We see many people make fun of the statement that ‘Love hurts’. Many of us probably make fun of it but unfortunately this is true. Many of us have probably secretly laughed really hard at those people as well but love actually does hurt, especially when they mention that someone has broken their heart or they are in love with someone who is apparently not healthy for them.
The thing is, when you are in love with a harmful person then the worst thing that happens to you during this time is that you can’t stop loving that person.
Here we aren’t specifically talking about the intimate love. This love can be with anyone, with your friends, parents, siblings or even cousins. Many of us have been through such relationships where we have been badly hurt.
Now the pain is not necessarily physical. It can also be emotional. Some of us may even have had a relationship like that with her sister, parent, brother or even a friend. It doesn’t actually matter whether the relationship is with your boyfriend or with your lover.
Learning to let go can sometimes be very hard. It can be as hard as deciding to stay with the wrong person. The thing is that you need to know that after that one step where you would leave that person what lies ahead is possibly a good and peaceful future.
What is it that lies ahead of that blinding wall that you are trying so hard to break and cross and that one single step is the only way through which you can reach the wall, break it and then go ahead? You can never be sure whether it is happiness at the other side of the wall or it is eternal sadness but you have to try.
Here are a few tips that will help you in letting that person go:
1. Now always remember that you cannot rush into it. Give it a deep thought that whether you want to leave the person or you want to stay. Now the first step is that you have to decide. In deciding you have to calculate the potential risks and potential losses. You have to make sure which time is the right time to actually break the news to that person that you are just done with them. The best way to do this is by sitting alone in a room with no distractions, just silence and yourself. Make sure you clear your mind and do not bring any distractions with yourself because this is not a joke. Think about it and calculate all the losses and all the risks and I emphasize on this part. When you are done with the calculations decide whether you want to keep this or you don’t, whether you can fix it or you can’t. If you cannot fix it and you don’t want to keep this relationship then go ahead you have your answer.
2. The second step is to know that it is not your fault. If you are in constant pain by being in a relationship with a certain person then it is the person’s fault not your fault. You just want to be free which is your basic right. You want to be free from all the physical and mental pain and there is nothing wrong in wanting to set yourself free.
3. The third step is to allow yourself to grieve. Make sure you get rid of all the pictures and good memories that you have. Start with deleting all the pictures from your cell phone and laptop. Keep reminding yourself of all the bad memories that you’ve had with this particular person. Grieving is very important because it is more or less like catharsis. So make sure you spend a fair amount of time in grieving.
4. For some people it may be a little hard to change their phone numbers due to professional and personal reasons but changing your phone number is very important because that way the people you are about to leave will not be able to contact you or that specific person will not be able to bother you. The reason for doing this is that sometimes they may say something or send you a text which will bring you to a point of weakness all over again. That is where you will actually want to give in and get back to them but you cannot let that happen to yourself because once you make up your mind, you are past the most difficult point and if you let the other person convince you to come back then all the hard work will go down the drain.
5. The next step includes the fact that you do not have to think of the past as something which was very good. Try your best not to remember the good stuff and only think about the bad stuff. This way you will be able to move on with life. Of course every relationship has a few good parts and memories no matter how abusive and how torturous it is. If you keep on thinking about the good parts then moving on would be very hard for you. So the best way to move on is to prevent yourself from thinking about the good memories. Emphasize more on the bad parts. Now this might be considered as a selfish move but it is the best thing to do in order to keep yourself sane.
6. After blocking the phone number there is this one really important thing in the current era that you need to do and that is to block that person on social media. Try your best to block them as soon as you have made up your mind about leaving them. This way they won’t be able to block you because once the other person blocks you then you are unable to block them so whenever they would want to get in touch with you or say something which would end up changing your mind they will just unblock you and say it which means that you will be giving them a window to ruin your efforts.
7. Now the next step is that you get counseling if you are way too damaged. Even if you are not damaged, getting counseling is a very healthy option. It will help you start fresh and move ahead in life. No matter how much we try, emotional and physical damages always leave a mark on us and in order to mellow those marks down, one needs help and support and the best way to do so is through counseling.
8. If you find new friends, it would be for the best because new friends can be a great distractions and if you have distractions than you are pretty much safe. Distractions to some people is a selfish thing but at the end of the day what we all got to do is stay sane and protect ourselves so go for the distractions and have fun. Get yourself busy into different projects and the things that you like. Now it ranges from Arts to writing to all the other things that you might do in order to keep your mind healthy. So go for those things. Be artistic and carefree if you have to.
9. Make new goals in life. Then work hard to achieve those goals. These goals can be anything. They can be fitness goals they can even be goals in terms of your earnings. Make a Target and work your butt off to achieve those targets.
10. Keep telling yourself that you deserve better. Now if you talk about deserving something better it doesn’t necessarily mean that you deserve a better person in life but it also means that you deserve a break. You deserve to give yourself a treat. Go for a vacation and set yourself free for a while. Experience new things, experiment or even go a little reckless. At the end of the day your main concern and your main aim is to make yourself realize that you deserve the best.
11. Now start to accept changes. When you let go of something, other things will start entering your life in order to compensate for that space. You will see and experience changes. Just make sure you do not get annoyed by those changes. Changes will always come in your life so learn to accept them.
12. Last and the most important part is to have faith. Have faith that everything will be fine and you will be good as new.
If any one of you out there has other methods through which a person can get rid of all those people who have been abusing them or who have hurt them then please feel free to share them with us because your opinion and your advice matters a lot to us.