Man Asks If He Was Wrong for Not Giving His Bus Seat to a Pregnant Woman

You know we support mothers without question; the hardworking ladies of the world who take care of their babies and raise them to become positive members of society deserve all of the love and kindness one can offer. Such is not the case about today’s Reddit story – it’s about a man who didn’t give his seat to a pregnant woman on a bus.

The Story

A suspended Reddit user posted his story on Reddit’s AITA (Am I the A**hole?) subreddit to ask whether he was wrong for not giving his bus seat to a pregnant woman. Here is his story:

“This happened just last night, and my family completely lost their minds at me about it. So here I am.”

“I take the bus to and from work (car got totaled about a month ago, still waiting on insurance to reimburse me so I can get a new one), and right now on public transit you have to social distance. This means limited seating.”

“At my job, I’m literally on my feet all day, and I work 10 hour shifts. It sucks but the pay is good, so I can deal, but after a long day, my feet are sore AF. I genuinely cherish the time I spend sitting on the bus ride home, knowing I have to walk another 15-20 minutes to my house from the bus stop. Which means more time on my feet.”

“So last night I’m on the bus, and a very heavily pregnant lady gets on. She looks around for a seat, only to find there are no available ones left. I’m the closest to her, so she starts giving me the imploring eyes. I had my headphones on and tried to pretend I couldn’t see her, but once she started talking to me it became inevitable.”

“I wasn’t rude or anything, I just told her no, I’ve had a long day and my feet are sore. I don’t want to give up my seat. She started crying about how she’s a pregnant single mom, and I told her I’m sorry, but that was her personal choice and she can’t expect other people to accommodate her life choices. We live in a state where birth control and abortions are free, so I don’t know why this should be my problem. It’s not my fault she decided to have a baby when she can’t afford a car.”

“After going back and forth for a bit, an old man finally shouted that I’m a “worthless punk” and offered his seat to the lady. He started ranting and raving about the “damn millennials” and I just looked the other way and pretended I didn’t hear it. As they were trading seats, the bus driver had to slam the brakes for whatever reason, and the pregnant lady and the old man both fell. They started yelling at me, calling me all sorts of nasty names, but I just looked the other way and ignored it.”

“When I got home and told my sister, she flipped the f**k out and went crying to our parents, who also chewed my a** out. But I was tired and had a long day, and I don’t know why we need to keep perpetuating the idea that breeding somehow means your entitled to people’s seats. I’m tired, too, we’re all tired in this pandemic. AITA, though?”

The Responses

We all know where this is going. The entire Reddit community instantly responded against his actions and told him off. For context, YTA means “You’re the A**hole.” Here are some of the best comments:

banjo_fandango said:

“Yeah – YTA”

“Did you know that being heavily pregnant really alters your balance, let alone the tired thing?”

“No – you didn’t ask her to be pregnant, but you can, as an able-bodied otherwise healthy person just choose to be nice…”

“I bet you’re a real ‘nice guy’.”

riyuzqki commented:

“YTA, you didn’t show common courtesy by giving up your seat to someone who needs it much more. As in, if you fall during transit you might get a bruise, if she fell during transit, she might lose her child. Not to mention that no matter now tired you are she’s more likely to have an accident while standing during transit than you.”

tmss16 taught him some manners:

“YTA. No one normal uses the word ‘breeding’ to describe someone who is pregnant. Please tell me you’re a troll.”

There are 1.4k comments on this post; you can read them on Reddit here.

Our Take

YTA. We understand that this guy had a tough time at work, and his feet hurt, but when the pregnant woman asked for kindness, he could’ve done better than how he responded to the situation.

What’s Your Take?

What’s your take on this man’s story? Share your take in the comments below!

Source: RedditAITA for not giving up my seat to a pregnant woman?

  1. NTA.
    Honestly, if I was on my feet all day, knowing full well I have to walk again for another 15-20 minutes after getting off the bus I wouldn’t wanna give up my seat either, even as another woman.

    1. It’s not a problem if you FEEL like keeping the seat… it’s only a problem if you DO!

      You’re not elderly, disabled or pregnant, and the fact is that those people are entitled to a seat. Most public transport vehicles even have SIGNS everywhere telling young and able bodied people to give up their seats to the elderly, pregnant or disabled people.

      This guy is a massive AH, and you would be as well if you made the same choice in the same situation.

    1. It seems to me that if she were a decent person that she wouldn’t have yelled at him. Just because you’re pregnant, doesn’t mean you get your way. I was pregnant twice and didn’t expect someone to give up
      their seat.

  2. Please don’t make me work overtime because I have small children. Allow me to miss all the work days I want because I am pregnant. I think his reasoning was rational. Maybe, his response was not ideal. Wrong no. Why didn’t several people offer her a seat. We are being cruel to this guy. I think you have valid points sir. I did not say I agree or disagree with him. Smh we are soooooooo judgemental

  3. All work. If some one tell he can’t give the seat for the pregnant lady . I accept he need to be scolded. But for that u would not cry my expectating single mom n making scene . In that bus , was he only person there where lot of people. Y they dnt give there seat n made this big issue . I think , I won’t scold the young boy but whole people in the bus. Who dnt have mercy to give seat. N also the pregnant lady. If one person dnt give u seat , then ask next person. Y can’t u do that . Becoz , some mother’s have experienced this. Even I have experienced same.

  4. I was pregnant & worked as a nurse on my feet all day. I never asked anyone to give up their seat. I never asked for special privileges. My husband followed my lead & never “babied” me. I side with the gentleman.

    1. ‘And why did she have to cry. U guys should understand the guy’

      ‘The guy’ isn’t the person that has to spend nine months effectively 3D-printing an entire human being.

      Let her sit down. It’s not the end of the world that he had to give up his seat.

  5. He is a class A jerk..thinking just of hisself. I worked a double shift many time ,a couple a week but I still offer my seat to a older person, a crippled person,person, veteran,and would certainly give it up to a very pregnant lady..his remarks show he is selfish and has no manners…No its not his problem she is Pregnant ,but she was in need..she sure isn’t a breeder..most of all he needs to be a real man for once ,not a whiney little boy..shame on him..

    1. He doesn’t owe her anything. He was in that seat first. He works hard everyday and deserves to sit. If someone wants to give up their seat out of kindness, then let them, but expecting someone to give up their seat then berating them (treating them like dirt) if they don’t is selfish, rude, and entitled. Expecting a stranger to cater to your needs is toxic. Be a real man? Shows how much you care about a man’s feelings. You need to grow up.

  6. One could use the very same concept he used, but on him. He chose to work long hours on his feet because of the job he chose to work at. It’s not her fault his feet hurt. It literally goes both ways.

  7. Maybe, she should not have singled him out. Instead ask loudly enough for everyone to hear, if any passenger would be kind enough to allow her their seat. Just maybe there was a passenger that was taught respect and volunteer their seat. If not she should just stand and no start a big deal over the seat. And if the bus driver slammed on his brakes on purpose he should have been reported for his unkind behavior.

  8. He is not the only person in the bus, why the pregnant lady didn’t ask someone aside from this guy??? Why the others doesn’t give their seats???

  9. I am 85 years old and have a metal bar in my back and can’t stand without support for more than 3 minutes. but i would have offered her my seat and hung on to the rail to support my weight. Too bad he was shch an a$$hole, witch he really was.

  10. I served, I get it, nothing feels better than sitting down after a long shift. To basically judge her for being a single mom is what did it for me. What if her husband died fighting overseas for your freedoms? Would it of changed your opinion of her? If so, YTA.

  11. YTA. I had the same scenario back when I was pregnant who had a tough day too at work when I had to do manage and conduct a patient from our clinic to a hospital via an ambulance. I had to do it even with my huge, heavy nearing term bulge and an edematous feet because someone is in need. On the bus there are younger men seating on the designated seats for SC, PWDs and pregnant women. No one bothered to “offer” the seat. I did not ask because they seem not to want to give it up. I stood there with my sore feet too. Thank God that the driver noticed maybe saw in the mirror, pulled a stop and said if no one will give up a seat we wont be moving. There you go someone stood up and gave me a seat. So dude, if you have sore feet you never know maybe that woman have too!

  12. Common courtesy. That’s what it comes down too. You can be tired, your feet can be sore, you may not be responsible for her being a single expectant mom, you couldn’t care less that she can’t afford a car, you can have the reasons why you don’t have to offer your seat to her. And sadly, you have common courtesy or decency towards another human being. And that’s sadly lacking in our society today.

  13. Who was the A sat next to or across from the A who didn’t have the decency to understand that BOTH of them really needed something?

    Everyone, except the old guy were really selfish.

    Ps being heavily pregnant can be really painful too. Please be kind.

  14. Well I think I agree with the guy. Yes the woman was pregnant all right but she didn’t have to be over dramatic about it. I mean the guy was tired too standing all day and the only thing he had to look up to was his ride after which he had to walk again. The woman could have asked another person in the bus. And why did she have to cry. U guys should understand the guy

  15. I wonder what has happened to this world.
    What if that was his pregnant lady carrying his child I wonder how he would feel if some wimpy asshole like himself refused to give up his seat and she fell and lost their baby. Grow up jerk and show some respect to elders, handicapped, and .pregnant people.

  16. I would never ask for someone’s seat when I was pregnant but kind people often offered. The unkind people that did not were often young, white businessmen

  17. Other people not just you could have offered the pregnant woman a seat if they felt so bad for her! And as a pregnant woman, I would not try to guilt trip someone into giving up their seat just for me! To me that is bullying someone into taking their seat even if it is not in a aggressive way!! That’s true she should have transportation or take a cab if you do not want to stand on the bus if all the seats are taken! Honestly I would rather walk before taking a bus because the seats are limited! No you are not in the wrong and you should have told everyone in that bus if they feel so bad then they should have offere her a seat! They are in the wrong as much as they are making you feel that way!

    1. I agree, was there no other men on the bus? why was it so important for her to have this seat and not ask someone else. I wonder if she cries every time she doesnt get her way.

  18. Other people not just you could have offered the pregnant woman a seat if they felt so bad for her! And as a pregnant woman, I would not try to guilt trip someone into giving up their seat just for me! To me that is bullying someone into taking their seat even if it is not in a aggressive way!! That’s true she should have transportation or take a cab if you do not want to stand on the bus if all the seats are taken! Honestly I would rather walk before taking a bus because the seats are limited! No you are not in the wrong and you should have told everyone in that bus if they feel so bad then they should have offere her a seat! They are in the wrong as much as they are making you feel that way!

  19. He wasn’t wrong. He was prioritizing his own self care and personal health. Her feelings, being a woman and being pregnant doesn’t trump over or invalidate the fact that men get tired too. His legs and feet could have been swollen. He could have fallen and had a terrible spill if he were standing up as well. He could have been on the verge of passing out, and knew that he needed to take the pressure off of his body and gather his strength for his journey home. Him saying no and that he’s sorry, doesn’t mean that he is a terrible person. It doesn’t mean that he is lacking decency or respect for anyone. No one is entitled to a seat on the bus. She knew the bus was crowded before she boarded or as she was paying, she didn’t have to get on. Could she not wait for another bus with seats available? She should have been in touch with reality and the possibility that she may be left standing. She got on there with a self entitled attitude thinking she was owed a seat. She targeted only him. She was going to take the seat of an elderly man too? Pregnancy isn’t a disability. The moment she found out that she was pregnant and decided to keep the child she should have made solid plans regarding things such as catching the bus while heavily pregnant. She should have applied for assistance, programs, remote jobs, other streams to supplement her income. She didn’t plan even her day ahead. She needs to practice and prioritize self care for she and her baby as well. If she is heavily pregnant she knew that standing on a crowded bus could have resulted in a fall harming herself and the baby but she proceeded to do so anyways. Better yet, if shes heavily pregnant and knew that it was difficult to come out and participate in usual activities, why did she leave her house? Why wasn’t she on bed rest? It isn’t his fault that she nor the guy fell. Also if shes working in a building full of people, she probably accepted and came to terms with the fact nobody was offering or giving her a ride home,
    calling her an uber or cab , probably didn’t ask anyone. She just accepted it. Just like she should have accepted that she would possibly stand. Also there were other people on the bus, also why didn’t the driver pull over and radio another bus or transit police, she caused a scene which caused a scene? Men who are loaded down with packages or bags, infant in arms or body carrier don’t get preferential treatment or given a seat by other women.
    Why is it expected for men to automatically give up their seats to any woman, abled bodied or not? Why don’t able bodied women give up their seat for a man?? If another heavily pregnant woman came on the bus after the first woman got a seat, would the first lady advocate or give up her seat for the second lady?? No, she probably would keep quiet and pretend not to notice.

  20. Many years ago I was pregnant and on a bus. I had to stand, the bus didn’t move and people were getting angry and yelling at the driver. Why aren’t we going. Finally the driver said until someone gets upandgives this expectant mother a seat we are not going anywhere even if we have to sit here all day.

    I was embarrassed but grateful. I am now a Great Grandmother and have never forgotten that Kind bus driver in Vancouver, BC Canada

  21. Maybe a better communication could have possibly prevented such misunderstandings. I can understand not being prepared with the best answer. We never are 100% of the time. Could this have prevented this calamity: “I am so sorry. After 10 hours standing at work, my feet are killing me and once I get off this bus, I walk still over a mile to get home . I hope you understand and kindly request you please ask someone else for their seat.”

  22. Doesn’t say much for your upbringing what a poor job those that raised you did. You have no respect for women or the unborn. Your feet hurt oh how sad for you I worked 10 or more hours a day most of my life and I still don’t consider my own pain if someone has a need. So much can be said but it looks like the damage to you has already been done with your lack of concern for humanity someone will return your selfish deed to you.

  23. I am a woman and would have gladly given her my seat, but I do understand the guy. I was on working on my feet even more hours and there were no seats, so I sat on the bus floor. No choice, my feet were killing me and I too, also had to walk a distance after getting off!

  24. In Europe we have special places for pregnant and old people, so it’s mandatory to give the sit of they get inside the bus and you sit on that specific places. Not sure how that works in the states. If it’s first comer gets the sit, c’est la vie. I sometimes do give my sit to people in the bus even if it’s not the specially dedicated for them one, but not to the entitled ones. So in this specific situation I might have done the same.
    Also this might be a gamechanger but the bus does have more than one sit, so if I say it’s not my good day, I ain’t giving the sit, there is still plenty of people that can do so, that might be having a shorter trip or a shorter work day, or whatever.
    We all have our own good and bad days. So if it’s a “no”, move on.
    On my book she was ruder than him.

  25. To the assxxle & every moron on the bus, except the older gentleman who gave up his seat, & to everyone who replied negatively about the pregnant mum, you are all undeserving of having been incubated to birth in your own mum’s womb. wow.just.WOW!

  26. the umbrella of entitlement a lot of you live under is just mind blowing, people are done with this oppression and manipulation, shaming no longer works, get a new game. no one has the right to demand something from anyone, a seat or anything else. what was once called common courtesy is going away because we are all equals, we all get treated the same. dont like it? blame the ones enforcing the ideas of this entitlement.

  27. NTA. Honestly you put in a long day at work and you had the seat first. I have been heavily pregnant before and chose different traveling arrangements where I was comfortable. It was her choice to be on a public transit so she needs to think next time how she can get to where she needs to go. Some disabilities cannot be seen so no one has the right to demand another to give them anything. It is first come first serve…. it is up to the person if they want to give their seat up, but no one owes anyone anything.

  28. The man has no manners. I don’t give a crap how tired he is or sore his feet are. And breeding? I would be soooo ashamed if he were my son. He. Is. Wrong.

  29. YTA! This Man. Is not a nice person as much as he wants to tell his story to the media. Sorry But you were definitely out of order, and at the end of the day you should of offered the seat. Another would of come available for you. The pregnant women is Accomodating her unborn child as well as herself. So because you are not a women and you would never know deeply how a pregnant women feels. But you complain about your feet. Then learn to soak them when you come in from work. You should know this if your a worker and your on your feet most of the day. It shows you obviously basic care of your body, You don’t do. That’s not the pregnant woman’s fault now is it, it is yours. And not continuing the ways taught by your mother when You hab been living at home. It is a lesson taught to us all for our future. Which here in your situation you didn’t take into your future well. Don’t judge this women as you As You put it. DID NOT BREED HER UP!! I Thought it was called Impregnated. 🤔 Shows you don’t know much on your Volcabulary. Of chosen words.

  30. I understand what he meant all its his choice and her choice and also we paid the bus so why give up? And the fact is don’t expect all people will let you sit even you are pregnant

  31. Men will never know what is like to have a baby or the Idiot might have given his Sean up, his poor little Tooties, Bless 😡

  32. Yes you’re the a**hole. I imagine you’re younger and sure you feet may have hurt but being pregnant is so much harder. Besides so you know why she’s a single mother? Maybe her husband died or he left and is just as selfish as you are. People can be so selfish and self absorbed. You sound like a huge baby.

  33. 1st of all— sounds like you need better shoes, & you do know that when you buy new shoes, you buy the next 1/2 size larger & get some cross trainer inserts for them. And yes, you were very rude not giving her your seat!! I am glad your family let you know how rude you were! They obviously know the difference between right & wrong!

  34. Why come to this fellow specifically.if it was a normal bus she could have asked around. i agree with this man his circumstancies were a need.but the age of chivary is still there but his needs were greater

  35. For me I blame the bus company they should have a section for disable and expecting mothers. This is coming from a disabled person who has Lupus and Fybromyalgia and suffers from chronic migraines , and has had the hardest bone in my body shattered . The man was not being rude he was healing from an accident and on top of that he had just had put in a long shift.

  36. He’s right. If he doesn’t want to give up his seat he doesn’t have to. There is a social cost to this though. He should bare it. I don’t think it’s right to expect someone (stranger) to sacrifice for your comfort. In this example someone else was happy to give up his seat.

  37. I agree with many people’s comments that YTA but I feel they are approaching it from a less than constructive angle. If by chance the bus got into an accident and you knowingly refused to give your seat to the pregnant lady so she was standing when the accident happened and lost her unborn child as a result of the accident, how would you feel? would you feel responsible for denying her a safer mode of transport earlier? maybe it wouldn’t have been that much safer but it also might have been. These questions will haunt you after an event like that. Personally I’d be so guilt stricken if it were me that didn’t give my seat. I also think that it’s highly likely that your seat was the closest seat to the front of the bus which is typically where the reserved seating is for expectant mothers, mothers with small children/strollers, seniors and those with disabilities. There is a reason these reserved seating spots exist.

  38. I do not think he is an a**hole at all, nor does my girlfriend and we have both had children. We understand what heavily pregnant means we also understand the difficulties of maybe losing your balance and how tired you are, however we didn’t ever expect anyone to give up their seat or anyone else to us when we were heavily pregnant or otherwise. That lady got on the bus looking for someone to feel sorry for her with the expectation for someone to give up their seat. None of you all bashing this guy know what he had been through or what his job is or what he had to deal with when he got home. No one is applauding him for working 10 hours a day while having no car. He could be sitting on his ass playing video games. Maybe this man is a nurse or a doctor and he had been on his feet all day saving someone’s life. And then for her to cause a scene and whine to him to guilt him into giving up his seat… where is her self respect? I’m disgusted by her lack of it. So maybe everyone bashing him should stop and think about his situation. Note that she said single mom. I took that to mean she has already had one child and now she’s pregnant again. And maybe I’m wrong. But she just really painted the image in my mind as the type of woman who pops a baby out every few years for the monetary and assistance benefits that she will gain from the child.

  39. Wow just wow. This guy needs to learn manners. I would give my seat to a pregnant women or an elderly person. I dont care how long i was on my feet. It is called manners this guy has a lot to learn. Lucky i am not his mother, no son of mine would get away with that ignorance.

  40. Does he have any idea how tired a heavily pregnant lady gets and how sore her feet would be not to mention a baby lying on the blabber -! how would he feel if one day he had a wife who was carrying his baby who had the same experience on a bus – no matter how tired you are and you choose a job where your on your feet all day you still should off given up your seat – most of the time you drive and you quite lucky to have a car so it`s not you have to use public transport every day !

    1. I was pregnant three times and when I reached the stage she seemed to be in I was very careful not to get into a situation that might cause me problems.What about all the other men on the bus, were they rude also by not giving up their seat all the while criticizing him.

  41. I don’t see him as wrong. Woman want equality but are no where equal. This man just got off work. Hes tired. I am a woman that works in the construction industry. I am in my feet 10/12 hrs a day. I know the feeling of tired feet. I also been pregnant. I go with the tired feet tbh

  42. He doesn’t owe her anything. Expecting someone, a stranger, to cater to your needs is rude, selfish, and makes you look entitled. Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you deserve a seat. If someone wants to give up their seat, then treat, but berating and insulting a man for not giving up his seat is toxic. He had a rough day and is tired. Telling a man to “man up” is toxic and invalidating of his feelings. Just because you’re pregnant does not entitle you to his seat he was in already not does it give you the right to attack him. As I said before, stop expecting people to cater to you. Let people show their kindness. If they don’t give up their seat, that’s perfectly fine. There are some people in her insulting this man that need to grow up.

  43. Surely he was not the only person on the bus? Why did she try to manipulate him? Why not ask someone else? Perhaps another female would be more sympathetic!

  44. I really won’t bash the guy for the reasons of not giving up his seat. I’ve been pregnant before and I understand very well how that woman felt. The thing is, everyone is different and we can’t expect people to feel sorry for us at all times cause we don’t know what they’re going through. Public transport should be considerate to those in need of seats by creating special seats for special needs. I feel it’s unfair for anyone to give up their seat when everyone in the bus pays a fair. No one wants to be on their feet in the bus but thats just how it is. We need to stop making people feel bad for their decisions and opinions because we feel differently about it. We need to be kind to one another but no one owes you kindness.

  45. Ive dealth with this BS before when I used to work a secuirty contractor for microsoft. I have been there over 3 yeras and a new hire gets the weekends off because she has family.

  46. He was with in his rights, he was there before she even got on the bus, why did she single him out. Anytime you get on a bus or train you know you run the risk of there being no seat. Give the guy a break!

  47. Did she offer to refund his fare .. ppl think they have god given rights ,, if she was sitting and an eldery person asked her for her seat what would she do

  48. Just because you don’t have to do something, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. You explain to the lady what you went through, but she never told you what she was going thought. I can guess because she’s a single mom she still works, most likely on her feet holding an extra few pounds, basically doing the same thing this young man does but in o worst condition. Yeah he is a joke.

  49. NTA no one asked her to get pregnant that’s her own problem. She could have asked someone else it’s not a big deal. Should have saved up for a car before thinking about having a child. The world won’t cater to you.

  50. Yes. It basically comes down to respect. A lot of people have had to be on their feet for long periods of time or another. I think he needs to remember he was also carried by a woman. Would he like it if his mother was treated like that maybe his mom did think about aborting him. Since, that was an excuse he used. Yes, dude you are rude and a disgrace.

  51. YTA I don’t care what type of damn day you had if your on the bus you get up and move to the back for the disabled the elderly and the sick/injured(pregnant) I have a broken foot that will literally never heal. I also have a curved spine, torn tendons and legiments in my right neck and shoulder that will also never heal and a 7.5in cyst in my right themor. And I have never stayed seated on a bus when seats where full, and made any of the above mentioned people to stand. You are rude and ignorant and need to be taught respect and discipline. And I agree with the old man that chewed you out for being a millennial. It’s like your parents forgot the lessons your grandparents taught them to teach you. There’s so much disrespect in you millennials it’s disgusting, you should be absolutely disgusted in your behavior as a human being. a pack of wolves would have showed her more respect then you did.

  52. Just love how he assumes the woman’s situation. Maybe her husband died while she was pregnant? Also, no one asked this asshole to work a job on his feet all day to the point where he couldn’t stand on his feet & be courteous. Work and being an asshole is also a personal choice.

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