6 Things You Need To Think About Before Stalking Your Ex’s New Lover

Stalking is never helpful.

The worst thing you could have ever expected to happen has happened. The person you once loved with all your heart is now with someone new. You somehow expected that this day would come eventually, but you didn’t expect that you would be feeling the way that you’re feeling now. 

You didn’t know that it would affect you this much. There is no way you could have prepared for what you’re feeling now and you’re getting slightly disoriented. You thought you were over him, and so why is it that it’s such a big deal to you that he’s found a new girl?

And so the thought crosses your mind: do you really want to stalk this new lover that your ex has taken on? Is it really something that is worth your time? Will you end up feeling better if you do so? What do you do?

It’s complicated. But don’t act so hastily. Take some time to think about what you’re planning to do. Remember that you and your ex have been broken up for quite a while now. You’ve probably even moved on from him already. Had you not known that he was dating someone new, you probably wouldn’t even be thinking about him anymore. And so why is it that the knowledge of him dating a new girl is absolutely driving you crazy? Is it just your imagination?

Okay. It can be very tempting to stalk your ex’s new lover on social media. You want to know if she’s prettier than you. You want to find out if they seem happy; if she’s able to make him as happy as you were able to make him. But before you actually act on your desires, perhaps you should take some time to ponder about a few key thinking points:

1. What are you hoping to gain out of stalking your ex’s new girl?

What exactly are you seeking to accomplish out of this experiment? Take a look at yourself and assess your situation. Is there anything that you can possibly gain from this experience if you’re going to push through with it? Will the results of this stalking experiment be beneficial to your life in any way, shape, or form? The likely answer to these questions is no. So just stop. You don’t need to be stalking her because there is no conceivable positive outcome that can arise from this.

2. Are you going to subject yourself to the inevitable comparisons between the two of you?

You should never be subjecting yourself to comparisons any way. It’s even worse when you subject yourself to comparisons with your ex’s new girlfriend. For one, this girl probably doesn’t even care about you because she’s too busy living out her new love life. And two, you shouldn’t even be caring about her as well. You have your own life to live and there is nothing to gain from making comparisons between the two of you. You are only setting yourself up for emotional torment and potential disappointment by pushing through with it. 


3. Are you going to be negatively judging them out of spite?

There is already just too much negativity in this world and you shouldn’t be adding to it. If you are already going to go into this stalking experiment of yours with negative thoughts in mind, then you have already lost. You are letting all of your biases take control of your being and you are just being pathetic. Even if she’s a perfectly nice and kind woman, you are still going to think ill of her just because you were already dead set on doing so. You haven’t even met her and you are already going to be judging her. 

4. Are you going to be badmouthing this new girl?

While it’s one thing to be thinking bad thoughts about a person, it’s a whole other level when you start talking bad about another person. It’s even worse considering that this is a person you’ve never even met throughout your entire life. You are only making yourself look foolish by badmouthing a girl who has nothing to even do with you. It makes you look petty and downright sad. Find better things to do with your time. 

5. Will it entice you to want to reestablish contact with your ex?

That ship has sailed and for good reason. If you think that stalking your ex’s new girl is going to bring back to the surface a lot of unwanted feelings, then you might as well stop. There is a reason why you guys didn’t work out in the first place, and it’s pointless for you to be trying anything new especially when it’s been established that he’s dating someone new. 

6. Will it trigger any anxieties within you that have long been put to rest? 

Lastly, the whole ordeal is just going to be bringing you a lot of unwanted and unnecessary stress. You’ve moved on with your life. You should be allowing your ex to move on with his as well. If he wants to be dating other women, you should let him do so in peace. 

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By Relationship Rules

Relationship Rules is my ideology of love. It's a concept of emotion and oneness.

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