Moms Tells Adult Daughter & Her Boyfriend to Sleep in Different Beds, Receives Backlash on Reddit

Today’s Reddit story is about parents and their house-rules. While most parents have normal rules for their grown children, today’s story about a mom who told her adult daughter and her boyfriend to sleep in separate beds when they came over to stay.

The Stay

A woman with the username upsetmother12 posted her situation on Reddit’s AITA (Am I the A**hole?) subreddit – asking the community whether she did the right thing or not. Here’s her story:

“My daughter and her boyfriend celebrated Easter with us (me, my husband, and our son/her brother). I asked her boyfriend to stay in our guest room, as they aren’t married yet and my husband and I believe it’s inappropriate to share a bed before marriage. Neither her or her boyfriend said anything at the time, but later it came up that they don’t visit more often because we won’t “allow” them to sleep together.

“I think this is ridiculous. After all, it’s our house and our rules. My daughter agreed, but then said she’d still prefer to sleep with her boyfriend and thinks our rule is what’s actually ridiculous. She then tried to tell us that they still respect our rule. I pointed out that she was clearly lying about that, since she was withholding her very presence from her own family. I said she was punishing us for having a very reasonable rule, and that she obviously doesn’t truly respect “our house, our rules”. She changed the subject then. At the end of their trip I asked when the next we’ll see them again, and was told “maybe the 4th of July, unless [they] make plans with [boyfriend’s] family first”. When I pointed out she was still trying to punish us (who waits three months in between visits to their parents?), she just left.

“My husband feels that I’m right and our daughter is being unspeakably rude, but my son thinks we’re in the wrong and it’s “not a big deal”.”

Upon receiving a lot of negative comments, she tried to explain the situation further by updating her post:

“EDIT

“She’s 25 and he’s 26. They’ve been together for three years and living together for two. I didn’t include this because the rule isn’t based on their ages or if they’re cohabiting, so I didn’t think it was important. They will be allowed to share a bed under our roof once they’re married and not a second sooner.

“Some people seem to think we’re upset that she’s choosing to stay in a hotel room instead of with us. This is not the case. She’s choosing to avoid seeing us at all, instead of spending time with her family.

“EDIT 2

“A lot of people are under the impression that my daughter and her boyfriend visit every three months – this isn’t the case at all. They usually only visit 2 or 3 times a year. I could understand before, with the pandemic, and before that they were in college, but we expected more frequent visits now that they’re not as busy. Her brother manages to see us once a month, so we know it’s not too unreasonable of an ask. But she certainly doesn’t visit every three months. If she chooses not to come in July, we won’t get to see her until October at the earliest.”

The Responses

The entire Reddit community unanimously went against the woman for the kind of rules she placed on her adult daughter. For context, YTA means “You’re the A**hole.” Here are some of the top comments:

Reddit user LeeLooPeePoo said:

“YTA, you’re not just asking them to follow your rules, you seem to feel entitled to control her feelings about your rules. “My rules have affected her comfort at my home and she stays here less as a result. How can I force my adult child to visit?”

“If you don’t like the outcome you can change your rule if you like, you cannot force her to do anything. She’s not disrespecting you, she is respecting her own wishes. Congratulations on raising a woman with boundaries who isn’t a doormat (I really mean that you should be proud).

“Your house your rules… agreed Her body her rules.”

sheramom4 said:

“YTA.

“They respect your rule. They just choose not to visit often because of the rule and don’t agree with it. You are choosing your rule over them visiting.”

havartna commented:

“YTA, but for a specific reason. You can set whatever rules you want, but if they decide not to come because of those rules THEY ARE STILL RESPECTING THE RULES, and you are TA if you get mad about that.

“My house, my rules!” “OK, then, we won’t come to your house because we don’t like those rules.”

“sides are in the right on that exchange.”

There are over 4.5k comments on this post, you can read them all on Reddit here.

Our Take

We think parents need to respect their adult children and trust them for being responsible. Traits like the one in this story can make your children grow distant from you, growth is a part of life and we all need our own space to grow.

What’s Your Take?

What’s your take on this mother’s story? Talk to us in the comments below!

Source: RedditAITA for not allowing my daughter to sleep in the same bed as her boyfriend?

5 comments
  1. I am with the parents on this issue. What kind of parent would allow her unmarried daughter to sleep with a man in her own house? How degrading to the the parents and daughter!!! This young woman will be a thrill for a few years and then likely get kicked to the curb. If this young man is of good character, and really loves this young lady, he should marry her. !!!!

    1. Exactly. What if the daughter decides to never marry,, to which she is entitled. The mother is making the exclusionary choice. She can sit about feeling superior all she wants but she’s cutting off her nose

  2. Times have changes. It’s not longer taboo for an unmarried couple to be living/sleeping separately. Even her brother understands it’s not a big deal to just let them share a room. And I agree.
    Honestly, either decide to change your outlook or be okay with seeing your daughter less.
    It’s not affordable to have a marriage anymore or have to get a hotel room every month, 3 months or whenever.
    Your house, your rules. Sure. But your daughter is not required to see you, or have to sleep away from the one she loves. She’s respecting your choices, respect hers.

  3. You are very right your house your rules. By the way why would you allow a man get intimate with you in your parents house when he is not your husband. It’s very disrespectful toward your parents . If they want to share a bed then let them marry as simple as that. In the African culture it can’t even happen no parent will allow such a thing in their home.

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