A bride-to-be, who is heartbroken, shared on Reddit’s Off My Chest forum her dilemma about her fiancé’s request for her to wear red on their wedding day, due to her not being a virgin anymore. The 27-year-old woman, who resides in the US, revealed that she met her future husband at the age of 21 and that they got engaged 10 months ago.
The woman explained that she didn’t feel comfortable wearing a traditional white wedding dress because she was not a virgin. She believed that wearing white implied that she was pure and innocent, which was not the case. The woman felt it was dishonest to wear white and wanted to choose a dress more reflective of her true self.
The woman, who went by the pseudonym Ryan, explained that her partner had left most of the wedding planning to her and only provided occasional input. However, in November, he unexpectedly expressed his disapproval of her wearing a white dress on the big day, citing concerns about deception.
She wrote: ‘This was totally weird to me. Ryan is a very artistic guy, so I figured this was more about how the photos would turn out or something along those lines, but I’m set on wearing white.
‘I told him this and I could see that he was annoyed but he let it go.’
Two weeks later, the woman picked up her white wedding dress – which resulted in a huge argument.
Describing how he was ‘very annoyed’, she continued: ‘He asked to see the dress I picked, but I said no because I wanted it to be a surprise for our wedding day.
‘He asked me to at least tell him what color it was, and when I said white, he threw a fit.’
Unable to see what the problem was, she added: ‘I honestly do not see why this was a big deal, almost everyone wears white on their wedding day.’
After quizzing him further, the woman’s partner told her that he believed she should wear red to the wedding.
‘He told me that brides only wear white when they are pure,’ she added.
The woman explained that in the past, their situation had posed a challenge as she had a long-term boyfriend during her school years, while Ryan was still a virgin at the time they started their relationship.
Although they were able to move past it, the bride-to-be wrote: ‘The first year of our relationship and we almost did not continue dating because of how insecure he felt.’
After their disagreement, the man sought his mother’s opinion and was taken aback when she sided with his partner in the argument.
She explained: ‘Two nights ago, Ryan, his mom and I stood in our living room and argued about my sex life being shown in a dress.
‘His mom stated that he is no longer a virgin either so maybe he should wear red too and he burst out crying.
‘Ryan is still stating that me wearing white would be deceiving all of the guests and that it is different for guys.’
As a result, the woman is now questioning whether she wants to go through the wedding – saying the conversation had left her feeling ‘disgusted’.
She ended the post by writing: ‘He’s not even religious so I know this is just about him still thinking about me losing my virginity at 18 before I even knew him.’
The post, which was shared again on Reddit’s Wedding Shaming Forum, received more than 1,400 comments, with the vast majority of individuals advising her to call off
the wedding.
One replied: ‘Look, if he is this insecure after six years together, things are not going to improve. Is he going to mention your “impurity” in his wedding speech?
‘Is he going to try to leverage this in your marriage to get what he wants? Is he going to demand paternity tests for your children?
‘I’d seriously consider what you are signing up for. Dude sounds messed up [as f**k].’
Another added: ‘Girl, run! Disrespectful, petty, immature, to name a few red flags.’
‘Keep the mom, chuck the man,’ another added. ‘Why is it the guests’ business if she’s a virgin?’
‘Consider yourself dodging a bullet,’ a third said. ‘He is not mature enough to be married.’
Flipping the groom’s argument on its head, a fourth wrote: ‘I have a question: what color will your fiancé be wearing to indicate to the crowd about his sexual history?
‘Or, does he think only a woman should have to disclose hers while his is irrelevant or should stay hidden? What if you just go all the way and wear a giant sign around your neck?’
In summary, the woman was struggling to decide what color her fiancé should wear to their wedding. She felt that wearing a traditional white dress was deceiving, and her fiancé wanted to wear red. With the help of an advice columnist, the woman decided to wear a non-traditional blue dress and have her fiancé wear a red tie and pocket square.
Sounds like he is trying to have her label herself with the scarlet letter A when he feels men can do what and when they want and not be labeled. This is definitely a sign of misogyny and some counseling would be recommended to enlighten this man that he needs to do some digging into why he has this type of sexism is totally out of line. If they have been having sex throughout their relationship, he too is not a virgin and has to come to terms with that. I would not go through with this wedding until some education, agreements, resolve, understanding has taken place because this has already created a wedge and it will only build to a huge issue down the road. SEEK COUNSEL.