I have recently learned that no matter how hard I try, I am never going to be able to perfectly structure my life in a way that I want to.
I know I’m probably never going to be a world-class chef, a commercial pilot, a professional athlete; but that doesn’t mean that I can’t try my hand at these things. I won’t let the knowledge of me not being able to perform at the big leagues keep me from playing the game. I’m never going to give up at dedicating time and effort for the things and people that I most care about. And I know that if I try hard enough, at the very least, I will be a better person tomorrow than I am today.
I learned that I’m never really going to have a set perspective on the people and issues that I am forced to confront on a daily basis. I have a dynamic personality and I change as I learn and grow as an individual. There will be some days where I will just shower myself with copious amounts of self-love and adoration. And then there will also be some days where I can’t even bring myself to look at my own reflection in the mirror out of shame and disgust. There will be times where I will fail to bring peace and harmony to my own mind, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to allow myself to cloud my view of other people. I will always try my best to see the good in others. I will always be willing to give people the benefit of the doubt even when I’m dealing with my own internal struggles myself. Just because I’m fighting my own battles within me doesn’t mean that I won’t be able to be present and mindful in the company of someone else. I know how to deal with my own issues while still being a perfectly great companion for someone I care deeply for.
I’m slowly starting to accept that I’m not going to be some billionaire tycoon who has the power to buy islands and big companies whenever I want. I know that I’m not going to be able to build the perfect home with a million bedrooms and bathrooms with a huge garden and a garage that will house my luxury cars. I know that I won’t be able to have a jewelry case filled with the most luscious diamonds that this world has ever seen. And that’s fine. Those are all dream scenarios and I’ve learned to let all of that go. I don’t have a problem parting with my dreams if it means that I get an opportunity to experience the beauty of reality. I’m more interested in the things that I can actually attain in life as apposed to the stuff that only exists in dreams. I don’t really care much for the materialistic items either. I want the real stuff. I want the emotional bond and connection with someone I care deeply about. I couldn’t care less about what kind of care you drive or what kind of job you have. I couldn’t care less about the brands of the clothes you wear or the kinds of restaurants that you dine at. I’m more interested in the way that you treat the people around you; the way that you treat me. I care more about how you present yourself as a human being; someone with feelings, emotions, thoughts, opinions, and worldviews. I’m more interested in the person hiding beneath that outer shell.
And most importantly, recently, I have learned that I don’t get to decide when my broken heart is supposed to heal itself. I don’t get to rush the time that it takes for emotional wounds to cauterize. I don’t get to decide when I’m going to be okay again after experiencing heartbreak. A lot of what goes into love is uncontrollable; and that’s really what makes love scary. And that’s why so many people often find themselves too afraid to fall in love. They fear that the risk is far too big and they don’t think that they’re ready to take that kind of chance just yet.
But here’s the secret: no one is ever really ready for love. Unlike many other aspects in life, love isn’t something that you can control or manipulate. It’s natural force that exhibits itself between two people who are brave enough to take that risk. And if you continue to wait for you to feel ready to fall in love, then you’re going to end up dying loveless. Because love is always a risk that is worth taking. And you’re never going to be ready for it so might as well take the plunge when the opportunity presents itself.