Families are safe havens where everyone supports one another and accepts them without any stipulations. In today’s Reddit story, a mother speaks up about not going to her daughter’s wedding when she decided not to invite her bisexual sister.
The Story
Reddit user, Worldly-Surprise6288, is the mother of this story – she shared her situation on AITA (Am I the A**hole?) to ask the community whether she was wrong for not going to her daughter’s wedding. She wrote:
“So I (49f) have 2 daughters, Tracy(23) and Caitlin(17)”
“Back story: Caitlin and Tracy weren’t really close when they were growing up but they got on they had the basic sisterly fights every now and then but nothing to big, Caitlin came out when she was 13 as bisexual with wasn’t really a shock to a lot of people and because of that people accepted her pretty fast, but Tracy had a few things to say about it she was very small minded about that kind of thing but after talking about it with her she agreed to keep her beliefs to herself, Caitlin started dating a girl in her class (s) A couple months after she came out this girl was the nicest person anyone can meet and she made my daughter happy which made me happy,”
“Fast forward a couple of years: Caitlin and S are still dating. Tracy had started dating a guy when she was 19 and after about 2 years together they got engaged Tracy always dreamed about having the perfect wedding which is in two weeks after doing last minute changes and just going over the plans she showed me the seating plan and I realised Caitlin was not on the chart I asked her about it and she said she didn’t invite her because she was scared of making the family look bad in front of her fiancés family I was taking aback by this and asked her about it and this is how it went”
“Me: what do you mean you don’t want the family to look bad?”
“T: i just don’t what them to know about her ‘lifestyle'”
“Me: there is nothing wrong with her lifestyle she is who she is”
“T: yeah ok whatever she isn’t invited end of story”
“I had so much more to say about the matter but I just tried to keep my calm with out any hesitation I said ‘if your sister is not invited you should give my seat away to someone because I will not be coming’ I grabbed my things and left all I heard as I was walking out the door was my daughter crying and begging me to come the wedding because she needed her mum there”
“It’s been a few days I have had hundreds of messages from my daughter and FSIL but I have need ignoring them I have planned a little mini vacation away with Caitlin I also invited S and her family”
“So AITA for saying I will not attend my eldest daughters wedding and instead going on a mimi vacation with my youngest?”
“((Sorry if it doesn’t really make sense English isn’t my first language))”
When her post received a lot of response from the community, she updated it with a few edits to explain the situation better.
“EDIT: 1: i forgot to mention I gave tracy a second chance to change her mind about it but she just started crying and calling me a bad mother”
“2: would like to say that even if Caitlin was invited she wouldn’t get a +1 so unless she told people she was bisexual people wouldn’t have know about her dating a girl”
“3: when Caitlin found out about the situation she got upset and was visibly holding back tears she said I should go and enjoy the day but even if I did go I know I will definitely not be enjoying it so that’s why I booked the holiday”
“4: for everyone asking where she learned the bigotry from Tracy has had a very religious Best friend since she started school Her in-laws are religious (I believe) but I’m not sure what they’re vowels are about the LGBTQIA community”
“Last edit I think:”
“I have talked to Tracy she has said that she has thought about the situation and she is saying that it was her fiancés idea and she went with it because she didn’t want her new family to see her as a disappointment because she has a sister who likes girls, she said she will invite her sister on one condition she has to stay in the back of the ceremony and cant come to the after party but I can go to the wedding and the after party I was a bit iffy about that offer but I said ok but it was caitlin who got the last say in it, So I went to talk to Caitlin about it and the smile on her face when she was told she could go made me tear up a little, i said she will only be able to stay for the ceremony and then she will have to go home she said “I don’t care how long I get to stay I just want to see my big sister happy” also made me tear up 🙃 but I think I will stay for the ceremony then leave with my youngest I have pushed back the holiday to leave 3days after the wedding”
“Thank you to everyone who helped me figure this out ❤️🙏”
The Responses
Reddit’s community supported this mother for what she did. For context, NTA means “Not the A**hole.” Here are some of the best comments:
Consistent-Reality44 said:
“Nta You know Tracy would have told others that her sister decided not to come if it hadn’t come out. Now she’ll have to explain why her own mother won’t come.”
Dont-trust-it wrote:
“NTA. Good on you for showing your oldest daughter the consequences of her own homophobic actions. Good on you for also showing your younger daughter that you will not allow anyone to treat her wrong or exclude her just because of her sexuality.”
“Gold standard parenting.”
AffectionateHand2206 commented:
“NTA”
“What an awful situation. You made the right decision, even if it wasn’t easy. However, if Tracy calls you again, you should tell her that you’ll come if her sister is invited.”
This post has over 1000 comments at the time of writing this article, you can read them on Reddit here.
Our Take
NTA. Our hearts go out to this mother for being such an amazing and incredible parent. She didn’t do anything wrong, she’s being a good mother who’s not letting one daughter feel left out because another daughter isn’t kind enough to understand.
What’s Your Take?
What’s your take on this mother’s situation? Share your take in the comments below.
Source: Reddit
SITA, no one has the right to dictate who is invited to attend a wedding. I’ve seen this played out in the reverse. Some people demand, “If you invite so and so, I won’t be there”. The end result was that their demand was not met. When you start dictating who can/can not attend a wedding-what’s next-Being told where to live?