This Reddit story comes from a 27-year-old man who’s unable to properly take care of his pregnant wife. He posted his question on AITA – a subreddit where people ask whether they did the right thing or not.
The Story
A person with the username JosephPeckerjr, posted his question:
“My wife (23) and I (27) are expecting. She’s due this month and things have been bit intense recently with her being extra hormonal.
“We live in different state then my family. My wife and I couldn’t visit for Christmas. my parents were calling to continue complaining about us not spending Christmas with them and demanded I make it up for them. I said I was open for any suggestions they had and they suggested they come stay with us for a week once the baby is born. That way they could spend time with us and the baby as well. I thought why not that seemed to be a pretty good suggestion since it’s been months since we’ve seen each others so I told them to go ahead and made the invitation Official. This morning my wife was talking about her plans once the baby is here and that’s when I remembered my conversation with my parents. I immediately told her that I agreed to let them over for a week once the baby is born to make up for the holiday we missed with them. She first looked shocked then freaked out at me saying I shouldn’t have invited them just like that without talking to her first. I asked why not since she loves them and loves being around them but she explained that my family can be a lot of work and having them as guests while caretaking for a newborn is the last thing she wanted. I told her it was no big deal besides that we could use help if she thought about this way but she lashed out on me about how the first few days of the baby’s life is essential time for bonding and being intimate and I just took that away from her by inviting my parents and invading her space. I argued that she was being melodramatic right then because my family are decent people and I’m pretty sure they’ll make this experience a lot more warmer but she still disagreed and said if my family were decent then they wouldn’t have accepted my invitation but I clarified to her that I did NOT invite and this was in fact a suggested made by them and I just agreed AFTER they complained about me missing spending the holidays with them. She went off on me demanding I call them and cancel everything I planned with them but I thought that was unacceptable since she gave not a good-enough reason for me to do that and besides my parents can help but she still denied that being true.
“She’s gone radio silence for the rest of the day and is acting like my family are somehow making her uncomfortable though they’re not the judgemental or intrusive type and are just about spending time with each others. AITA?”
Upon seeing he wasn’t getting any supportive comments, he made a few updates to his post.
“Hold on! #Edit few things so there’s no misunderstanding here. Alright?
“First of all my wife doesn’t normally have an issue with my family being around, they all get along pretty good. and second of all which is an important info my wife and I talked about having her directly speak to them about why she would rather postpone their visit so we could clear the air but she refused and said she doesn’t want to ruin her relationship with them and asked me to do it (tell them not to come) but since my family are upset with me then me telling them not to come might be taken in an offensive way, you know what I’m saying? so it really feels like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.
“also, to all the people saying that my wife shouldn’t be hosting guests. I don’t recall mentioning this nor expecting her to do anything for the family. matter of fact I really thought we could maybe use their help especially my mom.”
The Responses
Upon reading his entire story, the community sided with his wife and told the man off. Here are some of the best responses from the thread. For context, YTA means “You’re the A**hole.”
melje_bee commented:
“I am literally living this out right now. This is very accurate. I feel like it’s bad enough having to explain everything to my kids and recover around them, I absolutely could not do it outside our nuclear family. If I could limit all the gross things I’m doing right now to just my husband, I would. Not to mention I literally have been ordered to sit or lay here and just heal for a solid week and only get up to go to the bathroom/shower. Not even get up and make myself food. If I want or need anything, my husband needs to take care of it for me. I’m not a crier and I have cried a lot in the few days since baby got here. I look terrible, and I’m allowed because I’m not a decoration, I just had a baby. But I guess my point is I just want to be ugly and yucky and keep my weird hours and heal and snuggle my baby without ANY extra bodies in my space or any added responsibilities. Let your wife have that, sir. Your wife and baby need your undivided time and attention. YTA.”
Weatherbunny7 wrote:
“Sooooo much this. Giving birth can be a traumatic experience. OP, your wife WILL be exhausted. The ONLY way other people should be allowed to stay at the house is if a) you both agree on it and b) those people are there to WORK. By that I mean, clean, cook, do laundry, run errands, etc. Not by “helping hold the baby”. Especially if planning to breastfeed, mom and baby need a LOT of alone time to work on that.”
Narcdoff chimed in:
“Wife, if you see this, go and stay with your mom for the birth and OP can entertain his parents out of your hair”
You can read all of the replies on Reddit here.
Our Take
We think this guy is completely in the wrong here. Childbirth is a harrowing ordeal to go through. Every woman needs her own time and space to heal with the baby while nurturing the baby and taking care of herself. Every expecting mother should be given all the support, care, and love she needs – without question.
Source:
What’s Your Take?
What are your thoughts on this man’s story? Talk to us in the comments below!
I think you should follow what your wife told you in the long run it can also be her reward orone way of thanking her forgiving birth of your baby Safely.
Tell your family the deal is off. They can come at another time but the first 6 weeks are off limits. They can make a visit of an hour, no more, to see the mother and baby are healthy, then they need to get the @%&# out. Dude, what could you have been thinking?
I agree with your wife, after having a baby you are sore from being pulled pillar to post not to mention brining a life into the world is exhausting. having your family around would only make her feel worse because shell have to entertain them and a new-born who will be demanding enough mum already its defiantly is time for bonding and learning about your new baby . Because you didn’t ask her first either and that’s what couples should do she quite rightly is annoyed. your family should understand this.
agree with your wife … make it right and tell family no. not now. is this your first child btw?
Your wife has the right to privacy, peace and quiet. Now she will have the misery of people in her home. They will want to see and hold the baby thus exposing the newborn to extra germs. In a time of covid why would you do this to your newborn and wife who just gave birth? She needs an environment that she can heal and rest, so does the baby. Be a man and call your parents to explain this to them. Let them know an invite further down the road will come but not now. The fact they wanted to come when she gives birth was very disrespectful and unkind of your parents. If you can’t bring yourself to do this then you are Peter Pan, the boy who never grew up. How unfortunate for your wife and tragic for your child.
The husband needs to set boundaries with his birth family. Once he became married his wife and child became his first priority. He needs to buck up and grow a pair. Tell his birth family – sorry about Christmas but there’s next year and so on. And that after thinking about their demanded visit, he became aware that their timing of visit is not in the best interest of himself, his wife or their baby.
Sounds to me that the man hasn’t thought about what his wife wants first.Yes it’s nice to have extra help,but not straight away once the baby has arrived. Explain to you parents,mainly to his mother that his wife needs time to bond with baby before any visits.
It’s very hard when you’ve got people popping round soon as the mother and baby arrive home from hospital,I’ve been there twice with both of my sons.Once I got home,I had visitors around soon as I got home.
You sure are an idiot and you have clearly never been around a new born or new mother. The reason that you haven’t is because you shouldn’t have and neither should your selfish manipulating family. Once that baby is issue the body, it requires you for homeostasis including protection from others due to lack of an immune system. Your wife is going to be swollen, sore, exhausted, out of sorts, and with hormones of the chain and you are subjecting her, by force, to deal with your family during a very private time. You are very uncaring and unthinking.
My take is that in the old days the woman stick together like glue. So A MAN shouldn’t be allowed to take care of his pregnant wife. Why? Because #1 we don’t know nothing about giving birth. So sympathy towards a pregnant woman requires a highly emotional intelectual man. When did you hear of a very emotional intelectual man in this era? Unfortunately we don’t live in the old days but it would be good for both mothers to be the ones staying after pregnancy. This may help the mother to have more sympathy and advice if needed on how to deal with postpartum depression and all the ups and downs. It also can help in the relationship. As a woman, do you know how heavy it is to take care of a postpartum woman as a man? This is the main reason why WOMEN are the ones that give birth. Because they are better equipped then man.
I do believe this husband in particular should have asked his wife. Because the hormones are real af. But he didn’t do anything wrong. There is no wrong or right at this day of age. We have man and woman swapping sex. Come on give this brave man a break it takes guts in both ends. But dude talk to your wife before she writes you off the will.
The husband is totally wrong here, sure it was not him who invited them but he should have talked about it with his wife first before agreeing and also, he should have thought about her ( his wife ), if it’s okay for her, if his parents can be there with them once the baby is born… I never had a baby so I don’t know how it feels the first week with your baby, but by hearing and reading what some mothers have experienced, it’s really really tiring and they need space, husband, if you’re reading this listen to your wife, she’s the one who you need to listen this time & not your parents. Your parents can come another time, like once your wife feels better.
I do not like how your parents put the pressure on you about the visit. Skipping holidays happens but you do not have to make up that time to them. Both my husband and I have family that live in different states. It is hard to raise a child without the help of family. From my point of view (I’m currently pregnant), I encourage our parents to visit during the first few weeks of giving birth. I will need the help! My husband can certainly help but he cannot do it all. I refuse to hire a cleaning service (random stranger in my home) to clean a large home while I’m down and out during my time of healing. Our parents will not only help with the toddler we currently have but will also help with daily household chores. And I do not mind the extra hands to give my husband and I some time to rest. I’m not saying your wife shouldn’t be upset. It should have been discussed with her prior to the official invitation. If the invitation stands, I think she will truly be happy they were there to help. IMO, YANTA!!
Being that you’re a man you don’t understand everything that your wife’s body is going to be put through. All of the emotional ups and downs as her body tries to return back to normal after having the baby. You need to respect that she needs time to bond with her baby and that your baby and her come first over your parents and what they want. She has every right to tell you to tell your parents that they can no longer come. You do not need to make her tell your parents or give them a good reason for them not to come because the responsibility of that is not on her it’s on you because you’re the one who made the choice without speaking to her first.