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Why Do I Attract Only Narcissists? 7 Reasons

Sharmaine Angela Sharmaine Angela | September 26, 2023 | 3 min read

Narcissism defines a behavior where people are self-centered and focused on self-inflation. It’s a personality disorder in which people think extremely highly of themselves and don’t empathize with other people’s feelings and needs. If you’re close to a narcissist, you might get caught up in their tricky games, lies, and emotional hurt. But you can keep yourself safe and in charge if you know how a narcissist thinks.

Narcissism can make it tough for people to connect with others because they’re really focused on themselves. One big part of narcissism is believing they’re better than everyone else. This can lead to behaviors that can cause problems in relationships.

Now, let’s look at these reasons why some people seem to bring narcissists into their lives.

1. Empathetic Nature

One reason you might find yourself surrounded by narcissistic folks is your kind and caring nature. When you’re nice to people and show you care about their feelings, narcissists may feel drawn to you. They see your kindness as an opportunity to get the attention and admiration they crave.

2. Being A Good Listener

If you’re someone who’s really good at listening when others talk, narcissists might flock to you. See, narcissists love talking about themselves, and when you listen carefully, it’s like a magnet for them. Your attentive ear makes them feel important and special.

3. Low Self-Esteem

Another reason could be that you don’t always feel so great about yourself. When your self-esteem isn’t very high, you might unintentionally seek validation from narcissists. They can be charming, and their attention can initially make you feel better, even though it’s not a healthy relationship.

3. Kindness and Generosity

Narcissists are often attracted to people who are generous and giving. If you’re the type of person who goes out of their way to help others, narcissists may take advantage of your kindness. They’ll use it to get what they want without giving much in return.

4. Boundary Challenges

Some people find it hard to say “no” when others ask for something. If that’s you, narcissists might see it as an opportunity. They’ll keep pushing your limits, knowing you won’t refuse easily, which can lead to an unhealthy relationship dynamic.

5. Desire for Excitement

Sometimes, you might be drawn to narcissists because they can be exciting and charming. Their charisma can be quite captivating at first, making it easy to overlook their self-centered traits. However, this initial thrill may hide the fact that they often prioritize themselves above others.

6. Mirroring Behavior

Narcissists often use a tactic called mirroring, where they mimic your interests and values to create a sense of connection. If you value similarities in a partner, you might unknowingly attract narcissists who appear to share your likes and dislikes, but their intentions may be self-serving.

7. Codependent Patterns

If you’ve been in codependent relationships in the past, where you prioritize others’ needs over your own, narcissists can be drawn to this vulnerability. They exploit your willingness to cater to their desires while not reciprocating the care and support you need in return. Recognizing these patterns can help you establish healthier relationships.

Share Your Thoughts:

Why do you think some people tend to attract narcissists? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments. It often seems that individuals with high empathy or nurturing qualities inadvertently draw in those with narcissistic traits. This dynamic can create a cycle where the empathetic person feels validated by the initial charm, unaware that they are being manipulated through charisma techniques that attract men. Understanding this can help individuals recognize red flags and build healthier relationships.


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Sharmaine Angela
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Sharmaine Angela

Sharmaine is a writer and relationship columnist based in New York. She studied sociology and has spent the last seven years writing about love, identity, and what it actually takes to build something lasting with another person. Her work is sharp, culturally aware, and never afraid to ask the uncomfortable question in the room. Readers come for the insight and stay for the honesty. When she is not at her desk she is at a concert, on a long walk through her neighborhood, or texting her friends paragraphs they did not ask for.