manner of your ways and I could live with it. However, over time, you left me in want; in pure dissatisfaction. I somehow had gotten the idea into my head that I would be the one who could wear your walls down over time. I thought that it was only I who held the key to your heart. I kept my head in the clouds without realizing that my feet were no longer on the ground. I sincerely thought that I was as wonderful a specimen to you as you were to me. – Continue reading on the next page
Little did I know that you though very little of me, and that’s my own fault as well. The signs were there but my passions and biases blinded me from the truth. You never loved me in the way that I imagined; in the way that I idealized. It takes a special kind of girl to bring you down, and I’m just not that special.
I think the most devastating aspect of this experience is how long it actually took me to get fed up and realize that this would end up being a fight without a victor. You kept me on the leash long enough to actually wreak havoc on my heart. It was a long stretch of hope and disappointment; like the clich rollercoaster ride. It was the rolling hills of emotions that I had to traverse through whenever I was with you.
You kept me in a perpetual state of sadness and disappointment, but you fed me some scraps often enough to ignite the fire of hope within me. I should have realized back then that I wasn’t a puppy to be kept on a leash. You weren’t supposed to be my master, but I let myself become a slave to my feelings for you. This was supposed to be a partnership but I ended up on the losing end of this two-way street.
Whatever the case, I stand by what I said. This was a necessary relationship and I thank you for it. You taught me what it means to love someone. To REALLY love someone. Love doesn’t necessarily mean you have to settle for what’s there. Love doesn’t mean you have to keep yourself in an unending state of gloom in order to bring joy to your partner. Love doesn’t mean that you get to set expectations for each other.
Love should always come easily and you taught me that with how difficult you were. Love should always come naturally and you taught me that with your awkwardness and cold nature. Love should always be pure and you taught me that with the toxicity you brought into our relationship. You’ve taught me how to love. And more importantly, you’ve taught me about the right kind of love that I should be looking for.
