This Reddit post is about a married couple who apparently didn’t share a good level of intimacy. The husband of this story created an Excel spreadsheet with dates and reasons his wife rejected him from being intimate.
The Story
Reddit user throwwwwaway29 posted her story on the Relationships subreddit where she described how her husband sent her an email with a spreadsheet attached while she was about to board a flight for work. She said:
“My husband [M26] and I [F26] have been together for 5 years, married for 2 of those years. We just bought a house 5 months ago. No kids yet. Our lives have been crazy busy though. We spent all spring renovating our new house. At my job I was given nearly double my usual workload after some of my colleagues were laid off. I gained some weight in the winter and have been busting my ass at the gym to get rid of it.”
“Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate $ex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having $ex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had $ex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.”
“This is a side of him I have never seen before – bitter, immature, full of hatred. In person, he’d been acting normal the whole time, maybe a little standoff-ish in the last week. Completely out of left field. Our $ex life HAS tapered in the last few months, but isn’t that allowed? We are adults leading busy, stressful lives. I cook for him, I do his laundry, I keep our house clean and tidy. It’s not like our $ex life was going to be this way FOREVER, it was a temporary slow-down due to extenuating circumstances.”
“I immediately tried phoning him 3-4 times before getting on the plane – no answer. When I landed in my destination city, I tried calling 2 more times – no answer. I texted him saying we needed to talk, and he needed to call me at his earliest convenience. No response. He’s never intentionally ignored my communications before. I pretty much stayed inside my hotel all evening waiting by the phone, then cried myself to sleep.”
“It’s now morning and he still hasn’t contacted me. I am supposed to be out visiting clients for the next 9 days on behalf of my company, and I am an emotional wreck. Why is he putting me through this? What the hell am I supposed to do?”
The Excel Sheet
Here is the spreadsheet created by her husband:
The Responses
Reddit’s community didn’t take any specific sides in this one. Here are some of the top comments:
Reddit user hansSA said:
“Your husband is expressing LEGITIMATE concerns in an extremely immature and passive aggressive way. Clearly, the communication style in your relationship is sh*t. Fix it or don’t, it’s your marriage.”
“Maybe you should shower right after the gym? Tell him to pitch in with chores so you’re not exhausted at night. There are literally a thousand things you guys can do to address these issues.”
terriblehashtags replied:
“But at this point, she’s trying to reach out to understand his concerns but he’s not picking up anymore.”
“Sure, there’s excellent ways to bring up dead bedrooms, but bringing it up in such a nasty manner and then not answering? My god, I’d be panicking at what was going on (or down!) back home!”
stephammer commented:
“Maybe he thinks your ten day business trip isn’t only business? Does he have any reason to think that you’re seeing someone on the side? Rejecting him so regularly is an obvious sign that you’ve lost interest in him, and it would be natural for him to think that you’ve turned your interest from him to someone else. Are you doing your business travel with someone else, a male business associate perhaps? Have you cheated on him before?”
There are over 700 comments on this post, you can read them all on Reddit here.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your opinion on this couple’s situation? Share your opinions in the comments below!
Source: Reddit
Wow! He is keeping count. Does he have a reason? You reject him so many times for petty excuses. I feel sorry for him. I would feel unloved if I were him and he has taken it to the next level to get your attention. Something is wrong. Need to talk this one out. Then have make up $ex……Lol!
The fact the husband is keeping track and logging it into the spreadsheet is what I find a bit concerning. No wonder she keeps turning him down. He’s acting like a girl!
Immature! Really!! You wonder why men cheat in situations like this, he’s in the wrong for wanting to show proof of what he is talking about, but you women hold it in like a laundry list to use it against us when you don’t get you way, she’s going to the gym and working out but she doesn’t have any extra energy for him makes absolutely no sense and you definitely seem like one of those people that is probably just like the woman in the story. You will find a make up excuses to try and get the focus off of you instead of taking a look at yourself and seeing what you could do to change the outcome of what’s going on instead of trying to make the other person look bad for them reaching out to you. Unbelievable
Once and for all guys don’t care about a clean house abs clean clothes if they’re not getting service on the $ex front – he didn’t marry a maid he married a partner – don’t be shocked when he gets serviced elsewhere – as I told my hubby once
I can be your full time maid or your full time lover not both you choose – man hired a maid the next day – now he cooks , maid cleans snd does laundry and I’m on kitty patrol open 24 hours a day ! 😻 fix it quick or your headed for trouble !
So the more of the story is as long as you get to be lazy in one department of your marriage you can justify everything else and be OK with him going to work and coming home and still doing chores around the house but as long as you get your way it’s OK.
Husband found a mistress. A guy will often start fault finding to ease their guilt before dumping their partner.
Normally if the Husband found a mistress he wouldn’t try to be initiating almost every day… it would be the other way around.
It’s so amazing how you women just do not want to take responsibility and actually understand that it’s your fault when a guy goes and starts cheating on you it’s because you push them away and push them away and push them away and come up with all the excuses and what you said right then and there sounds like something you would do in an excuse and that’s very sad!!
Let him do all the household chores will make him clear that she gets tired. Also, he would understand that she chooses the work both ways for him. Anyhow he is way too dragged off. This is not only about sex for sure. He is frustrated to an extent that he is not caring for her respect at her workplace. Look at the timing of the place!
Pretty sure you’re cheating on him, that’s why he reacted out that way. 3 times sex, 27 times excuse, that only like 10% of the time you actually listened to his $sexual desire. When you’re married, you have to sacrifice for you partner as well, only listening to your guts is selfish. If you are cheating or has cheating on him before, then you deserve this.
You’re joking right?
The pressure she must be killing anything left of her non-exsitent $ex drive. Sounds like he is her kid and not a partner. Ugh I hate men this petty..
You sound like a complete joke! just put it all off on the man, I bet he works his ass off every damn day and still comes home with enough energy to wanna have sex with her, she goes to the gym, comes home and has no time for him and cares more about a TV show, but it’s his fault, he must be doing something wrong. What a JOKE!!
Honestly I think the whole ideas of stories $ex is a very important part of marriage and men just need to be told and women need to understand that there are needs. We love you no matter what but I can assure you without $ex for a few weeks drives me personally out of my mind
Experience something just like this was in my First long-term relationship 1st 2-3 years was awesome then after that my partner Just didn’t want to have $ex as much and I am ashamed to say I did mark in my calendar when she Denied me in the reason so I could see if there was a pattern Because you also gotta keep in mind that we’re all humans and we’re like engines they may have done something messed up their body or it literally might be A medical reason but for my reason to make a list was just seeing what was going on and if there was anything that I could do to solve it but in the end it didn’t matter what I did I could do all the housework I could do all the cleaning and I could do all the cooking. And all the shopping every month so then I took it a step further I Decided to offer her a rub down a full body massage from head to toe after her shower just in case it was nerve pain or muscle pain still didn’t work so then I thought well maybe it’s something she’s not satisfied with mentally In our relationship so I tried to romancer when I wanted to have physical relationships with her even that did not work I offered to go to couples counselling to see if that wouldHelp to no prevail she didn’t wanna go so after that I decided to be real with her on way I wanted to have more physical relations for me I don’t know if this is for anybody else but for me personally a physical relationship with somebody does feel good but a physical relationship with someone you loveIt’s far more satisfying because on top of the physical relationship that you have with your partner the mail also enjoys the mental aspect of the physical relationship between each other by seeing the pleasure on your partners face as you have physical relations at that point it’s not just a physical relationship it’s also a mental one for the mail to see their partner and pleasure that is a much satisfying physical and mental relations that you can get but in my case she didn’t understand any and everything that I tried I made it to where she wouldn’t have to get up and worry about cleaning cooking doing laundry helping me doing the chores around the house she just got more lazy and when that happens All you can do is Just get depressed and after so long the relationship crumble because no matter what both have to cure because if Either one doesn’t care about their partners needs and try to solve the problem and not just come up with excuses it will always fall apart that’s what I learned in my longest relationship
First, the mere fact he took this approach is a pathetic and immature attempt to hurt you. Secondly, the fact he is ignoring your attempts to connect is not only immature it’s abusive behavior. Third, there may be more to this, such as a way to give him an excuse for going outside the marriage for sex.
I’m thinking if the woman is turning you down that much the $ex must be all about you. Maybe she ain’t getting much out of it.
I am a girl, and living with my partner for almost 1 year now. He actually got my virginity so I was not really comfortable asking him, or being the first one to initiate the $ex, I am a shy newbie. For the first week of us being together we do the deed everyday, then it slows down to several a week, then once a week and sometimes 3 times a month. By that time, I was so frustrated. Because when I was just about to enjoy love making he’s the one losing interest to that. My frustrations became evident and it pushed me to initiate making love to him, but he’s beginning to turn me down consistently. When he rejects me I throw a pit and giving him some silent treatment and attempting to sleep in a separate space from our bedroom. One great thing is that when I am like that, he always carry me back to bed and talk to me and convince me that he isn’t really on the mood doing that because of stress works. Actually, that was our only problem so far, but I always tell him that verbally so he’s aware of what he’s making me feel. I am asking him what’s his problem and why. He’s doing his best to provide my needs now as his partner. But before, I also count the days and track our $ex dates on my period tracker and see how less we do that. And I started talking to him seriously of what I am feeling whenever he rejects me. I felt unattractive, unloved, ugly and useless as a partner which even made me think to leave him and just end the relationship. I even told him that “having no $ex” is actually a valid reason to flight out of relationship because it is one of the most essential part of being together as a couple. Because it doesn’t just satisfy physical needs but also boost emotional security and mental stability as “taken” individual. So i always tell him, I am always game for making love, even if i’m sleeping, tired, sick or anything. As long as he wants, I will be more than happy to do it with him. Cause we admit it or not, it is our responsibility to provide our partners’ needs. 😅 So I literally see myself on the side of the husband, I just use different app to track the rejection and the actual love making we had, but yes. Lack of $ex can be the root of the other problem arising in the relationship.
He’s pretty passive-aggressive with this one. My husband and I have been married just under a year. Sex has become painful. We are working through it. We are talking, researching, trying to figure it out.
He could have shown her the spreadsheet in person and started a conversation. If television is not important than being intimate, maybe you guys could go talk to someone.
He appears to be pretty frustrated. You probably need to have a long talk when you get home. You can’t do anything while you’re working. It doesn’t do you any good to stress over it while you’re away.
Try to call once a day. If he won’t answer, there is nothing else to be done until you get back. He’s being pretty childish, but that’s his prerogative at this point.
If you could go home early from this trip, that would be ideal. Next time, when he initiates and you feel gross, ask him to join you for a shower. Good luck.
Someone needs to tell this husband that intimacy begins in the brain.she is not being stimulated. Could be a hormone problem. They both need to evaluate their needs.
Anyone ever consider that maybe sex in their marriage is all about satisfying him and not satisfying her. Maybe he just hurries through his “chore” so that it’s his turn. A selfish lover is no fun!
Sorry this happened. It seems as if your husband is having an affair or setting up the stage for one.
He’s building a case against you to justify it… I have seen this type of behavior in several instances when the husband (or wife) is planning a divorce. Get an attorney’s advice.
BTW, his spreadsheet is emotional abuse. He might be a narcissist. Explore that as well. And don’t have children until you’re sure that this hostility isn’t permanent. To demand affection in this manner is a GIANT red flag for what’s to come when you DO have kids and it intervenes with your live life alot.
Someone else is making him feel validated. You better step up
You are very young, and you just don`t know that yet, but you will never change, you MUST make time for sex, if the household chores are not done, it`s ok do it tomorrow or have him help with something. If dinner is time consuming just surprise him with crackers cheese and wine and just wear a rope. Trust me, if you wan`t your marriage to last, you need to be his lover too. Otherwise he could have stayed with his mother. It will lead to divorce or cheating. Up to you.