A good and healthy marriage requires both people to be involved with one another on multiple levels. It doesn’t work if one of the two stops, quite simple. We’ve talked about a lot of marriages that ended up in a bad place because one person lost interest because of whatever reason.
This story comes from Ask Relationship Rules – our own little safe space where the members of our community anonymously send their stories to ask for advice from us and our community! This one is about a wife who doesn’t get any affection or romance from her husband and is tired of constantly trying.
The Story
Here is this wife’s story, in her own words:
“Hi Relationship Rules, please share my story anonymously. I’m a 28 years old woman I have been married for 2 years with 1 kid and my husband has been sweet 3 months after marriage but not a very expressive guy. My husband is not affectionate or romantic.”
“I miss that kind of romance. I expect him to take notice of me, kiss me, tell me ‘I love you’ or do something special. Even in bed, he has always been very lazy. We would fight many times because of this.”
“I am tired of begging for my husband’s affection in every way. The lack of affection has created issues in our relationship and I don’t know how to deal with it.”
“I don’t know what is happening, but I feel that I am the only one trying to want to feel the romance, wanting our marriage to work, since it has become so boring.”
“No anniversary celebrations/valentines.”
“Last year it was our wedding anniversary and he didn’t even apply for leave to celebrate it together. Also, we needed to take time out for ourselves, but it doesn’t seem to be a need for him at all. I am actually tired of begging for his affection and feel very hurt when he doesn’t care about our relationship milestones. Sometimes I feel that my husband has always been this plain, non-expressive guy and I will never get the attention I want. Sometimes I feel that maybe I never was in love with him. Sometimes I need romance and affection from my husband and sometimes I feel like running away.”
“I am totally confused. My husband shows no interest in me. Are these signs that my husband is not in love with me anymore?”
“I don’t want to lose out on my marriage, but I want some things to change.”
“Please help me!”
The Responses
The helpful and loving community at Relationship Rules rushed to comment on this wife’s story, offering a lot of support and encouragement. Here are some of the top comments.
One person spoke about how love can’t be forced.
Another person commented on how the husband seems to have different needs.
While one person talked about the importance of self-love.
This person gave some sound advice on how to fix the situation.
While one person talked about walking out and finding something who makes her feel special.
This person emphasized on paying attention to the positives of the situation.
While one person recommended a good book to help understand her husband better.
Relationship Rules’ Advice
Dear Anonymous, we empathize with you and feel for you. It’s never healthy to be in a relationship that makes you feel unnoticed or unimportant, affection and romance are very integral parts of every relationship no matter how long it’s been. Our advice would be to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him. Explain your needs and the source of your pain, make him understand what’s bothering you, and make sure you speak without any anger or remorse. If he accepts it and changes his actions according to your needs, you’ll be okay. If not, imagine a life without him and what it would do to your kids. If he’s a good father to his kids and his only flaw is not being affectionate, maybe he’s just a person who doesn’t express himself enough. Work on things together as much as you can, seek couple’s therapy if things don’t work out between you two on your own. But if all else fails, please remember that your own happiness and inner peace are very important – follow your heart and what makes you happy. Wishing you all the best and sending lots of love your way!
If you want to send your story to Ask Relationship Rules, email us at [email protected] – your story will be posted anonymously.
What’s Your Take on This?
What are your thoughts on this wife’s situation? Talk to us in the comments below!
Me and my fiance sometimes have this problem,but it’s not like 24/7 but we both know that we love each other. You don’t need to tell your husband all the time that you love him,because he already knows that you love him.Sometimes men don’t always show their emotions or feelings because they see it has a sign of weakness,which to me it isn’t a sign of weakness.