A dating expert has cautioned about seven significant red flags in relationships that are often mistaken for positive traits.
According to Kelsey Wonderlin, a dating coach and therapist, there are some hidden red flags that can show up at the start of a relationship. She points out that it’s important to be aware of these signs early on, as ignoring them could lead to problems later.
Here’s what the expert suggests you should keep an eye on.
1. He’s All Charm and Pursuit
The expert noted that someone who is overly charming and constantly pursuing you can be a red flag. While many people enjoy being courted with fancy dates, excessive wooing might signal underlying issues.
2. He Talks About the Future Too Soon
It’s one thing to have a general discussion about future aspirations, but planning your wedding or discussing having kids on a first or second date can be overwhelming. Casual talk about future goals is fine, but statements like, “Our kids would be so cute,” can be a bit much.
3. He Insists on Covering Every Expense
Okay, so, Kelsey might stir up some debate with this one. While some women appreciate a traditional gesture where the man pays for everything, she suggests that splitting the bill is often a better approach. This method indicates that you’re not just someone to be won over with gifts or meals. According to her, accepting free perks might not be the best idea.
4. He’s Courting You
While the term “courting” may seem charming and traditional, the dating expert points out that it can sometimes distract from more important aspects of a relationship. She explains that focusing on superficial gestures might overshadow deeper qualities like emotional maturity and core values, which are crucial for assessing true compatibility.
According to her, courting can also suggest a lack of healthy relationship skills or even a lack of intelligence. “Healthy relationships don’t begin this way. They begin with both people putting in effort and genuinely getting to know each other rather than wooing each other. Sometimes, ‘courting’ even hides love bombing,” she said.
5. He Wants to Lead You
While being a leader can be a valuable trait in a professional setting, it’s not ideal for a romantic relationship. This dynamic can create an unhealthy power imbalance.
Wonderlin explained, “When one person leads in a dynamic, BY DESIGN, one person leads and one person follows. Think about the areas of life we use the term ‘lead’ – A boss. A superior. One person in a position of power over another.”
She continued, “In equal partnership, we lead ourselves & LEAN on each other at times. We divide up tasks based on our preferences & strengths. But EACH partner does this & it’s discussed as a TEAM.”
6. His Life Feels ‘Incomplete’ Without You
That’s a bit concerning.
While it’s flattering to be someone’s significant other and have a strong impact on their life, it’s important that they have a fulfilling life of their own. A well-rounded individual who has their own interests and goals is generally more attractive and healthier in a relationship.
7. He Wants to See You All the Time
Regular dates are perfectly fine, but constantly wanting to be together can quickly lead to you distancing yourself from friends and family without realizing it.
Kelsey Wonderlin cautions that in abusive relationships, there’s often an intense period of “wooing” at the start. While you might think his need for constant time together is just a sign of affection, it could be a strategy to isolate you.
This advice sparked a range of reactions, with some criticizing it as overly cautious or blaming feminism and women for being too selective. However, others agreed with the expert, noting that such behavior could signal controlling tendencies or insecurity.
Share your thoughts in the comments, and let’s discuss the complexities of trust and fidelity in relationships.
